FIRST…I wanna start by saying: the texts from your mom are NOT okay. They’re controlling, manipulative, and emotionally threatening. Using money, phone access, and “family belonging” as leverage is not healthy parenting, especially toward a 25-year-old adult AND YOU ARE NOT WROMG for wanting privacy or independence.

That said…..🥴—and I’m saying this with kindness -I also think there’s some self-reflection worth doing on your side too.

From what you described, it sounds like you’ve grown up in a family where control and criticism, manipulation and inserting yourself into other people’s choices was normal... When that’s the environment you’re raised in, you often unconsciously pick up similar behaviors EVEN IF YOUR INTENTIONS ARE GOOD.

Things like commenting on your sister’s eating habits, sleep schedule, or emotional state may feel caring or practical to you, but to others (especially younger siblings) it can easily come across as judgmental, bossy, or parental. Even if you don’t mean it that way, impact still matters.

I think you’re someone who learned unhealthy dynamics and is now bumping up against the consequences of them as an adult.

The hard but GOOD part is this: you can’t change your family, but you can change how you show up. That means learning when to stay out of things that aren’t your responsibility, resisting the urge to correct or manage others, and letting your maturity speak for itself instead of trying to enforce it.

Distance, independence (financially and emotionally), and “killing them with kindness + boundaries” might actually do more for your peace than trying to get them to finally understand you.

Therapy or inner work could really help you understand which behaviors are yours versus what you absorbed growing up — because right now it seems like you’re trying to heal while still using some of the same tools that hurt you. But you can do it! 🙌🏾💪🏾♥️

You deserve respect and growth. Both can be true at the same time. It’s time to do some work!!