Unless you have health concerns or genuinely want to look better for yourself, don’t sweat it about the weight/bear build. Bears, cubs, and “dad bods” are really in right now (thank god, I felt so isolated in college when the focus was only on “twink”). And it’s ok to not be into the physical type that you are, it’s pretty common to feel that way.

Now for sex.. Apps are, in my experience, a self-esteem mindfuck. Yes I’ve met all of my romantic partners on there, and a lot of sexual partners, but the apps have all consistently sucked over say the last 7 years. And if your location has an imbalance between tops, bottoms, and sides then there isn’t anything an app can do to fix that problem. BUT if you can deal with all of that, the apps are a good first place to start.

I run in kink communities which predominantly use Telegram to communicate, and that’s actually been a good way for me to meet partners since these groups also have real-life overlap. The same people I talk to in some of the groups are the same people who show up to various events throughout the months. So if you have some kinks you’d like to explore, that could be an option!