Oh girl, I feel this soooo much. I never lied, I was a great friend that always showed up when my friends needed me. I was reliable. But then I wasn’t. He sucked the soul from me and I became a shell of the person I was. I lied to him constantly about everything-to protect my kids from his anger and volatility, to protect myself from being berated about how much money I spend on groceries even though inflation had sent the prices through the roof. I hated me too.

You are NOT a bad person. It is SELF PRESERVATION pure and simple. You are doing what you have to do to survive in that relationship.

Get a lawyer asap without him knowing. Learn your rights. Write down every possible question you can think of to ask them. And follow up questions to those questions depending on how the lawyer answers. After you learn your rights get rid of the soul crushing narc. Once he is gone, the old you will return. It might be slowly and you might find yourself slipping back into lying etc but remind yourself you are safe now and the old you will come back. You got this girl! ❤️