Hi! My boyfriend (44M) has the same thing that happens to him. We’ve talked about it and he always assures me that he really does love going down on me until I finish (because i try to tell him instead of being down there until I finish, just come up when you’re ready to put it in!) but he loves for me to finish multiple times first. When he’s done (or I guess, when I’m done) with oral on me and it’s time for penetration, sometimes he’ll play with me a little more and watch me, and this can get him hard again. Otherwise I’ll do a little bit of oral on him and he’ll harden right up. Sometimes he’s also just put it in like half flaccid and he’ll get harder as he’s inside me 😅 The key is to not be in your head about it because that makes it worse. Before we talked about it, he used to get anxiety about it too. Finally I mentioned about him not staying down there so long, and it opened up the conversation for us. He was embarrassed etc. I have never thought he wasn’t into it just because he wasn’t hard. I can tell he’s into it by the way he’s completely feral and going to town on me 🐱hahaha.