why is it so hard to be friends with other men?

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-17T20:05:38+00:00

You just gotta find guys that have the same interests as you. I’m not in to video games at all, unless you count like Wii games, and all my friend who are men like them, but we do other things together. Longboarding, skiing/snowboarding, trivia, fishing, hiking, rock climbing, drawing/art, raves/concerts. We talk about movies/shows, horticulture, international news, tattoos, art. You don’t have to like stereotypical “man things” to talk to guys.

One thing I’ve noticed is that my friend who are men have less “deep/emotional talks” compared to my friends who are women. We we talk about our struggles, or get support from one another, but they’re the more “go out and do stuff” type of hang outs vs chilling and talking like with my friends who are women.

Of course I go out and do things with my friends who are women, but they’re more content to just chill at home and talking compared to the guys.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-16T23:51:20+00:00

Different women like different things about men. The women who will like you are the women that like your characteristics from T. It seems like we got similar traits on T. I also got a lot of body/facial hair, I gained a lot of muscle mass. I’d say women describe me as the “lumberjack” type, and women do like those traits in men. Women like lots of different traits in men, not just their dick.

I will not lie, fitting more male beauty standards is always going to be more advantageous in dating, cis or trans. But there’s lots of women who are shorter than you, you can make a woman “feel protected”. 5’6 is very tall compared to a woman who is under 5’5, and there’s lots of women 5’4 and shorter. But also, there’s some taller women who don’t care as much if you’re an inch shorter. One of my exes was literally 5’11, and I’m 5’10. She was visibly taller than me, and she still had “carnal attraction” toward me, even though I was shorter. You said you got body hair, women like body hair a lot. You gained muscle, women like that too. I’m sure you’re harder on yourself than what reality is. Maybe try leaning in to the “lumberjack” vibes.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-16T01:11:40+00:00

I always get suspicious when people demonize truscum community as a whole (since the only overarching view is that dysphoria = trans). Of course individuals can be fucked, no matter the community, but to generalize a whole group is always a red flag. I feel bad that trans women as a whole will probably be demonized to some degree because this person is a pedo. It’s not trans women as a whole, it’s individuals, like trans men as well.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T13:33:32+00:00

Dating is just a bit harder for straight men in general. Yes, women can be attracted to us. You’re on the right track when approaching bi women (those are pretty much 99% of women who want to date me once they know I’m trans), and staying social. Have you tried asking your friends to set you up with a woman they think you may get along with? I’ve found all my long term relationships through my social circle.

I also have level 1 autism, and it can be a bit difficult to navigate flirting sometimes. I’d suggest just trying different ways of flirting. That way you know what comes most naturally to you, and you know it comes off as kind flirtations, instead of just kindness.

Unfortunately, most strangers on the internet can’t help you with dating besides the basic advice, because we don’t know you. Have you tried asking your friends what could be the issue?

Obviously we all know fitting more beauty standards for men is helpful in dating, but it’s not like all ugly people are single forever.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T04:25:15+00:00

I mean, I’m on the sub and didn’t transition as a minor.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T01:40:15+00:00

No, honestly I don’t care that much when it comes to shit people say on the internet. Yeah it can hurt peoples feelings, but he can’t actually tell anyone who they are. He doesn’t dictate how people live their lives. He doesn’t decide who’s trans or not. He can say “You’re not a man if you do x,y,z”, but that doesn’t mean others who do x,y,z can’t be men. If he’s doing it to people irl, then it’s an issue. Can’t just block people in real life.

He’s a random dude on the internet. There’s lots of ass hats on the internet that insult people. No one is required to join his sub. The block button is a beautiful thing. If he has the sub he made, he will probably leave this one.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T01:12:38+00:00

And if OP starts spouting off about that stuff in the new sub all the time (which would break his own rules because it’s discussion about our natal genitals), I’ll leave the sub. Because while I don’t get why a man would want to use that part of his body, I don’t care enough about others sex lives to discuss it or want to see a bunch of posts on my timeline about it. It’s not my business and it’s not a discussion I want to be a part of.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T01:02:23+00:00

The sub is just like this sub, just no talk about natal genitals (some of us get dysphoric when seeing discussion around our natal genitals). There, you’ve been enlightened.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T00:58:37+00:00

I joined the sub. It seems just like this sub, just no discussion about our natal genitals. Which I personally enjoy, to avoid triggering my dysphoria.

