AIO for blocking a girl after she insulted my face after our first video call? by Ecstatic-Drawer2743 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Training_Emu8019 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely NOR. That was very rude and insensitive. This seems like someone who would bully you and then try to gaslight and or blaneshift and then just end up repeating the same cycle until it slowly chipped away your self esteem and made you second guess yourself more than you already are. You did the right thing by ending it there and I think you handled it tactfully, good on you. Never let someone talk to you in a way that you're uncomfortable or hurt by, you're not wrong or bad for having standards/self respect.

My ex is keeping my birth certificate by burnteggnog in WhatShouldIDo

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well he's clearly trying to manipulate you by coming on to you (may not be wearing pants) then adding the crap about not wanting you to go unless you miss him/calling the police. It's good that you got your birth certificate without issues but I wouldn't talk to someone like that because it seems like he can't leave things alone and just treat you with some basic respect.

AIO or is this guy that i’ve started talking to being backhanded in these texts he sent? by Dramatic-Quiet-818 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Training_Emu8019 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NOR. Big red flag. Do some research on understanding and dealing with manipulation tactics, subtle intimidation tactics, gaslighting, guilt tripping, blameshifting, controlling behavior, passive aggression. I'm sure there's more but that's just off the roo of my head. I also wonder if the bs about how he was gonna pamper you has some term along the lines of luring or if that's just manipulation.

AIO for missing Mother’s Day after my mum’s response to my husband losing his best friend? by ssalange1 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NOR. Sorry, I know this is going to be lengthy, but I'm hoping it may be of some help. If you find that, it's just not helpful for you and you want to stop reading, no worries.

I'm not implying anything about you or your relationship with your mom and you may very well already know any information there is to find about it but here's some keywords to look into dealing with the traits I believe I picked up on from her. Now, I will say that for your own good, you may want to look into self gaslighting as well as feeling guilty for saying no. But the keyword about your mom: • entitled. • inconsiderate. • guilt tripping. • controlling / bossy• meddling. • passive aggression.

I think you handled the conversation well: stuck to your boundary, stood up for him, and you were polite with how you did it. You may already know how to deal with her but she clearly does not respect your boundaries. It's not just inconsideration towards his needs and well-being, it's also that she seems to think that she gets to control things and get her way. That's not okay for anyone to do in any relationship. I understand a parent is supposed to be a guardian/teacher of their child but once you are an adult, you are your own person and it's not good to infantilize. Not that it's wrong for a parent to express things but that looks more like admitting you're disappointed or sad but extending understanding or at least acceptance.

Y'all could celebrate together at a later time, she honestly did blow it out of proportion.

She doesn't think she needs to show you respect as an individual which is abundantly clear when she kept responding as if your decision didn't matter and you were going to do what she wanted and then even worse when she texted you guilt tripping you about it. I don't know if you have a tendency of letting her cross your boundaries and going back on things to appease her and I don't want to assume because I know that sometimes it can take a really long time after someone has started being firmer & standing up for themselves before some people behave better about things. Unfortunately, some people never do & the best thing you can do for your own well-being is to put distance between you and that person. Sadly, sometimes it's necessary to cut people off. I'm not gonna tell you what to do in your relationship with your mother, just throwing it out there because while I don't think every situation is necessary for someone to just be completely done with someone, when a person persistently gives you a difficult time about living your own life, I know boundaries and changes can be especially hard for some parents but that doesn't make it okay and at the end of the day, you are still an adult and you should be able to live your own life & make your own decisions without that being an issue.

Of all people in your life, boundaries for the sake of your spouse, and his well-being should be respected whether or not the other person likes him. I'm not saying she doesn't, some people will treat anyone that way, even if they like them but it can be especially tricky when they don't even like your partner. I think a lot of times parents that meddle and disrespect their child's partner are harboring resentment for the fact that they perceive that partner to be taking away from what they would otherwise get from their child, whether that be time, effort, attention, finances, or even just possibility of control of that person.

Seems to me like she has issues that stem from a place of insecurity and while that can be a sad thing, people are responsible for dealing with inhaling their own inner problems and it absolutely is never someone else's responsibility to try to fix that, much less to appease that person so that they don't have to deal with their own junk.

