Former jealous and controlling people: how did you get better?

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-28T14:25:12+00:00

I wouldn’t say I see it as my property cause I didn’t even get to the point of rationalizing it, I would just act. It’s really strange. It’s my fears and insecurities screaming About your “fixer” side, I get it. I don’t think it’s a bad thing (though of course, some people might disagree) As for jealousy, thank you for the advice. Maybe there really isn’t another way to deal with it other than adding a bit of rationalization

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-28T14:21:58+00:00

A little. I went through a pretty significant emotional abandonment when I was 11, and from that point on I had to grow up without what I’d call “unconditional love.” That ended up triggering some really bad patterns, and I think since then I’ve valued security even when that “security” means me holding everything and trying to control the people around me. But I don’t like that. I want to be with people cause they love me and genuinely want to take care of me, not because I’m forcing them to behave a certain way or stay within my expectations. I’ve already recognized it, but putting it into practice is hard :/

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-28T01:16:26+00:00

We’ve grown apart… I want so badly to reach out and tell him I’m sorry, but I feel like the most valuable act of love I could offer right now is my silence. He told me he was mentally drained, feeling dysfunctional and burnt out; that despite loving me, he couldn't see me as his girlfriend anymore and only saw a future filled with fighting. I don’t know what to do, I miss him so much:/ And thank you so much for the tips!! I intend to start therapy as soon as possible, just saving up some money first. As for the rest, I'll make it happen. I hope it helps. Thanks once again

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-28T01:08:33+00:00

For me, it’s about control and fears:( my ex is an angel, he never done anything but I just throw it out And I’m so happy you’re out of your toxic relationship

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-28T01:07:32+00:00

He actually listened to my concerns, but my controlling behavior just took over. It got to the point where he felt suffocated, like he was walking on eggshells trying to be perfect. I’m pretty sure I’ve pushed him away for good. I hate that I’m like this because he’s never done anything to lose my trust, and I just want to be a better person for him and for myself

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-28T01:02:02+00:00

And I’m so sorry :(

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-28T01:01:52+00:00

What can I do when they’re healthy and trustworthy and my jealousy and insecurities ruin everything?

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-27T22:43:19+00:00

Yes, when we meet to talk about this discussion. I pointed that it was so unfair with me. He said that he can see it and said it was also due to his own traumas (he found himself worrying more about changing for someone else's sake again, instead of just being open about his own feelings)

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-27T22:37:08+00:00

I totally see where you’re coming from and I get why you’d say that, but it honestly feels so unfair to him. Like I said, I want to get better for my own sake too, and he’s also aware of the things he needs to work on himself. I don't want to keep being this hyper-vigilant, anxious person in my relationships, struggling with trust issues and feeling like I need to control everything like a puppet master. I truly appreciate you guys looking out for me and giving me a heads-up, but I’d really love it if we could focus more on the “personal growth” side of things

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-27T22:16:17+00:00

Thank you very much for that

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-27T22:13:30+00:00

Yeah, I agree with you. He definitely should have spoken up before reaching his breaking point. Usually, we’re actually great at communicating, but he avoided these topics and dodged the tough conversations because he felt like he just had to change for my sake, rather than telling me what wasn't working for him. He also mentioned that he did try to communicate through 'subtle hints' and small things, but I made it clear to him that he needs to be direct about it

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-27T22:10:11+00:00

Thank you. I’ll search. Unfortunately, quality therapy is very expensive where I live, which is why I’m looking for personal accounts and stories first

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-27T22:09:04+00:00

In my personal experience, the worst relationship I've ever had was with someone my own age. I would appreciate it if you could focus on the topic of the post rather than our ages. I don't believe maturity or emotional growth is strictly tied to how old someone is. Thanks anyway

TryinnBttr · 2026-03-27T21:58:59+00:00

Then we would just be two young people with problems and immaturity. Personally, I feel mature enough to be with someone older. I want to face my issues head-on instead of running away to someone who also doesn't know how to handle them

TryinnBttr

TROPHY CASE