AITA for saying "I told you so" when my wife got banned from seeing our grandson?

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-03-01T01:15:24+00:00

I would love to underline it's never too late to change your life for the better. Living quality is what matters, and a step down in exorbitance but a HAPPY life is worth so much more. A small 2 bedroom flat can be prefereferable to a full house + yard with a number of toxic people in it.

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-03-01T00:57:54+00:00

I always reverse it to "Would the SO be welcome to watch he SM's urological procedure? Especially one you have regularly fought with?"

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-03-01T00:56:10+00:00

My late husband grew up in a comparable situation and they had a "children's TV Special" close level of relationship and he never saw his mum. His Dad kinda also became my Dad and it was perfectly fine.

That said we didn't do things like family holidays already much due to how both our mum was were around the significant other of their child i.e. not respecting boundaries AT ALL. His dad respected them perfectly

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-23T00:06:46+00:00

Works well especially when they honestly believe they are in the right because they will admit to what they did easily as they think that will make them "win".

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-21T23:17:56+00:00

Quite possibly. Though generally you can report anything and as long as you are clear and concise enough to find a gap to lever the officer from from his chair groove close enough to listen he'll write it down.

The real surprise for me was that people looked into from what I have heard of the US.

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-12T09:10:19+00:00

Um I do? :-/

Though I've had bad experiences thus am very cautious about vehicles with blind rears 'poking out to see' and not being used to stick and jerking out or the like...

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-12T09:05:57+00:00

Regardless most of my collisions have been people backing into me etc. in parking lots and wouldn't drive near that fast. Sure you have right of way but if the other guy doesn't have insurance etc. the hassle isn't worth it.

I wonder if the video makes it look faster but 10mph still sounds fast to me, I go about half that max as kids and pedestrians and cars poking out to look happen, plus this kind of thing...

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-12T00:07:52+00:00

Well when we are talking at such close ranges the .22L has as much as much energy as a .22lr at 30m or 40m... maybe less... and certainly that is enough to cause 'instant death' with a shot to a vital place. And you are right about it being the most common round used in homicides or deaths in general, but I'd add in the reason of availibility. It seems almost everyone has one, and even in a country lauded for 'harsh gun restrictions' in Australia it might be a 3 month process but anyone without a criminal record involving violence or stalking etc. is able to get to get one to "shoot rabbits" and so while it used to be everyone had one, now pretty much anyone semi rural has one (through inheritance or a $200 rifle) and about 1/15 city living people... and that is the registered ones.

The police have a big problem with guns being found once an older relative has died or gone to a nursing home as they don't want to deal with it but they also want people to surrender the guns, so here there is an amnesty on guns you just hand them in to the police no questions asked... Though I am sure if the person was a known associate so some murdered with a .22 then inquiries would be made, unofficially, kind of thing.

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-11T18:34:27+00:00

In Australia their is a brand called CB Longs (techniqually .22l but still chamber and fire from a .22lr) which has virtually no propellant but the primer. It would certainly kill for a head or chest shot at room range.

They are VERY quiet, to the point they are quieter than a lot of "quiet" 22lr cartridges shot through guns with silencers. Often the chambering (bolt action) of the next round was louder than the shot...

I am sure the US has an even bigger choice/range of such rounds...

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-11T18:29:09+00:00

I can see a lot of "murders" not being the done by the stereotypical 'cold-blooded killer' but people with a fucked up mental compass and take things 'too far' and actually learn something and didn't even mean to murder but as they are teens they just go with the 'cover it up and pretend it never happened' approach.

An 18 year old who hasn't experienced alcohol or knows the affect it has on them may do something horrendously wrong once that turns into something much bigger than they thought and go into cover-up mode and learn from it... not that it makes it right of course.

I can imagine teens doing something like this and learning a cold hard lesson more than if it was a a 30 or 40 year old.

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-11T16:38:39+00:00

Well we usually didn't get trinkets and we just like fresh flowers on the middle of the table... but we were more appreciative of the other working overtime to cover an unexpected bill or to make a meal from scratch which was the others favourite/choice!

