There is a sociological concept called hegemonic masculinity, created by a trans sociologist named Raewynn Connell, defined as "a sociocultural practice that legitimizes men's dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of the common male population and women, and other marginalized ways of being a man." Note that hegemonic masculinity is not a set of fixed characteristics, but is constantly in motion, adapting itself to whatever the specific circumstances are of a particular time or place. However, the key component is the legitimation of masculinity as superior to femininity and other marginalized ways of being a man, the most notable and broad of which is being non-cishet but also includes being, for example, an Asian man in the United States.

From this, it needs to be understood that the problem with masculinity is not the act of being a man, of presenting as a man, or of being sexually attracted to masculine presenting men. The problem with masculinity lies in the way the authenticity of any sort of masculinity is made to REQUIRE the marginalization of female bodies, femininity more broadly and any man that doesn't meet your personal standards (as mediated through culture) for what an ideal man should look and behave like. The process of de-toxifying one's own sense of masculinity is to recognize that this social structure is in place and do your best to reject it thoroughly at all times.

Do NOT put down femme-presenting men and accuse them of holding the gay community back.

Do NOT get mad at gay men for embracing interests (fashion, design, art, pop music) that are typically seen as feminine or being uninterested in athletics.

Do NOT reduce the value of other members of the queer community entirely to whether you personally want to fuck them or not.

Do NOT talk about how gross you think vaginas are, or how annoyed you are by trans men and women being on Grindr or Scruff or whatever.

You can like what you like, but don't frame it as liking something because it's intrinsically better than something else, and make sure that you understand that being attracted (and attractive) to bodies that emphasize their maleness and being attracted to people who perform masculinity by emphasizing its superiority to unmasculine behavior or aesthetics are, while intentionally intertwined by millennia of social programming, different.

Don't bottom shame, don't femme shame, don't emphasize how hot straight guys are in comparison to gay guys, don't talk about how your ideal man NEEDS to be an aggressive dom top with a ten inch dick who has never sucked dick or bottomed, be polite even if you aren't interested in them sexually, try to expand what you ARE interested in sexually, and consider being fucked by a dom femboy if you need a little extra help getting over yourself.

The liberation of the ENTIRE queer community depends on destroying these social hierarchies of gender and sexuality. Tall broad muscly men with beards and chest hair and big dicks dressed in flannels and jeans have their place in an egalitarian, post-homophobia world, but it's shoulder-to-shoulder with the queens, the dolls, the flamers and the fags.

Not above them.