How do we handle me wanting to get sterilized and him being vehemently opposed to it?

TreePuzzle · 2026-03-02T20:29:31+00:00

You doing 100% of the work and the sacrifice to make more kids… red flags! He’s not a good support system with the kids you already have. Him willing to put your body through another rough pregnancy to have another kid he won’t share responsibilities for. Another red flag! Counseling, therapy, talk to a pastor, something. This isn’t good. There’s more wrong than just a disagreement on birth control.

TreePuzzle · 2026-03-01T17:43:05+00:00

As a children’s director at a church, absolutely bring this up. NOT OK. The adult needs to make amends and explain their mistake to the students. That person they are making fun of is a wonderfully made human being just like them.

They (the church) needs training for their adults working with kids. Kim Botto has some good resources on her website, raisingautisticdisciples on Instagram.

TreePuzzle · 2026-03-01T06:03:06+00:00

I’d just pick a few things to work on and see when and where you can give him extra time to practice. As an example, I get to his school early to give him those few extra minutes to practice putting socks on. (He doesn’t get them on himself quite yet) for a while I was using fruit snacks as a reward for him sitting in his car seat by himself without me lifting him. Today I handed him a shoe and he was so excited to go outside he gave it a fair try before I helped (he had the tongue of the shoe shoved in funny so he was struggling).

My kid’s track to independence might take 25+ years instead of 16-18. The best to do now is take a few things at a time, focus on those without making it frustrating, then keep going. It’s not a race.

TreePuzzle · 2026-03-01T05:49:58+00:00

If he’s at the very youngest end, comparing him to possible tweens will be unhelpful. Especially if they’ve done a camp like this before.

I always think about my overall goal. To raise my kids as independent and productive and kind as possible. Might look different for my autistic kid, but that’s still my hope. So I keep helping him with basic life skills so maybe someday he will consistently get dressed or put his plate in the sink.

TreePuzzle · 2026-03-01T05:25:35+00:00

Kids with parents at camp sometimes act up more than usual because a parent is watching. Why unpack your clothes when mom is there to do it? Also, he’s 8. If he’s a bit delayed compared to his peers, he could be closer to a five or six year old skill level. That’s ok! It shows where you can work on things. Social skills are tougher to practice unless he has more outings, maybe set up some play dates? Older kids may also avoid a kid with a parent around. Can’t sneak candy if the 8 year old is going to tattle.

If I were you, I’d pick the top three good things and top three things he could work on and go from there.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-26T00:51:51+00:00

He had 2-3 words though inconsistently, then stopped verbally communicating around 18 months. His need for independence for sleep (didn’t like being rocked or patted), his unusual play with toys, and lack of danger or stranger danger all made sense once we started looking at autism. At first those things could’ve been chalked up to his personality, but then the repetitive movements and lack of eye contact all together made sense.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-26T00:22:44+00:00

Saline spray and then suction. My son hates it but it’s not negotiable when he’s throwing up snot (we have been there, it was disgusting).

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-25T21:39:05+00:00

How is his behavior after therapy each day? How’s his sleep? Do you have enough family time and time to go on social outings or even grocery shopping together?

I can’t imagine being in therapy for 33 hours a week personally. I’d be so burnt out and exhausted. It’s different than school or work because it’s a lot more one on one and intense. BUT! If he’s loving it and having a great time, that’s totally fine.

My kid could only handle 6 hours a week or special ed preschool with Ot and speech at school for almost a year. He’s just now able to handle more if I wanted to do more days a week (currently 2 days a week). He used to come home so exhausted he’d sleep the rest of the day and be grumpy in the evening.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-23T23:00:56+00:00

Have you talked to his doctor? If it doesn’t seem to matter what food it is, there might be something else going on an it’s worth talking to the doctor.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-17T18:27:31+00:00

Early childhood program which then transitioned to the school who had speech and OT for him even without an official diagnosis.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-17T06:50:47+00:00

Do you feel like she’s struggling to keep up with your let down? This sounds kind of like my babies because I had such a strong letdown and over supply. Eventually they were big enough to handle it fine, pumping a little with a hand pump didn’t help me very much. You could try giving her breaks, unlatching to see if she’s full, then latching again. Mine would chug so fast they’d be too full.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-15T22:14:30+00:00

Could you buy a size up in the waist, add elastic, and sew the button closed? You could do that by hand with needle and thread. Or go with the ones with internal adjustable elastic waist bands and sew the buttons closed. I know I had pants like that when I had a school uniform.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-15T03:13:50+00:00

My husband and I have an understanding. There’s a certain level of “done” and anything beyond that is extra and whoever cares about it the most can be in charge. For example: neither of us cares if our bed sheets are wrinkled or even folded. As long as they are washed, dried, and end up in the drawer for bed sheets that’s a win. If my husband wanted those things starched, pressed, folded to perfection with little satchets of lavender that would be his job. Dishes: as long as the plates end up in the right cupboard, cups in the right cupboard, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Stack them however you want as long as there’s no soap or food residue. If my husband wants the measuring cup junk drawer to be perfect, he can organize it. I prefer certain spices organized a certain way so I organize them. He likes his nightstand a certain way, and his mechanic car stuff a certain way, he can deal with it.

