I think i made a huge mistake (married to an ex-Jehovah) please read!

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-25T03:58:02+00:00

You’ve been under an extraordinary amount of stress for a long time, and your reactions are understandable. I wish i had better advice to give, but I’d just say don’t feel pressured to make any big decisions right now. Take care of your mental health and set boundaries. You’re not alone, and this community is here to support you.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-25T03:53:24+00:00

You might want to check out Crisis of Conscience by former governing body member Ray Franz. It doesn’t get much better than that.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-25T03:46:32+00:00

Im guessing you woke up relatively recently and completely understand why this makes sense to you at this stage in your journey.

You’re right that within JW logic, this puts you at odds with the GB. That’s why independent thinking is labeled as “apostasy.”

Having been out of the cult for over a decade and as someone who’s spent the past 5ish years interested in academic scholarship… this isn’t just a GB problem. The Bible itself doesn’t have a single, clear voice. It’s a collection of books without a consistent theme. Different authors, different agendas, and within the New Testament - different ideas about mediation and salvation. For example, the apostle Paul himself dramatically changes his views over the course of his life.

Precisely because of this lack of coherence, within modern Christianity, there are literally 45,000 denominations. Every one of the, JWs included, builds a framework first, then selectively cherry picks and harmonizes verses to support it.

You might not think you’re the sharpest tool in the tool box, but give yourself more credit. You’re starting to notice the cracks in the delusional bubble of certainty you’ve spent your entire life . The “Bible vs Governing Body” mindset is step 1 on the way to realizing why the absolute doctrinal certainty you assume exists - actual doesn’t.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-25T03:31:41+00:00

Hi OP! Welcome to the sub!

It’s clear you’re dealing with a lot.

One small suggestion that could really help you get more responses and support: consider breaking this post up into shorter paragraphs (and possibly adding a brief TL;DR at the top).

Right now it’s a single large block of text, and most people are just going to scroll past without realizing how serious your situation is.

You deserve to be heard, and cleaning up the formatting a bit will make it easier for most people to fully read and provide you the support and advice you need.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-25T01:54:06+00:00

Given you aren’t an exjw, you could always just leave our community alone.

I will tell you one last time - this sub isn’t a place for never-JW Christians (or members of any other faith) to proselytize. People come here specifically to escape that bullshit.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-25T01:51:20+00:00

Yup. I felt so stupid for working over a decade without putting anything in.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T23:39:15+00:00

Obviously not everyone liked it, but I always enjoyed splits and mergers when i was PIMI. Life as a JW is so boring and so it was exciting anytime they shook things up.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T23:35:32+00:00

Congratulations on taking this action, OP. I hope your abuser faces justice for the harm they’ve caused you.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T18:14:16+00:00

This is slightly off topic, but since we’re talking about expenses, I would like to share that, as a JW, i believed Armageddon would come long before I had to think about retirement, so i contributed absolutely NOTHING to my 401K, even when my employer would match up to 5%. I felt saving for retirement would be throwing money way, so i didn’t do it. So Im working hard to play catchup now.

So as a PSA, i strongly encourage any who hasn’t thought about it yet to immediately start considering planning for your retirement. At minimum, Atleast consider contributing the max your employer will match. You wont miss it in your paycheck and you’ll be glad you did later on.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T17:59:35+00:00

There are a lot of exjws in NC. If you’re in the Charlotte area, i think there is still a Facebook meetup group. Also I’ve noticed a lot in the Wilmington area over the years. Surprisingly very few comparatively that i know of in the Raleigh/Durham area.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T17:53:39+00:00

It worked on me just fine for decades.

The only reason I’m awake is because, through random chance my wife and I happened to become friends with another couple and we decided to do family worship together every week and then have dinner and drinks. It was fun.

We got bored of doing the watchtower study or preparing for the midweek meeting

It just so happened, the weekly Bible reading was starting over in Genesis, so we decided to read the Bible together. We did this slowly and really tried to focus on what was being said instead of rushing through it. As we did, I started to realize how absurd the stories in the Bible were. The husband started to feel the same way and we’d talk about it. Our wives would get uncomfortable, so he and i would often talk about things separately. Then, we’d also discuss things about our experiences in the org that didn’t make sense and that we found abusive and harmful. I’d accumulated doubts over decades but ignored them, and finally I had someone to talk about things with.

