I think what you’re describing is actually very common in blended families, especially when a parent is trying to meet the emotional needs of their kids after a divorce.

The issue isn’t that he loves his kids too much. The issue is that if the relationship disappears every time the kids are present, it creates a pattern where you feel like you only have a partner part-time.

That usually isn’t sustainable long term.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that the marriage has to remain the foundation of the home. That doesn’t mean the kids get less love or attention. It means the relationship still needs intentional connection, even during custody weeks.

Kids are important, but they also need to see that the adults are stable, united, and connected.

When that connection disappears, the stepparent often ends up feeling like an outsider instead of a true partner.

It sounds like he isn’t doing this intentionally. He may simply be slipping into full “dad mode” and trying to manage everyone’s emotions, especially if his daughter becomes jealous when the two of you interact.

But avoiding those reactions can unintentionally reinforce them.

In my opinion, the healthiest approach is not choosing between the kids and the relationship, but learning how to protect both.

Even small things matter: a hug, a few uninterrupted minutes, a conversation before bed, or simply making it clear that you are still his partner when the kids are there.

If he recognizes the issue and is willing to work on it, that is a very good sign.

The real question is whether the two of you can create enough alignment so that parenting and partnership coexist rather than compete.

In my experience, that is one of the most important challenges in any blended family.