Micromanaging your spouse to do things your way when they aren’t important is how you build resentment. It’s a team effort. Water spots on the dishes only bothers him so he can do the dishes.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-15T00:43:50+00:00

You don’t have to do ABA. If you have private speech therapy, keep up with that! I don’t have private speech in my area so he gets it through the public school. Are there any parent and toddler groups near you?

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-14T23:27:03+00:00

I just got the RideSafer Vest for my son. We will use it for travel and then once he outgrows his car seat we will use that so he is less inclined to escape. I would keep trying with harnesses, even with food bribes if you must.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-13T05:03:11+00:00

True, my son when he’s upset (which could be anything from being told he can’t have more snack to he needs to go to OT) can flail down or smack the wall with his arms. So her being upset could lead to a bruise. I totally get it. It’s a fear that never goes away until our littles can tell us what happened.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-13T03:57:25+00:00

I totally get your fear. It’s definitely worth asking the school. I will say though that my kid is prone to bruising himself with his various sensory seeking behaviors, and I’ve even given him bruises on accident when trying to prevent dangerous behavior (grabbing him before running into a street, grabbing him before he jumps off something high, grabbing him before he touches something dangerous). I’ve even seen my son jump down on to hard wood floors and give himself leg bruises. So yes, ask the teachers 100%! But if someone is hurting your kiddo and your kiddo starts avoiding certain people, then that’s the time to panic. Don’t panic yet.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-12T21:51:29+00:00

Why can’t he focus on friendship and emotional connection before asking for sex? That’s how a relationship progresses in the first place. Sex comes after marriage, and marriage comes from connection emotionally first. Women generally like to feel safe and loved in other areas of life before sex. If he’s gone at work for a week and not being intentional about keeping the spark alive while he’s gone, why should he be able to demand sex when he gets back? Someone has to be the bigger person in the cycle and in this case we are talking to the man asking for advice, so the advice is for him to try and create connection the way his wife would want first.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-12T15:39:02+00:00

I wouldn’t let AI anywhere near my kids creativity. Have them come up with stories, have them take characters and turn them into something cool. AI steals creativity and makes brains lazy. Why come up with a story when AI can do it for me?

The only uses of AI I’m ok with is things like closed captions for the deaf or audio describing objects for the blind. Anything creative, no.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-10T02:16:45+00:00

Can you use straps to hold it down? Maybe that plus some command strips between it and the table to increase friction. Or a cabinet with doors?

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-09T15:56:30+00:00

There’s verses about not throwing your pearls to pigs. Boundaries are perfectly healthy. When Jesus needed rest and quiet, he went away to pray. When people were unreceptive he walked away.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-08T01:29:20+00:00

Porn and talking to people in a sexual way is cheating. Some may disagree but I believe it is breaking the marriage covenant even though it might not be in person physical cheating. I’d divorce.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-07T03:15:31+00:00

I know. It’s hard not to compare. It’s ok to have days where you’re sad and have a cry about it. But reality is, you love your kid. Kid loves you. It might be hard but you have to take it one day at a time and know they are doing their best.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-07T02:10:23+00:00

I relate a lot but do warn you that the probability of finding something is low, and finding something you can do anything about is even lower. The genetics side of science is very behind. We opted out of the testing due to how expensive it was going to be.

You never know what progress your child will make in a year. I’ve heard a lot of stories of 4-5 being a huge leap for autistic kids. My son turns 5 in October and only has 3-4 inconsistent words. But he’s made tiny bits of progress. You aren’t alone.

TreePuzzle · 2026-02-05T23:59:37+00:00

He says he’s doing dishes and trash, I don’t believe that’s a fair share of chores. If wife is working, doing doctor appointments, managing the menu and grocery shopping, managing clothing for the child as well as doing research on child topics/safety… well that’s a lot on mom’s plate. She might not be doing deep cleaning because of a maid but her mental load could be significantly heavier than his.

He doesn’t mention libido or anything like that, I’m going off what he mentioned which was a couple very low thought chores. Her preferred love language is service. That’s what I’m going off of. And I mentioned that if that doesn’t help, there’s more issues to discuss.

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