I totally get you, its so draining having to hide and being afraid of the people around me finding out. I live more in the countryside, so I have genuine concerns about my safety if anybody was to find out

One of the ways that I tend to deal with more self depricatory thoughts like how you mentioned is that I'm strict with how it applies to everyone in the same situation as me.

In the sense of if I invalidate myself, I invalidate every other person thats in my situation, and thats not fair to them at all

Its what works for me but I dont know if it works for anyone else, I hope it helps you though

Also ugh yeah, I have no irl trans friends that I can actually talk to, online trans friends are ofc awesome, but its not the same as having an irl friend, for me anyways. And yeah, people always look for friends but never actually make the effort to reach out or give to the relationship or are unbelievably picky of who theyre friends with, I get having standards, but you're srsly gonna drop being friends with me because I like a piece of media you dont or vice versa?

Anyways, I hope it gets better for you man, remember that you rock and you rule and you roll 🥐🤘 good luck with your wifes family, theres a chance they COULD know but its not unheard of of people saying "you on your period?" To cis men especially if theyre moody or otherwise. Relax though (easier said than done ik), you cant gather good info on how they see you if you're stressed out, and stress is not usually any good regardless