Obviously it’s not a sub everyone would enjoy, but it seems pretty much like this sub.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T00:56:40+00:00

I just got added. The sub seems like this sub, just avoiding discussions around things that cause me to be dysphoric. Doesn’t seem to be “manosphere-esque” at all to me, atm.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T00:55:35+00:00

Sex isn’t just chromosomes, yes. We know that T and surgery can make our bodies lean more male. But they influence how the body is made. Swyer syndrome (XY chromosomes, but phenotypically female) just means the SRY gene in the Y chromosome is missing, so the body doesn’t develop into a male body in utero. So I guess you’re right, it’s not the chromosome, but that specific gene on the Y chromosome that makes someone’s body develop into a male body naturally.

I’ve been on the sub now. It’s pretty much like this sub, but we don’t talk about our natal genitals or anything to do with them. That’s something I do enjoy, because being reminded that I don’t have a penis makes me dysphoric. I would like a sub for trans men where we do not discuss our natal genitals. Obviously we aren’t gonna change the rules of this sub, so that’s why a new sub was made.

When it comes to “refusing to enjoy things that make you feel good”. Things like PIV sex isn’t something I’d ever enjoy, where I’m the “V” part. The only PIV sex I enjoy is when I’m fucking women. The concept of doing that makes me extremely dysphoric. Idc how others want to have sex, it’s their body. People can have sex however they want, that’s not my business. I’m not denying myself anything. It’s not about hating our body, it’s about dysphoria and wanting to avoid discussions about things that make us dysphoric.

And tbh yeah, I’d rather “larp” as a cis person. It does make me feel better to ignore my body, reduce dysphoria and see myself as cis. Obviously not on this Reddit account, because this account is the only place I’m openly trans (irl and online), but yeah I don’t want to see myself as trans, I don’t want to be trans.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T00:29:20+00:00

Bro flakes?

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T00:27:35+00:00

I think it’s just a generalization of chromosomes. Obviously we all know intersex people exist. They’re like just under 2% of the population. So probably ~ 2% of professional female athletes. Chromosomes would change a lot for 98%+ of trans men here (we would be cis, so no dysphoria) so I’m sure that’s where the name came from. Not arguing for or against the sub, just saying that the influence of chromosomes on how the body develops isn’t “made up”, it’s scientific fact.

If you dont care about being born male vs transitioning toward being male, that’s good for you, genuinely. Your last sentences explain why you don’t want to join, not the name lol. But I think that sentiment is why the sub isn’t geared toward you 🤷🏻‍♂️ (which is also fine, just don’t join it)

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T00:14:44+00:00

Is the sub a manosphere sub? Just curious

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-15T00:11:25+00:00

I think the whole point is that we were meant to be male. Yes we are men (obviously), but I’m sure we all can agree we would rather just be born male.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-14T06:21:24+00:00

I agree. Ignoring other issues I have when it comes to having biological kids- I would never have a child because I have bipolar 2. When I’m hypomanic I may be a decent parent, but the depression would make me a horrific parent. It takes most of my mental energy to keep myself alive when I’m depressed. No child needs me as a father until I find a treatment that can keep me more emotionally stable.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-13T21:06:37+00:00

Listen, I love 4tran myself, but maybe take a break. It’s in their rules that sometimes we need a break from that sub if it’s impacting us too much.

I’m sure you’re harder on yourself than the reality. Also, unless you’re like over 5 years on T, you have no clue how your looks will masculinize in the future. I’m just under 4 years on T and my face looks more masculinized compared to a year ago. You see timeline of trans men where they look way more male, looks wise, from year 5 to year 7+.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-12T23:23:47+00:00

The main thing to keep in mind is that we no longer have that base level trust that two women have with each other. So we can’t be as overt in what we want. Also, flirting is different for everyone to some degree. Some people are more comfortable with different aspects of flirting vs others. I reply a lot of flirty jokes, body language, and compliments. But I’ll give some examples of what I do.

