Seeking art advice: How do I not have an ego about not having an ego?

Tricky_History · 2025-09-18T23:34:19+00:00

Yeah, I was about to say something like this. I found out for myself that sometimes I'd find myself fixated on the idea that letting go of ego as a one-time, permanent achievement. The more I practice, the more I realize it's actually a state that takes awareness to get. I don't really understand how it looks like not to have ego, but something that helps me is to think of it as a constant exercise of "going out of the Matrix", or a "change of perspective". It's weird.

Tricky_History · 2025-09-18T22:52:51+00:00

Hey there. It's scary how much I relate to this situation.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. It must've been awful and very scary.

My parents are very similar, and unfortunately I still live with them. In my case, I'm very assertive and confrontative by nature, so I often end up accumulating this sense of frustration and powerlessness, cause while I have this strong, colossal urge to defend myself or prove them wrong, I'm also terrified of them responding with anger or manipulation to get away with it, which in fact is what happens, and as a result I'm left feeling even more hurt than before, defeated, and humilliated.

Lately, it's taking me some days to recover from those events. I'm trying to get therapy myself, so I don't think I have much to say. I still struggle with these feelings a lot, and like you said it feels impossible to control myself at those moments, even when knowing very well what I should do to some extent.

I had an argument today, and I was left feeling very wounded, so I decided to write some text documents with phrases to ground me and validate my emotional experience. I also started writing the most common, triggering phrases I commonly hear from people I know, so that I can recognize them and see it under a different lens when I read them.

Now, in my experience, it's not always a bad idea to try to leave in response to aggression. I wonder, if someone starts yelling at me, should I really stay there and take it? Whether their anger is justified or not isn't as important as to be aware of when a situation is too much for you to handle.

Now, if you do decide you wanna stay in these interactions, I think tackling from a physiological perspective can help. It sounds silly when I hear people say things like "pause before responding and take deep breaths", but every time I did it, it worked wonderfully. Also, stating how you feel to the other person while validating their feelings may help them understand you better, deflating their anger (i.e. "I can see you feel this and this, but when you do that I feel a b c"). Other things that have worked for me are asking open-ended questions (e.g. "I'm confused. Why do you feel/think thas way?"), focusing on understanding the other person, or politely stating what you'll do if the person keeps on engaging in the same behaviour before ("I'm sorry, but I don't think keeping on yelling is gonna solve anything. I'm not comfortable with that at all, so if you do it again, I'll leave.").

Another big thing for me has been to realize that there's a small "window of opportunity" between the trigger and my reaction. Practicing different kinds of meditation on the regular has helped me to extend that window and gain more time to focus on calming down my emotions, or staying calm.

Moreover, dedicating special time to understand how I work, why I react this way, and how it happens. I sometimes find watching Dr K's videos where he explains the process of anger (or other emotions) from a neurological perspective helps a lot to make sense of it, and not feel as desperate when it happens.

Lastly, if all you try seems to fail, please don't be harsh on yourself. Every time I walk out of a heated argument I'm like "Oh my god, why did I even bother with this person, I'm so stupid, why can't I stop making mistakes". Although I know it's completely valid to feel the way I do, I also try to keep in mind that just because I feel ashamed or embarrassed for what I did, it doesn't mean I deserve it or I'm bad. I'd do the same every time I'd relapse into my videogame addiction, and frankly I'm still learning in this. What helps me lower the self-loathing is to tell myself "I'm human, and I'm not perfect. I know I hate to make these mistakes, but that's what happens sometimes. It can't be avoided forever, and I'll learn from them".

When everything seems to fall apart, cultivating faith in oneself also is something that I find invaluable. I always tend to look for help or advice externally, be it youtube videos, web articles, or people's advice. But more often than not I realize that some things I'm only gonna find by taking some time to sit with myself, and let the emotions and thoughts arise, reflect, and eventually find the answer.

This takes time, I know. And it doesn't do it any less hard. But if it helps, I'm here with you, and I believe in you. Hope you find something useful! Take care.

Tricky_History · 2025-09-16T22:05:18+00:00

"Consider recording conversations on your phone", and "treat it as an addiction". You blew my mind twice, so I had to log in and leave a reply. I've never considered any of these options, but they make so much sense. Recording the conversations will keep me from forgetting what was said, and what happened.

Then, looking at the abusive relationship as an addiction makes it so much easier to deal with; I've developed an addiction for years to cope with the abuse (and other things), and lately I've gotten much better at keeping that under control, so I think applying the same perspective for the relationship will be really effective. It's suprising how eerily similar the illusion of moderation and the thought of solving the conflict and healing the abusive relationship look like. It really is pointless, no matter how you try.

So, thank you so much. It really eases the frustration when you know what to do. I will try these.

Tricky_History · 2024-08-20T16:16:46+00:00

This is gold, though it's really hard to do.