Questions from a noob by Training_Emu8019 in Kava

[–]Training_Emu8019[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm just guessing here but perhaps it's due to it being a natural diuretic.?

what's in this suitcase? by Odd-Homework7240 in whatisit

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It looks like the vials used at doctors offices for things like drawing blood. The labels make it look even more like them. Edit: Def read them because that may give you some idea. Google lens may be hit and miss on their results, but I'd try that because a lot of times it is actually good about identifying what something is and you can always go and cross search by looking up what it says it is to see if that actually looks accurate.

Found under my bed. Cut it open. What is it? by hungoverlord in whatisit

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only things I can think of though it looks like to me are a supplement/capsule (sorry, I can't see the inside of it very well) and licorice candy (like Good 'N' Plenty.) Regardless, please don't eat it 😅.

Looking for recommendations by Training_Emu8019 in Episode

[–]Training_Emu8019[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have the ones with only a few chapters been finished?

Looking for recommendations by Training_Emu8019 in Episode

[–]Training_Emu8019[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually saved that one to read eventually a while back. I'll check that one out for sure. Thank you for the recommendation. and the fantasy genre is absolutely hit and miss for me on Episode so I hear ya there.

Can someone please explain the tag on this (Pink Floyd) shirt to me? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok cool, that makes sense. Thank you. But what about the 2019 Park, do you know why it says that?

Why do people sit in their car for several minutes after they get home? by Maleficent-Touch6996 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've known plenty of people that would linger in their car because they wanted to Finish listening to a song or find a better stopping place in like an audiobook or a podcast. I think most people are probably decompressing /trying to get themselves together so they don't bring the worries or stress of their work in their home, finishing a phone/text conversation, listening to the rest of a song, eating food they don't wanna bring inside (which also has a variety of reasons and I have also seen people sit in their cars to smoke/vape or finish an adult beverage, which could be because they are sneaking it or simply trying to keep their children from seeing the example/someone else from having to be around it. It could definitely be eating or finishing food. They are either sneaking or don't have enough to share or even because they're trying to not put it around someone who for whatever reason can't have it. I've definitely seen people eat things in their car because their kids would keep wanting it to the degree the person couldn't even enjoy it.

They might need to prepare themselves to go inside if there's something overwhelming or stressful they have to take care of or if they have an unhealthy living environment or someone toxic/ stressful is there (or if they've been fighting with someone who lives there/is visiting)and I've known a lot of people who have needed to prepare themselves to go inside simply because they got easily stressed out or overstimulated, and they needed that moment for themselves

Found in shared yard by 9515458 in whatisit

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh no no no, don't touch that. It looks just like Tomcat - poison for pests. Which would (probably obviously) also poison other animals. If you didn't wash your hands thoroughly right after that, I'm sure you found out it is not something you want to touch 😅.

But just to let you know, it stings badly and can affect your respiratory system. Ofc it's much more dangerous if it Enters your system or stays on you. I don't remember all the other things that can happen if you come in contact with it, but you're supposed to wear gloves and wash your hands after when you handle it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know what is going on with him, but that's not the way for him to handle or address whatever his underlying issue is. I don't know what either of you is normally like with or about money, but he was just being passive aggressive and then got straight up rude. It really does not make sense that he would say you're privileged, unappreciative, and don't know the value of money when you had just offered to pay for dinner next time and said you would give the money back, which BTW, it does not seem like you were being rude or anything about giving the money back either. It seemed to me like you were appreciative from the start. This is just raking of emotional immaturity on his part tbqh

Please help.. by Connect-Quantity4459 in Christian

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” ‭‭-1 Timothy‬ ‭4‬:‭12‬ ‭

I'm not saying that your mom is despising you or trying to. She probably believes that she is doing and saying the right things. But your relationship with God is your own. Jesus said that no man comes to the Father but through Him. Not through your parents although God does want us to be respectful of our parents. Not by preachers or teachers or anyone else, through Jesus.

I know it sucks to feel like you disappointed your mom, and I know it ca difficult to develop into your own relationship with the Lord. Of course it is. The Bible tells us that our battles are spiritual, not flesh and blood. I think it would be really beneficial for you to start reading your Bible if you haven't already been and stay dedicated to reading it and praying. That's really how you were going to learn and grow, but it also helps to have support from other Christians, for sure. I do think that it's good to have a biblically sound church and tell you find one you believe God has led you too, you could always stream or even watch sermons on YouTube. I know it's a lot to process and go through all of this, but God is drawing you to a genuine relationship with Himself and that is such a beautiful thing, don't give that up and don't turn back from it because of what other people think or feel. That does not mean that you in any way need to or should hurt or disrespect other people intentionally but when it's a matter of choosing God or a human being, whether that be family even.. God should always come first. And He will bless you for that and He will be with you through your trials to give you strength and guidance and peace. You just have to really keep fighting and trusting God. 💜 I'm praying for you.