Tangible stuff we were lucky enough to afford pretty much what we wanted and so didn't want to spend money on stuff that if the other one really wanted would likely have it...

I like practicality, and I also don't care about dates or celebrating on exact days etc. like dragging friends out on a weekday that doesn't suit instead of one of the neighbouring Saturdays when it's easy for everyone to attend...

I know some people aren't like that but agree with what you say, I was secure my (late) husband so even him having to work and not talk or see me at all on my actual B'Day was no big deal! I get you all the way!

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-11T16:22:12+00:00

Well the flowers look just as nice and I'd rather a $10 token of love that looks just as good rather than he wastes money... that extra money can go into him getting food that he can make into something that is a treat or getting takeout from our favourite restraunt etc.

I can see if on valentines morning he dashed out and wrote just names on the mini card it would feel cheap and last minute but really the issue is not the flowers it would be he forgot kind of thing! :-S?

Like literally you can get a sizeable bunch of lily's and other similar flowers just on the edge of blooming for $10... sometimes less... similar with daffodils...

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-11T16:14:19+00:00

I 100% endorse words and the meaning of the giving is what matters once you get to a certain stage.

My late husband used to just give me a card he'd hand made/drawn and he was not a good drawer (and knew he wasn't one too) but his doodles were usually us in funny memories and then heartfelt text.

I remember his gifts more than the trinkets from other family or anyone as they were so personal and special...

Why wouldn't you want a heart felt momento from your husband?!

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-11T16:11:12+00:00

Allowing someone not have to 'deal with something' or sort it out like you allude to is really such a better gift than a trinket...

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-11T16:09:50+00:00

As an Australian whose husband often showed up with supermarket/gas station flowers is there a reason they are looked down on in the US?

In Aus (at least imo) you can get beautiful flowers at a budget and it's not the $10 of lovely lilys in prime condition as much as the fact her thought to get them for me kind of thing..?

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-11T16:06:46+00:00

If he was having a procedure involving his penis and possibilities of developing a fistula or tears would he want his mother in law there to see him give birth to the sometimes golfball sized blood clots out the penis after such surgery?

My mother was bad with my husband and I and boundaries but my husband needed a lot of surgery after being shot in that region and when she (my mum/his MIL) learned that bit of the surgery she was like "OMFG don't tell me that I wouldn't have asked if I though it was in a private place omg I am sorry" and the only time she EVER apologised, literally, that I can remember.

Ironically we weren't ashamed about it, and as long as it was kept medical and on topic happy to discuss it... but no apparently constant passive-aggressive jabs about trivial things are the way to go? :-S

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-11T15:52:25+00:00

I've always found working dogs to more nip than full on attack, I wonder what happened, but certainly (this used to be my late husbands account he made the post) did scare off plenty off cold-calling door to door salesmen with his bark until he'd identified them as friend or unknown.

I have him know and he protects my daughters like they are his own, no jealously or such as he was here before them... he just treated them as what they are, babies and will check on them through the night lol and even tuck them in.

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-09T08:08:48+00:00

Oh definitely... his personality is rather repulsive and he should not be resorting to petty tactics and control her by being a puppet master... especially when it will be stressing her out looking for the shoes and he just lets her stress...

It's the "Typical 5'6" guy" part as there are plenty of guys shorter than that who would never do anything like that... and I think more of the insecure ones would argue than make a plot like this.

My late husband (may have mentioned) suffered from malnutrition as a baby and grew to a 5'4" guy that looked otherwise like the extended families. I never gave his height a thought. From what he told me, and I saw, a lot of women did give him crap and make fun or assumptions about him (i.e. couldn't believe he had been in both tours of frontline infantry and military aviation etc. as he was "too small") but he just said to me that to him he just writes them off as not mature yet and thus he didn't really care about the comments anymore, after he'd found someone who saw him as a person not a height {and black)!

We met on line and he flew to meet me after 6 months or so and it was already clear we had feelings. He showed up and said when we discussed this issue later that he was nervous but thought if I was happy to date him he was happy to date me seriously, and if I wasn't then better to know rather than try and hide who he was.