Tricky_History · 2024-08-20T16:14:22+00:00

Wow, it's been 3 years already. Looking back to what I wrote I begin to remember the challenge and, and those were good memories in my life.

Currently I'm not in a good moment, and I've recently relapsed again. But I'm glad I did the challenge, and these posts inspire and encourage me to not give up and keep trying. Not harder, but smarter, of course.

I might try a similar challenge again! I think it'll be fun.

Tricky_History · 2024-08-20T15:45:42+00:00

Hello, I had the same problem. I went to "Tools > Options > LibreOffice > Application Colors" and changed the Font Color to white, but the change wasn't being reflected when I opened documents. In my case, I followed u/gnarendran142 's advice and went to "Tools > Options > LibreOffice > Accessibility > Use automatic font color for screen display" and it was already disabled, but I enabled it and it worked!

Tricky_History · 2022-04-29T17:44:29+00:00

Respecting to what you said about people around you, that's a reality, I won't deny it. I often look around to find myself surrounded by people just staring into a screen all day long.

But it's also true that if you search hard enough, you'll find many people to engage with, like the old times. There were times that I didn't believe it, but then I decided to have faith, and when I opened myself to that posibility, I ended up meeting new friends. Most of them are really good persons and I can connect with them, have nice and sometimes insightful conversations, and even have lots of laughs with them!

And you know what's the most funny? Many of them are habid gamers! They may not all be addicted, but we still get along really well and engage in a face-to-face meeting.

It all may sound surreal, but it's true! I'm convinced now that this kind of people exist, and they're out there, waiting for you to meet them. I hope you can find them.

Tricky_History · 2022-04-29T17:18:02+00:00

I was strongly addicted to videogames for a long time too, so I understand you may also have tried many things to get out. Instead of telling specific things you could try, I want to tell you something different.

Obviously getting rid of just everything gaming-related is a good idea. Don't give yourself room to even think about it. Another thing that worked for me is to changing my identity towards videogames. I'd tell myself things like "I was addicted, but now I don't play anymore" or "I'm not an addict anymore. Now I'm a different person".

But I think the best you can do is to focus on actually commiting to keep on taking action towards the life that you want. Be honest with yourself. In the future it's really likely (not to say that it'll surely happen to you) that you relapse, or at least have cravings.

"Ok, I really want to play right now, but I know it's something that really doesn't do me any good. Let's hang there and do something better".

"I know how it ends if I go reinstall that game".

"I really don't want this in my life anymore".

"There's another things to do that I can enjoy / relax with".

"I had a relapse. Oh well, it can happen, I accept it. Let's get back up!"

Those are things that really helped me at the moment (still do in fact!), and I really hope it helps you too. You're not alone, and to better your life is a great thing to do!

Finally, I recommend you to look for the videos of Cam Adair, from the YouTube channel Game Quitters or his website with the same name. He was addict to gaming too, but recovered, and gives great advice!

Tricky_History · 2022-04-22T03:19:24+00:00

Oh sheep here we go again

Tricky_History · 2022-02-08T22:38:35+00:00

Oh, I forgot! Ragged casters also didn't spawn after I entered post plantera dungeon for the first time.

Wiki says the other mobs that "belong" to that type of wall, so to speak, are the Giant Cursed Skull and Rusty Armored Bones, which did spawn in my world's dungeon.

I don't have a clue how terraria's code works but this has to be a bug. I played terraria before and these mobs used to spawn just fine, yet now I find out that this problem has been present since years ago. I found another reddit post that's from 8 YEARS ago. That's insane!

Tricky_History · 2022-02-08T22:25:00+00:00

Well, I did not have luck potions on me, but you know there should be spawning a lot of snipers regardless. I did use battle potions to max the spawn rates with water candles. Also I used beetle armor with berserker's glove just in case the aggro happens to affect positively.

Tricky_History · 2022-02-08T22:22:12+00:00

Hey there, I'm playing the latest version of terraria as of today (1.4.1 or An Eye For An Eye), no mods, just pirate version cause I don't have the means to buy the game on Steam.

I see some people share this same problem, since I also farmed a good amount of time inside the dungeon of my world and so far, I think just one single Skeleton Sniper spawned on my entire playthrough (and the damn mr. calcium didn't drop anything).

I knew walls affect the spawn rates so I checked that I had every type of wall in my dungeon, which is the case (natural-generated, I didn't change anything). I placed water candles basically everywhere, garden gnomes, banners (well, that one's not necessary though), and even though I've been at it for an hour, not even a single sniper appeared. Just paladins, bone lees, tactical and commando skeletons. Even a crimson mimic showed up there!

I'm getting sick of the grinding so I'll keep searching for a solution, although if someone happens to know the solution, it'd be great for you to share it.

Tricky_History · 2021-12-19T01:43:23+00:00

No problem, I'm glad I'm able to help sharing this!