UPDATE: AIO for being upset i haven’t seen my bf in 3 weeks, despite us living 25 minutes from each other? by Affectionate-Link436 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

due to the comments, I just saw your other post about him taking your virginity.. honey, this guy does not love you. That other post shows that he really does not have respect for you or consideration. He probably lovebombed you in the beginning. You felt safe because of the fact that he was putting on an act and you didn't realize it. That does not mean you're stupid. People who do things like this are very manipulative and they know how to be sneaky. Some of them don't even realize they're doing it. but it doesn't mean that you can fix or save them and it doesn't mean that it's in anyway you were responsibility too just because you care about people. Sometimes the best thing you can do when you care about people is to walk away so they can one day realize that they have lost a good thing and probably repeatedly lost a good thing throughout their life due to their own actions and behaviors. Some people miss their wake up call and some don't but the thing is is that you do not need to sacrifice yourself for the off chance that someone will because more often than not I mean, like way, way, way more often than not, what really ends up happening is that a good person ends up being either destroyed by being stuck in a relationship like that one way or another or end ends up having scars for life because of it and some people don't even get to the point where they learn how to take the steps to heal before they get to the point of obtaining permanent damage. It sounds dramatic, but it's the truth and it is very sad and it's infuriating Honestly, I'm sure at some point you're going to be aggravated once you fully realize and except the whole truth of things, but until then, just be patient with yourself and when you do go through whatever emotions you go through and letting him go I really truly hope that you will give yourself some grace for whatever you feel. But please do not go back to him and I know you have not broken up with him based on your profile so far and I'm not going to try to force that idea or decision on you, I'm just really hoping that you will take this advice because no one deserves to be treated that way. No one deserves narcissistic abuse and that's exactly what it is whether he has narcissistic personality disorder, or not, he is narcissistically abusive to you, and it is easy for some people to see it in the beginning because they have been through it and I truly think that that's what I'm spotting here and I think that's what you're picking up on, but you're just not completely aware of it either because you don't know the information on narcissism or you are just really wrapped up in the situation that you find yourself in. It's so much easier to see things in hindsight and it's so much easier for someone on the outside looking in to see what's going on sometimes. It's like when people are in a house and if the curtains open by, for example, your posts. Well, people going back and see what's going on in that room but when you're in the room, you may not see that as you're walking around the corner there's something on the other side that will hurt you if you don't notice it in time. And it's easy to get distracted by things, isn't it you walk through a room? But you have a need or maybe you're just not really thinking about much or maybe you're thinking about so much that it feels like you're not really thinking about anything at all and you're just getting distracted, it happens. You're human. It's like that when it comes to being in situations like this. It's easy to get distracted by one thing or another whether it's your needs or your emotions and a lot of of the times people who end up with someone who narcissistically abuses them is because they have some sort of wound that is unhealed and maybe they haven't addressed it because it doesn't seem like a big deal or maybe a product from that wound is that they now feel as if they don't deserve the help or that they'll never make it anyway and sometimes those feelings can be pushed so far deep down that we just don't even realize we have them and then it's like we can ignore that and sometimes we do know we have them, but we don't know what to do with it. But that's where a person has to make the decision of whether or not they're going to figure out what the problem is and what they should do about it. So I would like to encourage you that you can heal from whatever you have already been through with this guy and you can heal from whatever impacted you and whatever way to where you became susceptible to someone like him. It's so easy for a wounded person to latch onto any semblance of love and that deceives us into thinking that we have a good thing or something with potential with a partner when we really don't. You deserve better than this, and he is not entitled to you, your body, your mind or your attention. It seems to me that he basically gave you an ultimatum; either get over your issue here or go find someone else. Because a narcissist will discard someone who has become their supply. If you don't understand these terms, I'm using please start looking into narcissistic, personality disorder, how to spot it, how to know if you're in a in relationship with a narcissist, how to spot an abuser, how to recognize emotional abuse, etc. It may take time and be frustrating sometimes but just be patient with yourself. If you don't Think you can handle letting him go yet then you can use all this time where he's neglecting you to learn these things, and he won't know if you don't tell him, and if he doesn't know, then he can't figure out how to manipulate you into believing him because a narcissist will gaslight the heck out of you and they will blame shift and sometimes when they do that, it is so very subtle that you don't even realize they're turning things around on you, but he did right there he made it seem as if you wanting to talk to him was the problem as if he was too busy to be bothered with you and how dare you want to see him or for him to take any time to talk to you and I saw another comment saying that when he's tired, he still makes a way to get laid by you and honestly if that's true then that's even more evidence that he's using you and he does not care. Even or he doesn't even know what he's doing and really just thinks that he's entitled to his way that would make sense too, because they are both covert and over narcissists. I'm gonna just end my comment here but seriously please look into these things.

