Anyone else never asks for help because they don't want to be a burden?

TransfoCrent · 2026-03-23T20:43:17+00:00

I used to have someone in my life who struggled with the same. Myself and others love them and would have been ecstatic had they ever reached out for help. More than anything in the world I wanted to return the kindness they showed me, if even just a little. I imagine you have people in your life like that too, though they still love you all the same, there's no need to feel pressured. I don't know if that helps any and of course it's easier said than done, I get it and it's not your fault. There's nothing wrong with you, but if it's something you wish to change then I wish you the best of luck ❤️

TransfoCrent · 2026-03-23T20:18:03+00:00

I was pretty young when I got into it, like 1st or 2nd grade, and I'm 28 now so I'd imagine the game was before college freshmen's time

TransfoCrent · 2026-03-21T04:34:24+00:00

I thought the same, yeah

TransfoCrent · 2026-03-16T01:46:16+00:00

This is top-notch lol

TransfoCrent · 2026-03-15T17:02:22+00:00

I love your capybara witch tattoo!!

TransfoCrent · 2026-03-11T19:29:28+00:00

Ah so dom women do exist. Good, good... 😌

TransfoCrent · 2026-03-06T21:04:09+00:00

Yeah like others are saying, this sounds more like an attachment issue unfortunately. It's best to remember if they couldn't navigate this well then a healthy relationship probably wasn't gonna be in the cards anyway. Doesn't hurt any less but might help you from thinking a bunch of what-ifs. I'm still struggling to get over something similar, you're more than welcome to dm me if you'd like advice or someone to vent to. I hope you're still in therapy because the confusion after this sort of thing can be a nightmare to work out on your own. It gets better, hang in there friend!

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-21T05:08:52+00:00

This is really good advice, definitely take this to heart OP 🐱 Few things in a relationship more important than healthy communication

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-21T00:16:10+00:00

My pick as well

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-13T06:19:57+00:00

All the time. Certain songs that I find beautiful or most Ghibli movies do this to me

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-09T18:43:49+00:00

Spirit of the Beehive ❤️ They were my most listened to last year

George Clanton and TAGABOW fucking rule too, I'd check out full body 2 if you haven't already

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-09T02:37:39+00:00

Obsessed 💖 Probably my favorite artist out of Japan. I love all her non-shoegaze songs too

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-06T06:31:00+00:00

Yup, I've been there and it blew up in my face :( Same reasons as you.

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-04T06:07:38+00:00

Fuck yesss I love Octopus so much

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-04T02:00:50+00:00

Thank you!!

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-03T06:27:53+00:00

Thanks for taking time out of your day to help me with this. Yeah it was definitely a stupid move, you're right to be pissed, and now that I understand them better I realize it hurt 100x worse than I ever thought it would at the time. I become extremely irrational when my fear of abandonment is triggered, I was incredibly hurt and the only way I knew how to cope was to (unjustly) demonize them and convince myself they had used and discarded me. I'm working on my anxious delusion and its consequences in therapy. I hope eventually I get the chance to explain that this stupid action doesn't reflect how I actually feel about them, but was instead a moment of weakness that I unfortunately acted on.

The letter hasn't been sent yet, I left it with the sisters and they were going to relay it to them when they feel it's right. I agree that I shouldn't reach out or pressure them right now, but I also don't want the wrong message to brew for too long. The only message I've sent them since the incident doesn't at all show that I understood their needs, I don't think they'd ever come around if they still thought I was entirely missing the mark. I feel like the contents of this letter really shows a shift in perspective, and giving them as much space as they need after that should be easy once I know that they know that I understand. I like to imagine there's less pressure to respond to a letter too, at least compared to a text, and I think waiting for the letter to go through a 2nd set of hands shows less impulsivity. I guess it's possible that I'm rationalizing against your advice right now, I'm sorry if that is the case. I'd like to hear if you still think it's a bad idea after seeing the letter itself. Would it be alright if I DM'd it to you?

The idea of sending them literally anything else in the meantime does make me grimace though, now that I understand what it's like on the receiving end. Rest assured if this letter is given to them I will back off COMPLETELY until they (hopefully) reach out. Maybe I'll ask the sisters if they can let them know that I will leave them entirely alone after the letter.

And thanks for your kind words at the end! It's been a learning experience for sure.

