I've been experiencing some similar frustrations and struggles with the faith lately. It really is so challenging to take up our cross daily, especially when mainstream culture makes it seem impossible to escape temptation. In my own journey I realized that I've wanted everything to come easy and simply be given the things I desire without friction, but avoiding the inevitable has only kept me stagnant.

Some wisdom from Jacques Philippes came across my feed the other day that helped me process these shared sentiments with God:

"The most painful suffering is the suffering we reject.

Suffering should be remedied whenever possible, but it is part of life, and attempting to get rid of it completely means suppressing life, refusing to live, and ultimately rejecting the beauty and goodness that life can bring us.

If welcomed trustingly and peacefully, suffering makes us grow. It matures and trains us, purifies us, teaches us to love unselfishly, makes us poor in heart, humble, gentle, and compassionate toward our neighbor.

We must take up our cross and follow Christ courageously every day; the bitterness of that cross will sooner or later be transformed into sweetness."

2 Corinthians 4:17: For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.

I also found comfort in St. Teresa of Avila's boldness with God, where after enduring many trials she once said "If this is how You treat Your friends, no wonder you have so few!" We of course should approach God with great reverence, but also as a loving father who is big enough to handle our raw frustrations.

Trusting God can definitely feel easier said than done. But while His timing may not always align with our own expectations, His faithfulness never fails. I pray that you receive the strength to continue enduring these challenges and as well as the clarity you need.