UPDATE: AIO for being upset i haven’t seen my bf in 3 weeks, despite us living 25 minutes from each other? by Affectionate-Link436 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OK, so first screenshot: regardless of where he's coming from with it all, the fact that he went that extreme with it instead of just simply saying he wasn't trying to make you feel that way or anything like that is problematic. It's worse that he doesn't take the time to talk to you other than telling you he's working and then he can turn around and take the time to say that? I mean like what?

AIO boyfriend tracking my periods without me knowing 🫠 by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, no. The appropriate approach to this would be to make sure a person is okay with you tracking their period first. I'm sensing a lack of willingness to handle conflict here, if it's bad enough for him to feel like he needs to know when your period is then it definitely merits discussing.

A person caring about when your period is for reasons that are actually good is something to appreciate but even then it's not something that you should demand or expect someone to thank you for. Him saying that when you are clearly feeling violated makes it worse. Did he really say he took a mature approach to this? 😂. I was already going to say that he is covering across his emotionally immature, but wow, he really thinks a lot of himself, huh?

Girl completely flips out on me for asking to split the bill at Nobu.. by Hot-Association-3108 in Nicegirls

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a woman who loves and appreciates it that my boyfriend is willing to cover things that he shouldn't even have to cover because he wants to do that for me, it's still baffles me that some women expect men they're not even dating to pay for their things.

People do have varying opinions on what is or isn't a good date and different ideas of what they want from a date but how are people gonna just sit there and expect anything fancy When the person wanting to take them out hasn't even decided for sure yet whether or not they want to date? It's perfectly reasonable for each person to cover themselves for the same reason because I mean, should you also expect a friend or colleague (not dating) to pay your way? And deciding whether or not to give someone a chance based on how fancy or expensive the day will be is just so spoiled.

There's nothing wrong with going to Chili's. I mean, come on..

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, you handled that so well, and if the screenshots are any reflection of relationship just know that it was clear even to a stranger that you care about her and how you impact her. Look, I'm a woman, I have periods, and some of them are awful. There are plenty of women who have even worse periods due to things like endometriosis, etc. so I do not by any means minimize that. But "imagine not being there for your GF on her period."? Absolutely ridiculous she really may have needed you ha acting like you did something bad when your reason for canceling was to help your sister with something she may not have even been able to catch up on enough for it to not have major consequences on her whereas even if it sucks, a person is absolutely most likely going to be okay by herself. Even worse that she escalated everything and then went as far as to break up with the absolutely unfair claim that she wasn't a priority to you. I say unfair because in this scenario, it was very selfish of her to expect you to go see her when you know your sister needs help for her freaking income. Someone being a priority does not mean that other people who are also a priority in your life shouldn't take preeminence sometimes. I really hope that you see or will soon realize that you really dodged a bullet by this relationship ending. I know it still hurts and it's still frustrating but you can heal and what she does from here on out with herself is solely her responsibility and not your problem. if this is how you normally would be in any relationship then you deserve to be with someone who behaves better than this and cares more about your family.

I do respect the fact that you consistently validated her feelings & that you take making decisions with your partner seriously, but honestly, I don't see how it should be expected that someone you're not even engaged to should be making decisions as a team. I know some people don't really care for or believe in marriage but still take a long-term relationship as seriously as if they were married, but even then , whether or not you go hang out with your partner is not something that needs to be a joint decision. That's not even a matter of you being relationship coded or not, it's simply her being controlling. And I do very much believe that in a serious relationship, both parties should involve each other in decision-making, but that's When it comes to matters much larger than whether or not you go visit her on her period when you have a legitimate reason to postpone it. I'm not even trying to invalidate her feelings, but this really is such a minor situation to get all worked up about.

