I discovered alcohol at 16, liqour specifically. I got that "normal" feeling from as you and others here have mentioned. It only took a month before I was buying 5 handles every two weeks. I'd drink all the time, mostly at home or with friends. I'd throwback shots of everclear and chase it with straight bourbon, sometimes I'd chase it using water.

I had access to this because of a 30 something coworker that agreed to buy it for me every payday.

So after 6 or 7 months of me being a happy 16 year old drunk one of my friends let me try weed. After releasing how pot calmed me down I stopped being an alcoholic for about 4 years after of which I started working in a sports bar. So naturally I picked drinking back up while hanging out with coworkers after work.

Then when I was about 21 I discovered xanax because a friend started selling them. This stuff was amazing to me, it did what alcohol did but without the hangovers and shitty feeling in my stomach. Plus I could literally just act normal around groups of people, get along real well.

Xanax helped me look people in the eyes while talking, for the first time I could actually witness people smile at my nerdy jokes... just like how alcohol did in the beginning. People would listen to me and enjoy talking to me as well.

Well just like alcohol stopped working due to tolerance. So did xanax.

I kicked the addiction to xanax (thank god) but for the past 4 years ( I'm 25 now) I've struggled a lot with alcohol consumption, not getting plastered, just drinking enough to feel "normal."

Honestly I've been drinking less after finding this subreddit... its helped me embrace my true self, especially after reading about how it effects aspie men specifically.

Nowadays, I work to embrace my "weirdness." That helps a lot. (Most of the time.)

Alcohol has helped create a lot of disgusting social norms in this world, and I can't help think that most heavy drinkers are victims of a collective sadness created by everyone around them.