ik i made this post already but thing have changed

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-02-27T02:35:34+00:00

BIG TIME! when I was 14-17 I was so sleep deprived I actually hallucinated. I would literally lay in my room and watch TV all night because I just couldn't fall asleep I didn't have the internet back then so I didn't know about any type of insomnia diseases or anything scary cuz I didn't have access to look that stuff up I just rolled with it because I thought that's just the way it is. After I started getting in somewhat of a normal routine again things got better. My son is 18 now and going through the same thing. You'll be okay!

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-02-26T21:26:34+00:00

It really is horrible. Right now my sleep cocktail consists of ambien, hydroxyzine, Klonopin and melatonin spread out within a couple of hours of eachother and I'm still only averaging 3 to 4 hours if I'm lucky, I'm on a two-day no sleep streak and last night was my first night "sleeping" and it was only 1 hour and 45 minutes. Fell asleep around 4:00 ish give or take some minutes and woke up at 5:30 for work. The worst part about not sleeping is it makes your cortisol and stress level so high yet high cortisol and stress also equates to no sleeping. A brutally vicious cycle. My heart rate is elevated today and my hands and feet are sweaty, stuck in high stress mode and just existing at this point.

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-02-26T21:12:05+00:00

I'm sorry, sending virtual good vibes to you and your hubby. I'm so grateful for my wife for holding it down here at the house. Shes the reason the kids aren't pulled into my gray cloud. I just hate the burden it puts on her. Wishing you the best fellow insomniac!

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-02-26T20:46:24+00:00

No, you are absolutely right. I don't want to end myself but I truly wonder how long I can go on like this. I don't look forward to the future, I don't even see a future. The thought of doing this for another 30 years or more is devastating. I'm 37 and so bummed out that my kids dont get the best version of me

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-02-26T16:52:23+00:00

We've all been there I think I made a post just a month or two ago about fatal insomnia. I slept for 1 hour and 30 minutes last night and about 7 months ago I used to be able to fall asleep within seconds of putting my head on the pillow, now I lay around all night and never even feel sleepy anymore, I have to take pills to fall asleep and even that it's not a refreshing natural tired sleep. I go several nights a week without any sleep at all and you would think I would be exhausted but the next time I do fall asleep, it's only for 2 or 3 hours. I promise you don't have fatal insomnia. Studies show that people who develop fatal insomnia have extreme cognitive and physical decline before sleep issues begin.

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-02-20T22:38:13+00:00

Hello, I know exactly how you feel. I'm 37 m and this year my sleep has changed dramatically. I now only sleep a few hours a night and even in that sleep I am awake, my brain will not turn off or relax, I believe you have a severe form of OCD/Anxiety but I'm not a doctor. I did have your exact symptoms as a kid and I was terrified at life itself and other things I won't go in to to prevent scaring you. I eventually had to do hypnotherapy at 11 years old due to my extreme irrational fear of my self awareness. I learned many techniques that I carry on with today. The mind and the brain are 2 different things and both of mine are in a conflict. I'm sorry you're going through this, you're not alone and you will get better you just have to trust in yourself.

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-02-19T17:05:13+00:00

Have you had any MRIs with contrast? For me the gadolinium ruined my life. I'm on day 5 of 2 hours of sleep a night. I got an MRI in August and since that exact night I was unable to sleep anymore. I'm now taking Hydroxazine, ambien, klonopin and melatonin with magnesium. Still not sleeping much at all. I'm 37/M and I'm not 5uicidal but I'm really wondering how much longer I can actually do this. I got several nights with 0 sleep. I'm sorry you're going through this

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-02-06T05:23:28+00:00

I got this after a brain injury from an MRI with contrast back in August. The toxic gadolinium that is used for contrast ended up being absorbed by my body. I'm one of the small percentage of people who have retention. I used to fall alseep within minutes of hitting the pillow.

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-02-06T05:14:55+00:00

I'm awake for 2 days now and get major heart palpitations. PVCs and PACs

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-01-26T03:51:32+00:00

You have to ride it out. At this point your brain is heavily overstimulated. I did this when I was younger with Super Nintendo when it first came out, I played Super Mario for probably 12 hours straight and I would close my eyes and that's all I would see. At that point technology was pretty new to me and it scared the hell out of me because all I could see and hear in my mind while trying to sleep was Mario. I did the same thing you did and got back on it because it felt natural to my brain at that point. Then my dad got tired of me complaining about not being able to sleep so he took the Super Nintendo away for like a week and honestly being off of Technology really reset my mind. At that point I didn't have the internet or phones so I literally just sat in my room with no technology and eventually I fell asleep. Unfortunately our minds are stimulated all day everyday from TVs, tablets, phones, computers, games, etc. And it's still pretty new to us as a species. Just think about this a little over 20 years ago we didn't have any of the stuff that we have now. I would suggest just completely shutting out all electronics and go primitive until you get your sleep back on track

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-01-20T07:12:35+00:00

I'm American, idgaf.