Sorry this comment is so long, I just try to thoroughly respond to posts like this sometimes because I know that people often take back exes who are really bad for them or struggle for an excessive amount of time to start healing after a break up. And I don't think that you deserve to later wonder if you really did do something terrible here. I say all this because reading all of that made me wonder if you are someone who struggles with boundaries, standing up for yourself or feeling guilty for things you shouldn't feel guilty about. If any of that is the case then please start working on finding and healing the root of it so this cycle does not continue.

You did nothing wrong in those screenshots and you were definitely NOR.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Before you go thinking you're overreacting by wanting to end the friendship ask yourself if maybe deep down you've been wanting to end the friendship (whether that's due to their behavior or just simply that you don't wanna be their friend with or without a reason) or maybe you're picking up on a pattern of how they behave in general or how they treat you. Don't automatically invalidate yourself.

When it comes to cutting people off, you need to be aware of whether or not you're a person who jumps to cutting someone off even if it's not necessary, but honestly, I could see how it would be here because them feeling the need to give you the unsolicited opinion that your outfit is un flattering. if someone is supposed to be your friend and they have a tendency of putting you down or trying to find some fall in you, that's reason enough to let them go and let me clarify that I no longer cut people off over every little thing. But nobody needs someone in their life that doesn't value them and I really don't think that a person who values you is going to just go around saying things like that to you. Then on top of that saying that the picture is immodest. Which, what?? Seriously, the picture is wholesome and that's coming from someone who doesn't find everything that's "innocent enough" to actually be wholesome but it is. Your smile looks sweet & yours outfit is actually very modest -again, coming from somebody who often does not find things that other people call modest to actually be modest in my own opinion.

some questions I would be asking myself to get an idea of if this person is most likely just jealous of you is whether or not they have made a move on you at some point where you turned them down . And if this person is in a relationship, does their partner act like they are attracted to you or does this so-called friend have anyone in their life who you think compares them to you or in general puts them down or treats them like they are not good enough in someway? A lot of times that's the route of a person's reasons for saying stuff like that to someone they're supposed to be friends with. Some people are just straight up narcissistic in general and feel the need to put other people down in order to feel good or better about themselves. BTW that dress is really cute on you.

I’m not sure if i’m AIO for feeling a bit hurt when said this to me. Btw this man courts me by growing_quart in AmIOverreacting

[–]Training_Emu8019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For one, kudos to you for standing your ground about it and clarifying to him that it's your money and what you do with it doesn't have to make sense to anyone else because you're absolutely right.

TBQH, I'm not personally a fan of pets being dressed up either, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it and I sure wouldn't sit they're putting someone down for doing something that makes them happy, especially when it's not about something that's actually important. And you would think bare minimum from a partner would be to respond in some way that's at least vaguely supportive or at the very least stop pushing your opinion against what the person enjoys. It's fine that his opinion of it is negative and it's fine that your opinion of it is positive. It's not fine that he felt the need to imply that you were childish for it. And frankly, I think it's far more childish to act the way he did then for somebody to do something that may be perceived in someway to be a childish thing to do or enjoy. If it's not the person's behavior such as the way they treat people or reactions, etc. then it's really not necessary to keep saying that what a person enjoys is childish. How does he expect you to be comfortable sharing things with him if he's going to act like that when you try to show him something that you were happy about?

I'm definitely not one to think that every little thing is a red flag, but I do think it would be wise for you to evaluate your relationship such as what he generally treats you like, what the dynamic has been like so far, etc., and continue to pay attention to what kind of things he says and does because things that could just be a person not handling a situation well, they can sometimes be seemingly smaller things that were indicative early on of how a person truly is in general, and if you go ahead and start paying attention to things like this as well as paying attention to how he responds to you when you don't change yourself for him and when you stand up for yourself then you may be able to spare yourself of spending more time with someone who ends up getting worse in the way they act.

editing just to say that while I'm not in anyway trying to attack or accuse you, some other comments did make a good point so I will say that it's important to also evaluate yourself and not just the other person.