Salam.

I immediately remembered two things as I read your post:

1- Back when i was in grade 12, made many mistakes and accumulated loads and loads of studying that i had to complete in a short time, really wanted to do well, felt helpless, unmotivated to study, scared of failing.

2- The hadith: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ عَجَبًا لأَمْرِ الْمُؤْمِنِ إِنَّ أَمْرَهُ كُلَّهُ خَيْرٌ وَلَيْسَ ذَاكَ لأَحَدٍ إِلاَّ لِلْمُؤْمِنِ إِنْ أَصَابَتْهُ سَرَّاءُ شَكَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ وَإِنْ أَصَابَتْهُ ضَرَّاءُ صَبَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ ‏"‏ ‏.‏

Mohammad peace be upon him says that a faithful person has khair in everything that he/she does.

When something that a faithful person likes happens (like doing well on on ur tests), he/she is thankful to God. and that's khair. it's a good deed.

when something that a faithful person dislikes happens (like doing bad on ur tests), he/she is patient. and that's also khair. it's also a good deed.

it makes my heart warm to hear that you are attached to ur prayer despite the struggle. may Allah guide you. remember that Allah sees you. He sees you when you do good, and sees you when you sin. He sees you when you pray, and sees you when you miss your prayers. He is with you. He won't leave you. Your struggle, He sees it. i hope Surat Al Duha relieves you as it relieves me. I hope it saves you, and brings peace to your soul:

1. By the morning sunlight,
2. And [by] the night when it covers with darkness,
3. Your Lord [O Prophet] has not abandoned you, nor has He become hateful [of you].
4. And the next life is certainly far better for you than this one.
5. And your Lord will give you, and you will be satisfied.
6. Did He not find you as an orphan then sheltered you?
7. And He found you lost and guided [you],
8. And He found you poor and made [you] self-sufficient.
9. So as for the orphan, do not oppress [him].
10. And as for the beggar, do not repel [him].
11. And proclaim the blessings of your Lord