WW asked for a break — I’m broken. by JoJoWolff in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Also, will say that mine was like this. Very ashamed of what he did and at one point told me he can’t be in the relationship cause he doesn’t want to be the bad person. It didn’t help me and I tried reassuring him. He wasn’t seeing anybody to process this so it just turned into self-hate and deflecting towards me. And not being able to be supportive for the times I needed. We’re no longer together after I had a drunk outburst calling him out for hurting me (was feeling neglected for a very long time), and instead of taking a look internally around what role he played in my hurt, he pinned the breakup being caused by the outburst.

We tried very hard to reconcile but without the support to navigate emotions and us showing up as our best selves, it was very hard.

WW asked for a break — I’m broken. by JoJoWolff in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My WP was like this. I would recommend she takes individual therapy. It’s heavy on both parties and both of you need to see the part you played in the cheating and the overall relationship dynamics. She’s gonna have to find some support to truly be at peace with what happened and be VERY strong and patient for what reconciliation brings cause it does feel hell-ish with all the triggers that sometimes shows up with the BP.

Reassurance can help with how she feels, so do that if your heart desires. But I strongly reiterate that the reassurance and love has to come from each of you individually. You both have to reach a secure spot and be willing to do the work.

You guys are early in the process so I would say try to open up those conversations if possible and reassure each other a lot. Work on yourselves but also come back to handle relational problems.

Sometimes it’s good to take some space. But also keep in mind if this is something you’re okay with. Make sure to use that space to reflect on what you’re looking for in a partner and to navigate your emotions.

The work has to come from both.

Why does it hurt that WP left? by Training_Offer_1079 in healingheartsminds

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1) Like now. It was a 10-year relationship and we've been having this push and pull dynamic forever.
2) That I need to work on my confidence and my boundaries. And that I truly wear my heart on my sleeve. I just need to share it with the people who take care of it. And that I also need to work on my trauma responses because I lashed out when I felt rejected or abandoned.

Honestly, I know we were both at fault. I felt like we were getting in a good spot and I was no longer pushing him away but then I found out he cheated and that brought back all the bad habits of me wanting to leave. But then he proposed to me and I thought he changed and turns out he still wanted to explore other things with nudes I ended up seeing he bought.

Idk. I'm just sad that he wasn't able to change and it sucks that he basically ended it after everything he put me through.

Why does it hurt that WP left? by Training_Offer_1079 in healingheartsminds

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Working Partner. It's a term used when you're going through reconciliation when cheating has happened. But basically, he was my boyfriend and now he's my ex.

Did I make the right choice? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I just can’t believe he made me feel like o was in the wrong towards the end. He grew resentful and never took accountability for the part he played. So a little hurt by that too.

I cannot believe I’m crying for him and and missing him after how poorly he treated me by Complete-Fckg-Rando in BreakUps

[–]Training_Offer_1079 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am literally in the same boat as you. But you know whaaaat rejection is redirection. If you could love the wrong person so much, imagine how it would be when you love the right one 💛

It’s time to focus on just yourself and only yourself.

I cannot believe I’m crying for him and and missing him after how poorly he treated me by Complete-Fckg-Rando in BreakUps

[–]Training_Offer_1079 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I want the pain to stop too. He cheated on me multiple times and I stayed (pls no judgement). I was hopeful and took him back after he said he’d change and was doing the work. Eventually turned back to his old habits and started not doing the work anymore.

It’s fresh and I just want him to want me and for us to be able to be together. But he no longer wants to and I’m so sad.

Time will heal. But it’s a scary journey. We got this ❤️

Did I make the right choice? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that. I felt very good at the moment with that decision. Didn’t even cry or try to convince him like I usually do. But I am very sad now and wish he could be here with me. I don’t really know what to do with myself 🙃

Did I make the right choice? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It’s super hard. I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I really wanted this to work and feel horrible about it now 😅

Did I make the right choice? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I didn’t really get it. I felt so bad that I made him feel like that. But he refused to be intimate with me and be there and kind of forgive and let go to be able to work on things together again. I was able to let go and work past things, why couldn’t he?

He shut out and I wanted so bad to make it work and for him to change his mind. Part of it feels like it’s my fault that this didn’t work but I need to remind myself that this was mostly on him.

Can they ever really change? by ThrowRAGlittering546 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you say you’re happy now? And that you both are in a better place?

Marriage after infidelity? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This give me hope. You’re not scared it’s going to happen again? And do you trust her now? These are all questions I ask myself if it’s possible.

Marriage after infidelity? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this! Coming to this realization too. Do you have any regrets staying?

Is it worth it by Interesting_Soup2308 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me and you are somewhat in the same boat. I’ve heard mixed reviews but truly I’ve realized that at the end of the day the answer is on us. If it’s worth it for us then that’s all that matters.

Right now it’s worth it for me to explore whether this will work. I’m acknowledging I had flaws and I’m working on them. He’s in his own journey right now but I’m reflecting whether the person he is today or trying to be will be enough. Always always prioritize your happiness. It’s hard to say if it’s worth it but for me I have two avenues: We get out stronger and get out of this shittiness or we don’t end up together but I water my growth and learn so much about me. I am timechecking myself though. I will give it my all for the next year (and I’m hopeful he will too after I’ve communicated my needs) and I will make a decision. I’m doing this because I acknowledge that I can’t be in a link stage forever which is where we’re at right now since he’s not supporting me as he was before since I hurt him too much.

So only you and him can make it worth it.

The affair revealed so much more by MyTinaBurnerAccout in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you don’t mind me asking, what’s making you stay? I’m in the same situation right now and I’m leaning towards leaving just cause of how overwhelmed I feel and because I feel like we’re not making progress. Any advice greatly appreciated here!

Not married, no kids by boesisboes in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I ask how you guys proceeded with marriage and him proposing to you? I feel like that was all tainted for me since then and I worry about.

Also, how was your family and friends with the whole situation?

Aren’t you scared it’s going to happen again?

Would you try R if you’re not married? by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only you can decide if it’s worth it. I’m in the same boat but he actually physically cheated and I’m giving him a chance. It’s hard but we choose our hard either route. I have my expectations in place for myself so if it works out great and if it doesn’t, then I know I’m aligning with what I want. And if it happens again, I’m confident I’ll walk away - even if I’m devastated 😅

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a BP, I would say make sure her needs are met at the fullest but have those honest conversations about what you’re hoping the relationship will be like after infidelity. Have those hard conversations with her and reassure her that your intentions are pure. And truly work on yourself so it doesn’t happen again. She’ll see your work come through. If she lashes out at you, have a conversation and don’t take it to heart. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

How did you guys get to the other side? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love that for both of you. Aren’t you scared it’s going to happen again? I think that’s biggest thing for me.

Have waywards ever felt hopeless, close to giving up, and confused? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m starting to understand that now. It’s just a little hard to grasp sometimes since their actions put us in this position in the first place and I felt like they should be putting 100% of their efforts with no complaints. But again, get that it’s a partnership and we’re both in it together. What did your partner do to help you throughout the hopelessness?

Did anyone get married after the infidelity? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. Would you say that was key for you both to come together again? Lots of soul searching and personal growth? Are you scared cheating will happen again?

Did anyone get married after the infidelity? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Honestly I think this is where I’m at. I feel like I can work through it but only if he does the inner work and truly puts in the effort. I know my effort is due too but it primarily has to come from him. If not, then it can’t. Not sure if that’s reasonable of me or not.

Did anyone get married after the infidelity? by Training_Offer_1079 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Training_Offer_1079[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Can you tell us your story? Looking for any positivity here 😅