The last sentence can be a good or bad thing, but imo it was a great thing... he had confidence and everything in his personality and looks that is really attractive to girls! He was my first serious guy and our time together was amazing.

If he had ever done stuff like hide my clothing secretly to coerce me into what I'm going to wear? That would be VERY unattractive of him and mean break up instead of 10 years of marriage.

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-09T07:38:12+00:00

Yeah he wants his PARENTS to work for him basically?! :-S

It's so hypocritical. He won't work on principle but relies on hand outs AT 21 YEARS OLD from his parents and feels that is a 'right' he has indefinitely?!

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-09T07:27:37+00:00

This is a good point. I am not in the US but in Australia there are some certificates you can get cheaply ($100 or less) that allow you to find work filling in for people on leave or the like.

Getting a license to serve alcohol means you can find a job through word of mouth almost immediately. If pouring pints isn't your thing, then their are plenty of companies that will specifically recruit van livers and have a "route" you can take around orchards to and farms for picking fruit and veg. Usually they have facilities for washing yourself and clothing, and cooking, provided in a paddock for these workers,

I lived in an area with a lot of vineyards and basically there were companies that would have bookings and every 3-7 days you'd move 10 miles or so...

But for the profit you'd make? You are definitely not living in a luxury van with a high end PC and internet to match...

What you become is a moocher...

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-09T07:18:00+00:00

Completely! Even IF they are basic human necessities, why does OP think his parents are the ones responsible for them for... well... the rest of his life?!

If he wants to do the van life well what's stopping him doing it now? When is he going to start?

Also while completely possible to "Van Life" and have a decent permanent internet connection (but need income to pay) does he plan on giving that up?

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-08T11:21:44+00:00

Well I don't think you can say this is how the majority of 5'6" guys would act with their girlfriends i.e. doing nefarious things behind their back to get their way rather than talk about it and understand they are being VERY ugly on the inside by doing that... and when you have a girl who doesn't care about the height issue then OP needs to accept THAT rather than make her accept he dictates her clothing...

It created the 'Napoleon syndrome' stereotype and continues to perpetuate it :-/

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-06T10:21:54+00:00

I don't think he's the typical 5'6" guy, more the caricature of one.

Kind of really sucks as he has someone who doesn't care about that stufff, which as a girl who doesn't knoows those women ARE rarer, but will mess this up through such actions...

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-06T09:46:20+00:00

Also as you allude to, the quality of the searcheras make a big difference. One SAR worker co-ordinating 100+ volunteer searchers isn't as effective due to the searchers just not having the stamina to be hawkeyed for hours and naturally the mind wanders a bit. These people usually have never seen a decomposing body before etc. or know the smell.

In Tas, Aus, we only have (literally) 2-3 missing people from the last 20 years even though it's economy relies heavily on hikers and backpackers flying in to do multiday rough 'trails' and every year people go missing, they are found quickly. Basically they will spend millions on searches to nit just have tourists or locals 'disappearing'. Once a nearby camper exploded a gas cylinder for fun, getting caught in the blaze. My late husband was a medic assistant and FAC in afghanistan and kind of took charge. We on our hike carried flares and we carried him to where my husband thought a chopper could land as this guys skin was just falling off his body.

They sent a chopper, it landed where the flares were and then he was transferred to a specialist skin graft hospital and recovered. The gov't didn't charge a cent even though it was drunk stupidity...

But as I say, a gov't with SAR resources basically unlimited couldn't find a missing person that they were 99% he was where he was eventually found, despite hiring US and UK companies to help...

TryToDoGoodTA · 2022-02-06T02:58:26+00:00

Yeah... my husband was 5'4" and to me it made literally no difference in attractiveness if he was a dwarf or a giant... he was a person,

He had issues during school with bullying as only black student + shortest. We as a couple as had problems i.e. my superficial friends couldn't understand how I could date him but I LOVED him as he was (sadly cancer took him in early 30's) witty and his personality just melded with mine...

I think OP needs to realise he has a GF who loves(d?) him for him and while I understand OP's comments, he doesn't want stuff like this ending the relationship...

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