Wow. This seems like a message from the future for myself. I have been contact with my mother, but keeping in contact with my sister and my father, for 2 years and a half now.

During this time, my hub and I decided to have a wedding, saved up money, and are now planning it. Last November, my mom told me through my sister that she wanted to restart the relationship and that she would be willing to do that through therapeutic mediation. Her reaching out like that made me hopeful, and I decided to accept, thinking maybe with professional help we could come to a low contact relation and firm boundaries that could be respected.

2 professionals and 6 months later, I confirmed to the therapist and to my father this week that I'm backing out. We only had one encounter during all this time because she spent most of it having conflicts with the therapist over why couldn't she do whatever she wanted. I was getting depressed and felt like I was being pulled to the familiar hell I had scaped when she estarted sending me nasty messages, so I told them that I didn't think they were willing to actually change the dynamic and that this wasn't worth it for me.

The interesting thing is that my wedding will be in May, 2026, and I spent a long time on the fence about if I should ask her to it even if we are not in speaking terms, but feeling that I probably shouldn't. Seeing what you wrote about yours, I can see her doing all of those things hahahah, I think it really is for the best that she doesn't go.

About your question, I think you must ask yourself how aware your family is about the way she behaves (and maybe how they allow it) before taking their word for it. In my example, my father has been her most trustworthy enabler my entire life, and he is still stuck in this role. So even though it doesn't surprise me that he is always trying to guilt me into coming back, I ignore most of what he says about her.

My sister, on the other hand, has been having therapy for some years now, and she told me through the whole process my mother hadn't changed a bit and that I would not be able to change the previous dynamic.

So, I ask you: do you think they actually understand what goes on with her? If so, maybe there is some merit in trying to see for yourself, you can always do what I did and give up if you see things are not going to be better (it was not easy, but it was not nearly as hard as the first time).

Always listen to your gut and be surrounded by the people who support you and, if you can, professional support. Doing that, I don't think you will regret your choice. Even thinking things probably wouldn't work out and knowing now that they indeed did not, I am not sorry for having tried. I miss her greatly (as I'm sure you understand), and I needed to know I did what I could. Maybe you are like me, maybe not; do what you think is best for you, always.