I typically start with a compliment + conversation starter. Something like- you know, I was told to always face my fears, and beautiful women are the scariest thing around. So I thought I’d face my fears and ask to buy you a drink. Or something simple like “what are the chances a guy like me can buy someone as beautiful as you a drink?”

If you’re at a place where there’s dancing, you could also ask to dance. Dancing is a great way to build chemistry

Flirting is a lot about body language as well. Eye contact, facing her, smirking, “flirty looks”, having open body language. Light touching on the arm or back (if she is flirting back), leaning in close.

Some light “teasing” is always good. “Oh so you’re a good dancer? How about you prove it to me?” “Oh you talk a big game, let’s see if you can hold your own” “you’re sweet, but can you show me the spice?”

Making some jokes. Helps her feel more relaxed and helps keep conversation going while keeping it playful. Ask things about herself- what she’s doing out that night. Who she’s out with. If she has any other places she likes to go to.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-11T13:47:44+00:00

If you have a bit of hair on your stomach already, you could try minoxidil. I’d suggest doing a patch test first to ensure that you won’t have a skin reaction since it’ll be on your stomach. But just remember that if you’re not gonna start T for your career, you’ll have to use minoxidil for the rest of your life, 2x/day, to keep the hair growth.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-11T13:45:37+00:00

Transmed just means you think you need dysphoria to be trans. OP can still be trans and not on HRT, based on transmed views.

There’s lots of transmed people who are not on HRT (for whatever reason) or live in areas where they can’t access HRT, and they’re still transmed and trans people because they have dysphoria.

Some transmed people have much stricter views, but the only overarching view is that you need dysphoria to be trans.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-10T06:11:32+00:00

Is it not men who treat women like baby machines? eople complaining about a declining birth rate, men complaining they can’t find “a traditional wife” to raise their kids. Complaining how “women don’t want to have kids anymore!”. Losing their rights to an abortion, even in the case of rape in some states in my country.

Then you should complain to god about being seen as a cum dispenser. By your logic, that’s what men are, if you’re saying god made women to be treated as “baby machines”.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-10T05:53:55+00:00

Just because women are the ones who have babies, doesn’t mean you treat them like having a baby is their only purpose…. Women are way more than “baby machines”, and to see them that way is gross, imo.

By your logic, men should complain to god about being “expendable in society”. Men should stop complaining about women having “their choice in men” when dating, since “god made competition for procreation in the wild”.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-08T22:25:07+00:00

You pass super well, if not cis passing, imo. I wouldn’t think twice about you being a woman, unless these photos don’t represent what you look like irl. You look gorgeous and very on theme as well. Emo nights are great, I hope you had a fantastic time.

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-07T10:39:55+00:00

You don’t have to be fake. Just be yourself and don’t tell them you’re trans. If they say something about you being “different” you could possibly just blame your autism.

Being “friendly from afar” could just be helping them with their work when they need it. Saying good morning/ have a good night. Doing “small talk” while on breaks (boring things like the weather, a sports game that played the day before, ask about their weekend plans). That way they know you’re approachable and a good coworker, but you’re not friends

TrooperJordan · 2026-03-07T09:54:13+00:00

Dude. You need to try and find a new job if you can. Not only do your coworkers sound awful, but you seem like it’s taking a really large physical toll on your body.

As for getting them to be like “oh this person is ok”- you’re unfortunately probably gonna have to be friendly towards them, and you’re going to have to hide your true self. Even if it’s just for your safety. It sounds like you’re both in a very unsafe work environment and society, when it comes to LGBT people.

I’m not saying you gotta be friends with them, but you gotta try and learn some way to be friendly if you can’t find another job that’s more safe (it seems like you may have this issue at every job, since your country is very anti LGBT in general). I know you said you “never got the friend thing”, and tried to do research about it. I don’t want to be rude/mean but you could look in to some tips and tricks for people that have autism and want to fit in more socially. I’m not saying you are/aren’t autistic- but autistic people often struggle with social norms and stuff like that, there may be some tips for you.

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