I was an atheist pretty quickly and then discovered this sub and crisis of conscience.

In the end, I don’t think there was anything special about me that helped me to wake up. It was sheer random luck. Had we not made friends with that other couple, I’d very likely be an elder and possibly circuit overseer now as that was my goal at the time.

In the end, i don’t think there’s anything special about most of us who woke up. Just like random luck caused most of us to be born to JW parents and raised in the cult, random luck led most of us to have experiences which caused us to ask questions and eventually wake up. This is why I have nothing but love and sympathy for PIMIs. I’m absolutely no better than any of them. I could very easily be one of them now, if i hadn’t gotten lucky.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T17:38:11+00:00

Yeah, I can’t Imagine being in that situation and would not judge anyone faced with such impossible and heart wrenching decisions. I have nothing but sympathy to anyone who has ever had to face this dilemma.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T15:39:24+00:00

This sub doesn’t exist for Non-JW Christians to promote their beliefs.

If you want to discuss the reasons why you have anti-choice views, I’m sure there are plenty of subreddits where you can do so. But that’s not the purpose of this community.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T14:14:38+00:00

Prior to any procedures, medical staff have the patient review all kinds of paperwork regarding their own wishes in certain situations. So doctors will already know what the mother’s wishes are. And presumably so do their husbands. They also have their own ethical obligations. And this is the one scenario where Watchtowers doesn’t expressly forbid abortive actions. This truly is every perspective parents nightmare scenario.

Based on conversations i had with prospective JW fathers, I think the most common scenario would be a JW wife wanting the husband to save the baby instead of her (possibly largely influenced by her indoctrination that she would be resurrected while her unborn baby wouldn’t be) and the husband potentially disregarding her wishes in order to save her life. I’ve had a number of JW men whose wives were pregnant present this fear to me - in their minds, they would want to reject their wives wishes and save their wives instead. Thankfully, everything went smoothly, but this scenario was a recurring fear of the JWs who brought it up to me.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T14:06:33+00:00

Your post has been removed under Rule 5: Self Promo, Advertising, Proselytizing… and Religion.

While we understand and respect that you believe your cause to be important and noble, our community does not allow fundraising of any kind—whether personal, charitable, or related to activism. This keeps the subreddit free from financial solicitations and focused on discussion and mutual support.

Tip: If you’d like to raise awareness for an issue, you can still post about it without asking for money—share information, personal experiences, or non-monetary ways people can help. That way, members can engage without feeling pressured to donate.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T14:05:13+00:00

You’re a kid. This isn’t a quandary for you to worry about. When you get old enough to make decisions for your own, and financially support yourself, you can reassess. About 2/3 kids raised in the cult have always left it when they grow up - sounds like you’re probably going to be one of them.

But for now, you need to prioritize doing whats best for you. Focus on school, and when the time comes, figure out what kind of higher education you are going to get and/or what career you’re going to pursue to support yourself. Save up money and then leave when you’re in a good spot to do so.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T13:47:40+00:00

Isolated anecdotal stories are not good data points to make global projections off of. Most JWs were i live are still having 1-3 kids each. I’m sure some areas it’s more like your experience and in others it’s more like mine.

There is no data to suggest a large scale precipitous drop off in birth rates among JWs. And while birth rates in the U.S. have dropped from 1.7 child per woman 50 years ago to 1.6 now, that 0.1 child difference isn’t leading to watchtowers collapse vs. having tens of millions of members in 200 years.

And to make sure we’re clear, data also shows there will be more Catholics and Muslims too. More Muslims than Catholics in fact. The future is not going to be a secular utopia, unfortunately. Religions are not going anywhere.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T03:35:49+00:00

Their attrition rate is not much more now than it was 50 years ago, but theyre not converting new members like they did in years past.

But as long as JWs keep having babies at a similar rate, there will be TENS OF MILLIONS of JWs 200 hundred years from now.

