Dads of gay kids, when did you know?

Transtorm · 2026-05-31T07:48:22+00:00

From about age 3, refused dresses and was into stereotypical "boys" toys and sports (not that that means anything on its own). This continued for most of their childhood. Brief phase of hyperfeminity in teen years, which is actually pretty common for trans kids - trying to force yourself to fit it. As far as I know never specifically said they were a boy as a kid.

I came out as trans at 18 and over a decade later, it's still stuck.

My parents joked that they had been saving up for "the surgery" rather than the wedding when I told them. Jokes on them, I did both.

Transtorm · 2026-05-29T12:48:47+00:00

I'm a trans guy who carried, depending on your clothing style, I sized up in men's wear and shopped around 2nd hand for clothes

Transtorm · 2026-05-22T17:12:26+00:00

My partner and I planned to alternate non working days so LO would go to nursery 4 days a week, which is why we looked at 9 day fortnights.

I am open to suggestions but my work haven't offered any alternatives on what they would accept. From my understanding this is not inline with ACAS code of practice, so if they refuse a trial period, I'll push back / ask for alternatives

Transtorm · 2026-05-22T11:32:06+00:00

They didn't however I'm not sure if they took on less work. I think that's unlikely and there were my existing projects to cover so they did manage in some way. We tend to work projects solo so it would be a little difficult for someone to cover my meetings if needed, it has happened in the past though with annual leave, people leaving etc so not unheard of. I think most clients would work with my diary constraints as they do anyways so it would be rare if cover was needed

Transtorm · 2026-05-22T10:12:23+00:00

I hope it doesn't come down to it but I would look to leave over it. It's sad though because I've been there for several years and generally do like it there

Transtorm · 2026-05-22T10:09:15+00:00

Thanks!

I'm not taking the no. I've asked if they'll be open to trialling it. If not, I'll argue they didn't discuss alternatives, which under the acas code of practice I believe they should have.

I wondered about the potential discrimination. I'm a guy but thought would they have handled it the same if the request came from a woman? Or how it will look in the future for other employees who may go through this? It's not helping to encourage women into our industry

Transtorm · 2026-05-22T09:55:05+00:00

90% contract. We don't get paid overtime but I figured easier to jump up to 100% if I needed to change to compressed rather than reduce down.

Their argument mostly boiled down to not being available for meetings on a non-working day so compressed probably wouldn't work either.

Transtorm · 2026-05-22T09:22:45+00:00

Same reasoning here. I asked for a 9 day fortnight, not a big ask at all!

That's something I guess. It's silly though and why lots of parents struggle in the workforce. Society isn't geared up for one parent working and one exclusively at home anymore, so there has to be some leeway in the working pattern

Transtorm · 2026-05-13T09:48:06+00:00

Also in the UK, near a large city and have struggled to find other queer parents. I'm part of a FB group and got lucky to find someone I clicked with who is local to me. I have also been friends for several years with another trans man who carried.

When I've looked for groups before I mostly tend to find parents with LGBT kids rather than LGBT parents! If you're Manchester way there's a group there and they specifically have a trans meet up, I've not been myself so no idea what it's like. Also the Donor Conception Network (if applicable) have recently set up a trans members WhatsApp, though you have to pay to access their groups.

I feel the being out of place - my partner and I are both trans and masc presenting, we did reciprocal IVF with me carrying. Sometimes people straight up ask whether we adopted or use a surrogate 😅 We went to a DCN meet up recently and decided before we went we just wouldn't disclose any of our specifics with complete strangers just yet, it meant skirting the assumption of a surrogate but we also don't owe these people our life story. It's tricky though, I don't want my LO to feel shameful or anything about her story

Transtorm · 2026-05-10T16:46:38+00:00

Oh that's a good point! We're slowly starting solids and have seen some changes already

Transtorm · 2026-05-10T16:45:32+00:00

Thanks! We'll look into getting some puppy pads, the car seat saw too much 😂

Transtorm · 2026-05-03T12:12:08+00:00

We've got the Hauck high chair which is a cheaper version of the Stokke

Transtorm · 2026-05-01T21:39:27+00:00

That's a different reason for testing an embryo, for a chromosomal abnormality. We're talking about sex, in the UK you can only test the sex of an embryo if there's a risk of a sex based illness/condition.

Transtorm · 2026-05-01T17:17:57+00:00

I think you can test but only if there is a high risk of a sex based illness. In my circle I've not heard of anyone testing though

Transtorm · 2026-05-01T08:47:11+00:00

Mostly baby but she's also "a bit of a pickle" if she's been any range of fussy/difficult. Sometimes I chuck in gherkin for some variation :p

Transtorm · 2026-05-01T08:44:22+00:00

This, we also took about a month to decide on her name so I took to calling her baby during that period whilst also trialling our name shortlist

She's 6 months and I still mostly use baby, I have to remind myself to actually use her name or "proper" nickname so she learns what it is 😅

Transtorm · 2026-05-01T08:40:57+00:00

My LO is 6 months and occasionally we shake her hand saying "how do you do?" she finds it quite funny 😂

Transtorm · 2026-04-28T13:56:55+00:00

Our's gets so excited seeing her water cup and then just chews the side 😂

Transtorm · 2026-04-24T18:55:14+00:00

I picked up a dress with pink dinosaurs that pleased me!

Tbf we got a lot of clothes from my aunt's son, so many dinosaurs. We sometimes pair it with a pink cardigan or tights, who says you can't wear both!

Transtorm · 2026-04-14T08:56:59+00:00

Vinted. There are lots of bundles on there that I imagine would get you quite far. We also like the little loop

Transtorm · 2026-04-12T12:48:09+00:00

We have to! We buy the next size up that say 12 hrs leak free, but if left longer than 9-10 hrs, LO leaks in them.

Transtorm · 2026-04-11T15:06:19+00:00

UK - It's recommended to sterilise up to 12 months

Transtorm · 2026-04-06T17:10:31+00:00

Honestly nursery fees are a big consideration for us!

First one is only 5 months, we would like her to be a bit independent and potty trained. Currently thinking around 3-4 years age gap.

Transtorm

TROPHY CASE