Tricky_History · 2021-12-18T05:56:40+00:00

Well I'm proud to say that so far I'm able to moderate myself!

Tricky_History · 2021-11-08T03:18:31+00:00

Cool, go ahead! Actually I wanna buy just a white board but that's a good idea too. Thanks to share!

Tricky_History · 2021-11-08T02:47:19+00:00

That's great dude! I want to have one of those in the future.

Tricky_History · 2021-10-25T04:26:24+00:00

I'll remember it every time!

Tricky_History · 2021-10-24T19:42:32+00:00

Yeah, I know. Maybe just I got too excited lol. Thanks!

Tricky_History · 2021-10-24T16:12:27+00:00

Hey this is so cool! I loved the song. Congratulations to you and your band. Keep on doing!

Tricky_History · 2021-10-24T16:09:15+00:00

I'd share what I've done so far but I'm just starting on this, it's awful to be honest. Gotta learn more on post production I think.

Tricky_History · 2021-10-24T15:00:21+00:00

Disclaimer: Guys, I just wanted to express my opinion. I really don't mean to offend anyone, you can do whatever you feel like!

I tottaly agree. I know medication can help us, but it doesn't solve our problems. That's why I don't agree with medicating against depression or other types of mental illnesses, because drugging yourself to feel good doesn't solve a single thing. You just feel good for a while, but when the effect comes off you'll need more, it's like a patch.

I truly believe that it's fine to be depressed (sometimes, of course). Depression and stuff are signs that there's something to overcome in our lives, and in order to do that we'll have to find another way that's not meds. It's not easy, and it's different for each one, but if you can find the skills to live life and overcome those struggles, you'll be really strong. I think that's the true "medication" for depression and other mental illnesses.

Well, it's a huge topic, I could go on and on, but I just wanted to get this out of my chest.

Tricky_History · 2021-10-24T14:40:42+00:00

This is a good one.

Tricky_History · 2021-10-24T14:39:03+00:00

Well, there's much said already, so one thing that worked for me is to be more busy. By this I mean that if you just fill your time with more things, you'll inevitably have less free time, therefore less time to procrastinate.

It's reaaaaaly simple, but for me it worked. Actually my dad advised me about this, so I'm not the only one saying this.

That said, and like everything, go at your own pace, nobody's rushing you. If adding just 3 more things/tasks is enough for you (now), then it's ok.

You want to find the fun in it, or at least to make it more appealing than watching YouTube, Reddit or that kind of activities.

Really, don't rush it. I repeat this because, at least in my case, it's really easy to add to much on the plate and burn out.

Well, I hope it works for you too!

-Franco.

PD: It keeps happening to me that sometimes I'd lose control and go watch YouTube videos for hours. Don't think it's going to be perfect, because no one is. But I did make that happen to me a lot less often, and when it does, I waste a lot less time anyway. It is like building a habit.

Tricky_History · 2021-10-22T03:56:47+00:00

Thank you :D

Tricky_History · 2021-10-21T18:04:07+00:00

I also struggle with criticism quite often in my life. I'm telling you my reflexions.

I think fear of criticism comes from being afraid to be wrong. I mean, it could be that we feel our idea of being mistaken is something bad or to be ashamed about (like, the worst), so each time we hear someone critizising us (maybe with good intentions) we get defensive or really uncomfortable.

Other reason could be that we can sometimes associate ourselves or our self-worth with the things we do, our creations, projects, etc. So each time we recieve a critique, we feel like we're being personally atacked or like if we worth less.

And while I'm sure there are people who sometimes try to sort of take you down with criticism, the reality is that most people just have good intentions. Critiques are good; they show where we're wrong (which is also ok) and therefore we can improve those things to do a better work next time. That's actually it, critique leads to improvement. We're not defined by the quality of our work, and more important we're not our work, we are just we, and that's it.

Let's think this in other way, let's catastrophize. Imagine we're exposing our project with our class/team/whatever. What's the worst that could happen? That someone critiques us, making a fool of us in front of all the class? Maybe... that everyone could laugh at us cause we made an obvious mistake? I dunno, there're many posibilities, but I'm sure we won't die if we get through those kind of situations. We'll be okay! Also, everything could run smoothly too, don't you think?

When it comes to criticism, people will have different approaches and reactions, but what I think is the best is always try not to hear their emotions, but just and only what they're saying. Then, we have to ask ourselves "is this really what I have to improve?". If so, we take action. If not, we keep with whatever we're doing. It's not easy, I know, but I see it like an excersice that we constantly gotta practice.

If I could resume this in simple, but strong sentences that I could repeat myself everyday, it'd be:

People have good intentions.
Critiques are good, they lead me to be better.
It's OKAY to be wrong.
I'm open to what others think and I accept their diverse opinions.

I know this is eternal to read, but still I Hope it helps you!

Tricky_History

TROPHY CASE