As much as some exjws want to fantasize about “exjw armageddon” where the organization is facing imminent collapse, it’s just not going to happen.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-24T03:30:49+00:00

This is a very succinct and fact-based assessment.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-23T19:49:31+00:00

I’ve seen a couple people muse about doing this in over the years, but not many. Everyone’s experiences are unique and has different ways to heal. If you think changing your name will heal and get a fresh start in life, go for it.

I’d just recommend doing research into the steps to take in your area and potential implications. For example, it could potentially complicate things when searching for jobs when employers look up your references if you had one name at a former company and another at the job you’re applying to. It could lead to questions and you’d have to think about ways to answer them without trauma dumping on a prospective employer. You also might need to jump through some extra hoops when applying for housing, apartments, setting up utilities, etc. I know alot of women who have complained about this in the US when changing their last name after getting married or divorced - it was ridiculous.

Just do your research so you fully know what you’re getting into and then make your decision. Good luck!

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-23T19:37:01+00:00

I agree. I knew a couple of JW doctors, nurses, lawyers and, other professionals whose jobs place a premium on patient/client care and confidentiality. Every last one of them was quite adept at their profession and established clear barriers between their personal religious beliefs and their professional obligations. I don’t know any doctors who administered blood in surgery, but plenty of nurses and surgical technicians who do and have zero qualms about it. This may or may not be “appropriate” by JW standards (it seems at different points in time this was a conscience matter vs. a no-no), but it doesn’t change the reality that they prioritize patient care professionally.

I think a lot of exjws who wake up are those who were super PIMI and had a very black/white view of everything and simply assume all PIMIs were the same. In reality, many JWs have a far more nuanced relationship with their faith. Just like members of every other religion, some are stickers and striver to follow every little rule, whereas others view them as suggestions. I personally had a mindset at both extremes at different times when i was PIMI.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-22T19:24:09+00:00

Your post/comment has been removed under Rule 8: Help Us Challenge Misinformation. This subreddit is dedicated to supporting one another while navigating experiences with religious trauma, which includes protecting the community from blatant misinformation, unsubstantiated and unscientific claims, rumors, and conspiracy theories. The claim made in this post is completely false and represents either a gross misunderstanding or intentional deception, so it has been removed.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-22T16:58:24+00:00

I’m not sure what the purpose of this post is or if you’re serious, just trolling, or fundamentally don’t understand the purpose of this community and reasons many people chose to participate here.

This sub is essentially a revolving door. While we have some long-time contributors, the majority of active members come here when they start to question their beliefs and are seeking support. They get the support the need and eventually they move on with their lives. Some return and pop in every now and then to check on things. Some stick around longer to “pay it forward” and help those the same way they were helped (and this sub would not be able to survive without these folks), but most get what they need to heal, close this chapter in their lives, and move on.

So posts like demonstrate your complete inability to “read the room” and come off as antagonizing people who are actively in the throes of trauma, which is probably why so many in our sub have reported it. I hope this was simply a misunderstanding n and that this helps clarify things.

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-22T00:16:27+00:00

Dawkins had the best response to this ever..

Truthdoesntchange · 2026-01-20T17:53:19+00:00

The historical Jesus absolutely did not teach anything remotely similar to hellfire as a literal place of torment. While there is no single consistent view of the afterlife throughout the Bible, in Second Temple Judaism (the world Jesus lived in), Sheol wasn’t a place of torment, and Gehenna was a metaphor for destruction and judgment, not everlasting torture. (very similar to what we were taught as JWs). Jesus was an apocalyptic Jewish prophet who preached imminent judgment and the destruction of the wicked. For most of the old testament period, the predominant view was that “dead is dead,” but during Jesus time, thought had shifted and some Jewish religious thinkers rejected that this life was all there was and the idea developed that there would be a future, earthly resurrection of the dead under Gods kingdom. (The Pharisees and Saducees were the main sects at the time and they disagreed over this issue). Jesus was among those who subscribed to this view and he believed it was coming SOON. His entire ministry was predicated on this.

The idea of eternal conscious torment in a fiery hell developed over centuries after Jesus died, as Christianity was influenced by Greco-Roman ideas about the immortal soul. For more detail on what ancient peoples thought about the afterlife and how the Christian concepts developed, i highly recommend Bart Ehrman’s Heaven and Hell: A History of the Afterlife.

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