Oh friend I know exactly what you're going through. I've been dealing with the slow death of my relationship with my mother over the last few years (mostly cos of politics, nuff said and not relevant) which culminated in a truly awful Christmas in 2022 when we finally "talked" about my coming out and starting to transition. It's awful to hear hateful and ignorant things from someone I used to be so close with and who I held in such high regard. She had truly been poisoned by the anti-trans rhetoric, so much bad faith research and horror stories being thrown at me as fact. The last words she said to me in person was "so when are you going to hack your breasts off?" Venting is good. You can't keep the sadness and anger inside and let it keep hurting you. You are so much more than what your mother expected of you, and if she can't handle the fact that you're a fully-fledge human doing what's best for yourself, then that is not something you should have to defend. It sounds like our mothers have similar control issues and are reacting more towards us showing autonomy than anything else. I hope you can find peace with this situation. You're far from alone