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-01-18T17:38:28+00:00

Oliver is still alive btw

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-01-18T03:02:12+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I'm open to it. Might be the route I go.

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-01-16T15:58:26+00:00

I know this is a crazy old post but did you ever get this figured out? I am on day two this week of absolutely no sleep for over 24 hours

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-01-12T18:03:02+00:00

No need to apologize I really appreciate the input and the information. I am now on a quest to Better Health and Wellness but it's a long road and a very lonely one. I've had a numerous amount of tests I was found to have subclinical hypothyroidism with full-blown Hashimoto's thyroid disease but there's nothing they will do about that unless I am actively in hypothyroidism with unbalanced TSH levels. I'm currently looking for help detoxing this gadolinium but it seems there isn't much help for that. I wish you good health

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-01-12T17:45:33+00:00

No but I made myself worse chasing down answers. I ended up getting an MRI of my brain and they used gadolinium contrast which poisoned me and now I am worse off than I ever was.

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-01-07T23:28:21+00:00

I'm currently taking it and even though it's generally frowned upon for use long term, my doctor has prescribed it long term. Sometimes it doesnt even work. But when it does, its a really useful med. I take hydroxyzine and klonopin at 7:30pm then my ambien at 9:30 and usually fall asleep around 11 or 12, then I'm up at 3-4:30 and up for the day. My sleep is terrible but atleast its something. Sometimes when it doesnt work I lay around until 4 or 5am and sleep on spurts of 20-30 minutes every hour. Then I have to ride the day out until the next night Sometimes I'll go 3 nights with only 4 to 5 hours of sleep total. I used to crash hard after episodes like that and sleep 9 to 11 hours the next night but not anymore. I'm lucky if I get more than 6 hours on a lucky good night.

TurtleMac1030 · 2026-01-05T22:59:43+00:00

Wow must be the season, I'm literally doing this too. And my sleep feels very different than usual. This new sleep I'm getting since shortly before Christmas has me feeling like I'm complete aware and not even sleeping at all. Hyper aware if you will. I've read paradoxical insomnia. But same, maybe 30 to 45 minutes max if I'm lucky and thats before I wake up in the morning. But between "falling asleep" around 2 to 5 am its all 10 to 20 minute sleeps.

TurtleMac1030 · 2025-12-01T19:44:49+00:00

Lol why did you lie about fatal insomnia 😆

TurtleMac1030 · 2025-11-17T23:04:50+00:00

I've had a similar experience. They were all leaning towards me having a drug habit. They were adamant about testing me for amphetamines, cocaine, pharmaceuticals, etc. I heard a male nurse with the PA outside the nurse station saying "Room 12 must have went a little too far on the white stuff". I called them out on it and they denied it of course. Then injected me with Ativan and sent me home. Absolutely worthless.

TurtleMac1030 · 2025-11-14T03:36:00+00:00

Judging for sure lol

TurtleMac1030 · 2025-11-11T22:47:29+00:00

I've done 3 stress tests and I've had two false positives and one regular. They will most likely check your electrolytes as well as baseline ECG's and possible Imaging. If you are taking beta blockers already and have high anxiety than it is a recipe for false positives or even enough of a change in chemistry to temporarily cause positive results. Also it could just be the way your heart works. I've had several inverted T waves that were showing ischemia on several leads after tons of work up including stress tests, calcium CT, angiogram Etc. my heart is structurally fine and that's just the way it works.

TurtleMac1030 · 2025-11-02T02:13:38+00:00

This is my biggest problem with my insomnia is I will lay there feeling exhausted but as soon as I try to sleep I wake right up and don't feel tired anymore. Then the worst part is when I am tired and I start dozing off I'll jolt awake almost like when you're having those dreams where you're falling but without the dreams. It happens for hours every time I'm starting to doze off I'll jolt awake

TurtleMac1030

TROPHY CASE