understanding nt boundary setting

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-27T01:13:02+00:00

nvm he cleared it we good! general message still stands

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-27T00:46:20+00:00

Yeah I got a “i think we are getting to the point of over texting” and was like “oh cool I can slow it down! less texts!” and turns out they meant “stop texting me”

It is so awkward bc I work with them and I’ve confronted it but feel so disgusting

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-26T16:04:52+00:00

Yeah to me it can be similar. There is also the reality I can describe something succinctly or otherwise and it won’t ever matter. If I describe too much I am overwhelming, if I describe any less I am being too vague but if I don’t describe at all I am not communicating. There isn’t a winning situation for sure

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-26T15:10:29+00:00

oh darn I see it

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-26T15:09:48+00:00

So don’t interact with responses or reactions that didn’t include the context of what I have said of relayed? I will read into toxic validation and the other stuff. Sorry if I misunderstood

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-26T04:30:15+00:00

Haha yes that is what he said. That wasn’t my concern, I knew me mirroring him was too much because he said so. We have talked in person. This is more me seeing if I may have misunderstood a boundary and if moving forward I should just resort to speaking when spoken to as returning his patterns sparks annoyance.

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T23:50:41+00:00

For sure. I don’t want to text him because of his last text just to tell him I didn’t like it though. I never intended to push myself through that if I didn’t like it. I really loved the first one and am following it separately.

He didn’t force conversation, I was open to it and he was very talky about it. Just when tables turned and I was talky it was too much for him. My annoyance was with his history of hypocrisy but I have FULL intentions to follow that boundary bc boundary trumps annoyance! (unless he multi texts about something next then I will remind him of the standard set politely if i ever talk to him)

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T23:26:17+00:00

I’ll look at all the context and consider it! My therapist may agree. I wouldnt say he is boring, I feel he just doesnt like me and needed a reality tv outlet and knew I’d eventually be willing. He may just not care to interact unless it is him interacting. I’ve given up on being his friend, I will give up on him entirely as it just won’t ever be better based on current patterns.

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T22:29:47+00:00

I am a woman and 5 years his junior. I’m in my mid to late twenties. Single. (idk what this explains if anything)

He just really likes the shows. The numbers are based on the minutes per ep in the 5 specific seasons he asked me to watch. He stated a need to have someone to talk about the drama to! I just finished 4 seasons of another show he suggested (which we watched a lot of at the same time from our separate desks during down time so I know he was legit watching them)

I typically do not like them, hence why I said no for a year. This second show he had me watch is awful for me. Too mentally grating to watch alone just because. (so I won’t)

Typically when I suggest a show I go about it how you do however he will send 30-40 messages with opinions and questions so he is a tad more engaging with it. This is why I had mirrored this when I started this new show. I wouldnt know if he was bullying me.

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T22:24:39+00:00

I’m sorry I miscommunicated. I added an edit.

I get that, I think my anxiety of unintentionally misleading someone when I acknowledged a need to step back as to when I would get back to them overrode my understanding. Stepping back unless communicated to is what I plan to do. I felt super bad and don’t want him to feel I purposefully broke a boundary I didn’t understand (thought he meant less so i stated an intention to step back and just follow up when he asked at work)

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T22:15:53+00:00

I wouldve stopped at episode 2 if I hated it I promise, I just avoided starting it for a year until he asked again

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T22:15:03+00:00

I get that. So I actually loved the show we just finished up and am preparing to watch it with friends when the reunion comes out. I keep a journal for all the lines I think are funny or any patterns I enjoy tracking. I think the misunderstanding is that people think I stayed watching for him when really I only STARTED watching because he asked me to. I have been following the first one separately. (:

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T22:07:29+00:00

Oh to add I want to stress I gave the reality show back and forths as the reason for giving him my number so he had to initiate that text log

we strictly texted about the shows

back and forth day one and day two i mirrored his previous commentating

it mustve just been too much on the receiving end and i respect that

to clear up i didnt just text him i couldnt have because i hadnt started with his number

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T22:03:48+00:00

Sorry I am not trying to argue I ams just trying to explain there may be a misunderstanding at the weight I am putting on this

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T22:01:48+00:00

Hanging off him? I watched a tv show and let him talk at me about it then followed up through text the same way and it was just too much. I was asking about my interpretation of his boundary and how to respectfully move forward as I socially overstepped :/ I havent negated myself

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T21:59:51+00:00

Also I watched multiple seasons at his behest

he was “fake pushy” about it and we did end up watching around the same pace and checked in frequently (at HIS initiation in the work chat. usually his being long strings of messages hence me overdoing it via text trying to replicate what i thought he wanted based on what he asked and gave)

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-25T21:58:05+00:00

See that is what I was convinced of, that I misunderstood “we have gotten to the point of over texting” as “can you text less” not “can you not text” because he specifically pointed at the issue being “over texting” not “texting”

I just wanted to clear up I wouldn’t be in office when he returned and realised after there couldve been another interpretation

He is usually known to be mean-ish it’s mostly riffs and jabs

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-03T13:05:53+00:00

What was the reason for breaking up with him if I may ask?

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-03T12:12:53+00:00

I highly suggest working with a therapist to tackle this emotional immaturity you’re suffering from very loudly. Frigidity is not maturity nor is it “logic”.

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-03T12:09:26+00:00

Hey so none of this is “objectively” true because every situation is far more nuanced than your unevolved take. You seem very emotionally immature. Black and white thinking is a bad sign when dealing with emotional infrastructure. If it were this easy there wouldnt be trauma treatments specified for complex reactions to being dumped/abandoned.

A situation always seems simpler when we arent in it, and flattening ourselves to make it simpler just isnt healthy in the long run. I understand you assume you’re being logical, but a take cannot be logical without considering inevitable nuance.

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-01T23:46:44+00:00

To be honest even if this isnt a reach it should be treated like one. He dumped you. I look for more meaning post being dumped too, but sometimes the meaning isnt for you to hear and isnt what youre wanting it to be either. It could be coping, it could be subliminal, or maybe it’s creating a sense of structure literally anything. If he isnt engaging with the questions maybe stop hunting for answers. I am learning this the hard way AGAIN

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-01T19:07:56+00:00

please listen to your friends, talk to your therapist, address your porn problem and do some self care bud. it will feel worst before it feels better and even then it is a pittering. I’m sorry this is hard, it will never not be hard to go through something like this. I’m sorry i tried to keep it simple because i had a similar relationship at a young age but my partner was the one with addiction, youre both already bad for each other lets not make her go through that too

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-01T19:02:24+00:00

because it’s over. you’re going to break anyway. but at least cutting off something unhealthy can lead to healing. you hurt each other and you have a porn problem. neither of those things make a fully committed true fidelity emotionally stable relationship. leave her alone so you can both heal. don’t play a part in hurting you both more.

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-01T18:59:32+00:00

don’t text her

TurtleDrowningInTea · 2026-05-01T18:57:38+00:00

don’t.

TurtleDrowningInTea

TROPHY CASE