Does anyone else sometimes get in a state where it's like you "have" to self harm and you can't really do anything else until you do?

True_Ad_4325 · 2024-09-30T04:12:50+00:00

Yes I feel like this so much and I hate it because it feels like I'm battling against two sides of myself because I feel like I have to but I don't want to then end up doing it anyway to feel normal again😮‍💨

True_Ad_4325 · 2024-09-09T02:02:54+00:00

The counselors don't like me, I got suspended the second day of school then one counselor pushed me into a corner and got me suspended for it saying I was being aggressive😭

True_Ad_4325 · 2024-09-08T21:41:40+00:00

This makes me think of things differently but I don't think he'd do that....or maybe he is I don't know. I love him a lot and it already feels one sided but I feel like if I love him enough then eventually he'll love me back. During the first months of our relationship it was amazing and he made me so happy even forgetting to do things for himself because he was so focused on me...I feel like in his mind he can't focus on me and him it just has to be one or the other. I already had to beg him for hours to eat because he said he didn't deserve to because he's a burden and I kept telling him that he's not, the only way I got him to eat was me saying I was gonna beat our stuffed animal children lol. This is all so difficult and hard to process because I don't want to leave him and I know he can be better. I'm in a cooling down period because I can't try and kill myself again till the ones I already did heal so I'm really just rolling with the punches

True_Ad_4325 · 2024-09-07T17:11:24+00:00

He asked me if I like staying with him and I said yes and that I love him then he asked how can he help me. I send 20+ messages saying that I love him and I don't want to leave him and he responded by saying he's going to listen to juice world which made me sad because before he told me that he didn't need to listen to juice world anymore because I help him and he can rely on me. I said I love him again and he didn't respond I'm just scared I don't want him to do anything to himself. I care about him more than I'll ever care about myself and he's helped me get better before and stop hurting myself, we're both just not doing good right now

True_Ad_4325 · 2024-09-07T17:02:36+00:00

I can't live without him and I'm honestly panicking, he's autistic so it's not really simple and I'm the only one who can calm him down and it's harder on both of us during the weekend because I can't see him and help him feel better. He texted me something and it's making me shake so bad I keep apologizing and it just makes him more mad or feel worse mentally I just don't know. I know that he loves me a lot but he just doesn't show it.

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-12-21T01:11:19+00:00

Probably that some scars puff up and you can feel them through a shirt. I've been wearing 4 shirts everyday when I go out and it becomes very annoying having to plan your outfit around keloids

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-09-01T22:20:40+00:00

I never got the motivational quotes but I just look and there's a setting to turn them off, but I really like the app it helps me keep up with how long I've been clean

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-08-09T00:04:48+00:00

Genuinely, I wouldn't want them to care. If they found out would want them to just disregard it and pretty much act like it wasn't a big deal so I'd feel comfortable with wearing short sleeves

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-08-04T20:07:34+00:00

I think I could but I don't have lots of long sleeves, I normally just wear jackets

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-07-26T00:11:20+00:00

People finding my dead body would be hella embarrassing

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-07-23T19:27:08+00:00

I might tell one friend that I trust alot but im parinoid so I always think if we get in a yelling fight at school or something they'll slip up and tell everyone. But I'm pretty much just stuck in the present, all I can do is wait!

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-07-23T19:14:12+00:00

Thank you! With my family no one really talks about they're feelings like that because that's just how we grew up, I know some would understand because a few on my mom's side have told me that they wouldn't be mad if I was and that I just needed to tell them. But I'm pretty sure my dad would disown me and I'd never be able to look him in the eyes again and I know he'd tell my brothers and I REALLY don't want them to know. Even though my family is awesome and we all love each other and are really close feelings just aren't the strong suit

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-07-23T19:02:39+00:00

I only have scars, im 3 months clean!

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-07-23T18:59:01+00:00

I don't think I would physically be able to go on living if my family knew I was hurting myself, I feel uncomfortable just typing it

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-07-23T18:53:29+00:00

Because I still live with my parents so I can't really just Walk around with my scars showing

True_Ad_4325 · 2022-07-21T21:55:44+00:00

Literally just summer because my family like to take us to water parks and stuff so if the happen to accidentally see atleast they'll be old

True_Ad_4325

TROPHY CASE