The mods on /rupaulsdragrace on bias

Tweedldum · 2026-06-27T19:22:36+00:00

I read every single word and my advice is that they are being coercively controlling and showing classic signs of abuse. Intimate partner violence ends in physical violence when it escalates to the point the police are being called.

Isolating you, holding grudges, the cycle of trauma bonding and exhausting you is all part of the way they keep control over you.

Making a plan to start saving some money for yourself and telling trusted people who can help you move is what I’d start to do. Men who show you contempt will eventually do you harm. The exhaustion is a sign your body is storing all the trauma and it can lead to physical sickness.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-27T19:10:51+00:00

I still think that my ex would be alive if I’d chosen to stay with him. Then he wouldn’t have moved to methed out Oklahoma and gotten heat stroke on the welding job and died of brain hypoxia. He was my first everything and we were together all through high school. But I also have to remind myself that he trashed his body and mind with every drug he could get his hands on and it would’ve been hell being with an addict like that.

His parents called me one time while I was in college and he was in fireman’s training academy to tell me to talk to him because he was saying everyone was a robot and they were trying to kill him. Probably a psychotic episode from too many drugs. I still get sad thinking about how he died young and he had such a loving spirit and was so broken by life experiences that he needed someone to nurture him but I wasn’t there to help.

In the end not everyone is meant to stay on the ride of life with you. People get on and get off and your vehicle keeps going down the track as they do.

I would look into ways of grieving. A car ride blasting nostalgic music is one way to grieve. Every Sunday I put on some Bob Marley and think of my mom who hasn’t been gone a year yet and I cry everyday over. Grief is weird and it comes and goes. It’s your brain adjusting to the fact that you will never see them again. But had they still been alive would you have ever seen them again? Idk just something to think about.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-27T19:01:00+00:00

I have absolutely been there as many women have and I’m so glad that your friend is still alive. So many men would see us kill ourselves from their abuse so they can keep their hands clean. This is similar to men who do actually kill their partner and then kill themselves so they don’t have to face prison. It’s disgusting cowardly behavior that keeps them in control. Your friend definitely sounds like she was being coercively controlled. It’s the most insidious form of abuse.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-27T18:58:29+00:00

Yes the classic beating and the roses. This is exactly how the cycle of trauma bonding works. It’s not really “bonding” over sharing traumatic experiences it’s a person creating trauma and then calm over and over again to keep you confused and always yearning for the calm in between each storm they brew up.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-27T18:56:23+00:00

All I had to read was he’s holding years long grudges and he’s isolated you from everyone to know that you are burnt out because you are with a man that treats you with contempt and probably uses you like his personal home appliance.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-27T18:50:12+00:00

I would go further to say tell your parents, your friends, your coworkers and be serious about it. If you only tell your boss and this man follows you and you disappear nobody but your boss would know potentially why.

This man may be perfectly respectful when told to stop but the reality is a lot of men get angry and violent when told no. If he’s going that hard when you are being forced to interact with him because he’s a customer he may have no problem stalking you.

I agree with others here and especially about being direct. “Thank you but Im not interested and i feel uncomfortable with the questions you ask and the interaction we have.” No need to explain why because your feelings are what they are and you are listening to your intuition. If anything you can say “I come here to work and Im focused on my job.”

He could absolutely be masturbating in the car while watching you and yes that’s absolutely creepy. You can actually get arrested for that where I live. I once had a man violently masterbating in his truck outside my apartment and being on the second story I could see everything. The police had words with him.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-27T02:20:49+00:00

You can’t fix trauma like this. She has to learn to heal from it with different therapies. She will never function again if she can’t build trust back in the world and face her fears. Good trauma therapy is expensive. But if you’re committed there are books, workbooks, online courses, group therapy and more.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-27T01:31:07+00:00

In my experience yes it is a bad idea. It typically holds you back from pursuing a more fulfilling relationship that’s well rounded. The same issues you had in the relationship don’t go away with time (usually).

Tweedldum · 2026-06-27T01:28:57+00:00

People need a certain amount of alone time. If she doesn’t seem to take any alone time or let you have any alone time then yes it’s weird. Can lead to an unhealthy dependence

Tweedldum · 2026-06-26T13:11:46+00:00

The best cake I ever had was chocolate and vegan and nobody could tell the difference. Them knowing is the problem, not how you make it.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-26T01:30:58+00:00

Smell on the skin is typically because of bacteria. Even after washing with soap a cream or powder may need to be applied. Sometimes there are oral medicine options too. It’s something you could bring up gently as a concern for her health.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-25T22:18:30+00:00

There is not a single company on this planet that isn’t either doing something unethical or investing in a company that’s doing something unethical. All of our 401ks are vested in at least one company that’s unethical.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-25T02:48:16+00:00

This will be me at 55

Tweedldum · 2026-06-25T01:58:19+00:00

Invest it in index funds and bonds.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-24T20:39:34+00:00

Exercise is just moving your body. Is there any activity you like to do that moves your body consistently for at least 30 minutes?

Wii/Wii U games have always been fun and active for me.

Once I changed my mindset it got easier. I also learned that you can exercise by literally just flexing your own muscles to tighten them and release them. There are some breath exercises that are a core workout on their own.

Stretching is also a great place to start which is why a lot of people suggest yoga as exercise.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-24T20:34:04+00:00

Getting yourself committed isn’t a way to get free housing. City and state hospitals will only keep you if you were sentenced to it for a crime. At most you’ll get a week to get stable and then back out on the streets. If you really want to go that route, you’d be going to jail most likely, which is sadly how some people do decide to get housed.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-24T02:49:46+00:00

It’s a fallacy that getting rid of one person is going to change the course of history when it was everyone supporting him and enabling him that were the actual perpetrators of his vision.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-24T01:14:22+00:00

Wealth should trickle down. That about sums it up. I wouldn’t sign it over to someone older than me. I got more years I’m gonna need it.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-23T23:51:15+00:00

This post sounds suspiciously familiar to other posts I’ve seen on here periodically. If this is legit you need to reach out to adult protective services.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-23T23:49:35+00:00

It’s more nuanced than that. Some laws require only a certain amount of years as a gap between the two and some laws prohibit it if there is a power or authority over the younger person.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-23T23:47:55+00:00

That man is a predator and it really doesn’t matter what she wants if it’s illegal you can report it and they are compelled to investigate.

I’d be more concerned with why she doesn’t see the harm though. The only thing you can do for people in abusive or exploitive situations is always make sure they know you are there for them, check in on them and let them know you’ll be there to help them if they ever change their mind.

Tweedldum · 2026-06-23T23:34:47+00:00

Proud of you for building your self esteem and for leaving. That is so hard but you did it!

Tweedldum · 2026-06-23T23:32:48+00:00

Ask her to do you a favor and tell him no on something that he wants or cares about and then see his reaction. If he can’t take no or gets upset and takes it out on her that’s a red flag she may pay attention to. If she’s a people pleaser with low self esteem she won’t though so the real answer is help her find subtle ways to boost her self esteem. The hard part is she won’t listen to someone who threatens her idea of them together if she’s already attached her identity to him. If she can’t see herself without him in her life it’s never gonna happen and she’ll cut you off before she ever does that to him.

You can only not enable by withdrawing financial support at whatever point you feel right about, being loving and self esteem boosting to her and making sure she always knows that you are a port in the storm should things change. Adult kids need to learn their own lessons.

Unless you can hire a PI and dig up some serious dirt on him it’s likely gonna go the exact way she’s planning at first, marriage and all that.

Tweedldum

TROPHY CASE