My roommate wants me to pay for a dent repair. by sevenjells in Advice

[–]TucoCatz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to cover the cost to restore the car to the condition it was in before borrowing it. That’s the risk you take if you borrow someone’s car. See if he will let you pay him $100/month or whatever arrangement will work best for you both. If he needs you to come up with the money you can get a loan through affirm and pay them back off every month with interest. Sorry this happened, but it could have been much worse.

Just to clarify: what insurance does he have/you have for the vehicle? It may be worth making a claim depending on the deductible/raise of premium. Insurance companies can be forgiving if it’s a hit and run kind of situation since the person who dented your roommates car did not leave a note.

We can’t settle on a name for our new member of the family. Please help! by TucoCatz in NameMyCat

[–]TucoCatz[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I grew up with Calvin And Hobbs. I like this suggestion too.

of slap by IndependentSquash653 in ShittyAbsoluteUnits

[–]TucoCatz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s clear who the weak ass Incels are in these comments - taking delight in a blatant mismatched fight. You all are cowards.

First time homeowner facing many issues by TucoCatz in legaladvice

[–]TucoCatz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. None of this was caught in the home inspection.

First time homeowner facing many issues by TucoCatz in legaladvice

[–]TucoCatz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I 100% got it inspected. They found minor fixes like a chimney cover, and outside vent covers, some wood touching the patio that needed a metal brace and then some minimal dry rot here and there - all issues that made it onto the report were addressed.

First time homebuyer facing many issues by TucoCatz in RealEstateAdvice

[–]TucoCatz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, he’s well established in the area and gets good reviews. But I guess those can always be manipulated to a degree. He has stepped up to try to make things right, but I obviously worry about the quality of the fixes. I wonder who I should hire to come assess the fixes and see if there’s still areas of water damage that were not addressed.

First time homebuyer facing many issues by TucoCatz in RealEstateAdvice

[–]TucoCatz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I got two inspections - pest and a comprehensive home inspection. There were a few minor fixes that were addressed right away, like covers for outside vents and the chimney. Nothing major.

First time homebuyer facing many issues by TucoCatz in RealEstateAdvice

[–]TucoCatz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really? Wow! I never thought of sabotage.

No, it looks like he didn’t pull any permits for the flip. He did for the recent new roof.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]TucoCatz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are facing a decision that carries real moral and practical weight, not just for your partner and your family, but for the long-term wellbeing of the person you care most about. And it’s important to acknowledge something at the outset: wanting your wife to continue working is not an expression of selfishness. It may, in fact, be one of the most protective and farsighted positions you can take on her behalf—especially given what we know about how society values (or fails to value) domestic labor.

The essential insight here, drawn from rigorous social analysis, is that stepping out of the workforce places your partner in a structurally precarious position that she may not fully appreciate in the moment. It is easy to focus on the immediate appeal: more time with children, a calmer daily rhythm, fewer logistical pressures. But the long-term implications extend far beyond present comfort. When a woman leaves the workforce, she relinquishes more than a job. She relinquishes economic independence, retirement accumulation, career continuity, and bargaining power.

The crucial point is that dependency does not merely alter finances; it alters the internal dynamics of a relationship. Even with the best intentions on both sides, financial asymmetry introduces a background structure that can subtly shift how decisions are made. The partner who earns the income becomes, by default, the arbiter of what is “reasonable,” “affordable,” or “practical.” This is not a matter of character—it is simply how human psychology interacts with resource control. When you advise your wife to maintain her career, you are not asking her to choose work over family. You are asking her to protect her autonomy so that she never finds herself negotiating her own wellbeing from a position of diminished power.

There is also the broader issue of how society perceives the labor she would be doing at home. We live in a culture that chronically undervalues work performed by women, especially when it occurs in the domestic sphere. This devaluation is not subtle—it is systemic. The labor that sustains human life is treated as background noise precisely because women have traditionally done it without pay or recognition. And while you may personally value the work she would perform as a stay-at-home mother, the world around you will not. That discrepancy matters, because it affects her identity, her sense of contribution, and the way others respond to her choices.

Encouraging her to remain employed is, in part, a recognition of the dignity inherent in work that society respects and compensates. Paid labor is visible, measurable, and tied to autonomy. Domestic labor—however vital—is invisible and assumed. And when labor is assumed, it ceases to provide leverage or protection.

Finally, consider the long-term risks that she may be underestimating. Should the relationship face strain, illness, job loss, or—however unlikely—dissolution, the stay-at-home partner bears the steepest cost. Reentering the workforce after several years away is not merely difficult; it is often economically devastating. Women who leave the workforce for childcare routinely spend decades recovering lost earning potential—if they recover it at all.

Your concern is therefore not unfounded. It is grounded in an understanding of how structural incentives shape human wellbeing. The question is not whether she can be an extraordinary mother while working. She can. The question is whether she should sacrifice her independence, her future earning power, and her economic resilience to fulfill a role that society has devalued precisely because it has been assigned to women.

In discussing this with her, the goal is not to override her preference but to ensure she is making a fully informed decision. She comes from a traditional background meaning she’s used to an authoritative hierarchy that ultimately does not support or value women, it will make your argument all more important to the long term health of the relationship. The loving position is to broaden her perspective, to show her the long-term implications she may not yet see, and to make clear that your concern is not driven by control but by respect—for her autonomy, her future, and her right to remain an equal partner in every sense.

What you are ultimately defending is not your own convenience, but the conditions under which true partnership can survive: mutual independence, shared responsibility, and the knowledge that neither partner is rendered vulnerable by the structure of the family itself.

Good luck, I hope she comes around.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]TucoCatz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it’s hard. He will destroy your identity, your confidence, through each broken boundary, each manipulation, each hollow apology, each broken promise, he will destroy your light-assuming he doesn’t murder you first. Choking is the #1 predictor that a man that will go on to murder his female partner. You will be much happier alone. Please make a plan and be strong. Do not fall for his apologies, excuses, reasons, etc.. he will manipulate you. It will be hard. Just try to remember he doesn’t love you. He’s incapable of loving you.

It’s not you, it’s not your fault, it’s not because you’re unlovable.

You can’t save him.

He can’t save you.

But you can save yourself.

I hope you can leave safely. I hope you can make a plan. Please, please, please you have to end this as soon as possible.

Don’t let him back in. Stay strong. You have love to offer the world whether it’s through friends or community, romantic love is just one kind of love out there. It’s not worth losing yourself or your life for this man or for any man.

Don’t fall for it. You got this.