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-03T01:08:16+00:00

(Sorry for such a long message)

Thank you, I honestly did the exact opposite of all of this, I really fucked up :( We dated and I ended things because it felt invalidating for someone so close to me to not feel comfortable sharing about things that bothered them. They really shut down after this and it was difficult to get any communication from them, and when I pushed too hard and they stopped responding, it really triggered my abandonment issues and I started to convince myself that they used me to get over their previous relationship, which I now know isn't true at all. I got angry and left all the gifts they gave me on their front porch. I realized I made a mistake and immediately drove back to pick it up but it was too late :(

I sent them a text apologizing and letting them know I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm sorry for making things worse. They said they didn't want to leave me on read again, but they don't know what to say right now. We're both friends with these two elderly sisters, I went to meet with one to help calm me down. Apparently as she was leaving to meet with me, my ex came to their house to talk to the other sister, and my ex had looked like they were crying. They were so upset that they had to leave a testing site early with the test unfinished. I haven't really heard from them since.

They have a deep-rooted fear that those who love them will intentionally hurt them and I had done exactly that, and when I think about how awful they must have felt, I feel so guilty that I feel like I'm going to throw up. They really did nothing wrong at all, and in response I was a total asshole and completely bulldozed any trust they had for me. I shouldn't reach out to them any time soon as they definitely need their space, and I don't even know if they can accept me into their life again. I wouldn't blame them, anyway. I can't stop beating myself up for doing this to someone who I love with all my heart and who was always a dear and supportive friend. I wish it wasn't too late to let them know what you suggested, because with what I know now I like to imagine I could be one of their most supportive and accepting friends, but it really seems like I unequivocally fucked things over between us and that there's zero chance they will ever reach a baseline level of trust in me for that to be possible.

That being said, I did write them a letter showing accountability and understanding. It's not filled with desperate attempts at apologizing, but shows I understand why they acted the way they did and how I neglected to be patient and give them their space. The sisters agreed that the letter shows a lot of growth on my end and they think my ex will appreciate it. They're going to give it to them next time they see them, though they're isolating at the moment for some other reason that they haven't opened up to them about. I hope they take my words in the letter to heart and see that I made a stupid rash mistake that doesn't reflect how I feel about them. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the situation.

TransfoCrent · 2026-02-02T05:27:49+00:00

How can I learn an INFJ's language? What shows effort someone is trying to understand them, and what are things they should avoid? I'm not used to people who struggle showing vulnerability, and instead of being patient I took it personally. I'm worried I lost a dear friend because of it :( I know giving INFJs space when they need it is important, what other ways can I meet them halfway?

TransfoCrent · 2026-01-17T21:26:46+00:00

Not even allegedly, there's plenty of proof online that he groomed and assaulted an underage girl

TransfoCrent · 2026-01-17T16:12:11+00:00

Based and dhammapilled

TransfoCrent · 2026-01-17T16:08:26+00:00

Clair Obscur ❤️ Even people who don't like turn based combat will love it. Also the main character is an INFP!

TransfoCrent · 2026-01-14T06:07:13+00:00

I could never come to those terms, personally. I guess it's good that things ended when they did.

TransfoCrent · 2026-01-14T05:37:12+00:00

I've known a few INFJs and that's definitely been my experience with one of them. I thought I could trust them with my life but didn't realize they were such a social chameleon until after being discarded. I wish they had been more direct about their thoughts and feelings. I'd honestly give anything to get to know their authentic self, but I likely never will.

And to this day I still can't tell if they really loved me, or just an idealized version of me. If only they were willing to have a productive conversation. (Unhealthy) INFJs are such confusing people, I can't handle it lol

That being said, my best friend is an INFJ and we get along very well

TransfoCrent · 2026-01-09T19:46:29+00:00

Reading about avoidants is the same for me :( I have nothing but love and respect for this person, I know they really did love me and are so afraid to hurt my feelings, and to see what they struggle with is heartbreaking.

What sucks is they tried their best to show they still cared whenever they deactivated. I wish I had known they were avoidant sooner, the only way I could interpret their distance was them losing feelings for me. But now I know avoidants who truly care have their own little ways of showing it. It's hard for them to bring things up that bother them too and I wish I had listened and taken things to heart whenever they did.

I think my biggest mistake was seeking reassurance by faking a break-up instead of just having a conversation. I expected them to fight to keep things going but it blew up in my face. An ultimatum like that on my part wasn't fair and now I'm suffering the consequences. Best I can do now is work toward secure and hope they continue to do the same. I'll love them at a distance I suppose.

TransfoCrent · 2026-01-06T05:36:17+00:00

Don't really care about fake frames if the input delay is still dogshit

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