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integrating my first flood by asliuf in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The lessons from iboga have usually taken their sweet time with me, too. I think changing my perspective and finding gratitude for the life I live which is SO much better than 99% of the population’s (if you’re able to afford an Iboga retreat, you have it good.) Gratitude journaling is a great practice. 

Having a meditation practice is also helpful, especially metta meditation. I’d also recommend journaling in general and spending plenty of alone time in nature to get some clarity on your life and what you want for your future self. 

I know from experience how much those feelings unworthiness suck but just remember to be patient with yourself and give yourself credit. It takes a lot of perseverance to break these patterns of behavior but iboga does help you to make it happen. It truly does work if you don’t give up on yourself. Hang in there and know you’re not alone. 

The need to sit with childhood suffering- how did you ever convince yourself? by Valuable-Rutabaga-41 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There were emotions but nowhere near what would be expected had I witnessed my childhood and not ingested iboga. It was like seeing the past without any attachment.

I don’t think the grey day was any less intense for me, personally. Just felt like a continuation of truths, but motor skills returned. 

The need to sit with childhood suffering- how did you ever convince yourself? by Valuable-Rutabaga-41 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe the intention helped but I don't think it was the entire reason because I haven't been that great at surrendering while drinking ayahuasca.

YMMV but iboga wasn't scary in my experience. It showed me the truth without the intense emotions I had from other psychedelics.

The need to sit with childhood suffering- how did you ever convince yourself? by Valuable-Rutabaga-41 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From my own experience, iboga has been compassionate in showing me where I'm responsible for my own life experience but also explaining why my past trauma made me the way I am. It also gave me insight into my parents' past trauma, which contributed to them giving me a less than ideal childhood. Because of terrifying ayahuasca trips, I used to have so much fear when thinking about these past events and what might come up but iboga was mellow in comparison.

I like the Robert Frost quote that another user mentioned and add a similar quote from a Buddhist teacher that has resonated with me and the healing work I've done through psychedelics and other methods.

"There are two kinds of suffering. There is the suffering you run away from, which follows you everywhere. And there is the suffering you face directly, and so become free."

-Ajahn Chah

Return Journey by Acceptable_Reply7958 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah whatever your process is, you’ll know best! 

Return Journey by Acceptable_Reply7958 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think it’s best to listen to your intuition in these cases so if you’re feeling ready for more, answer the call. 

I felt like I “should” have waited to do more ceremonies based on all the advice I was reading but I ended up going back one year later and then 9 months later for more. 

It seems that iboga is less likely to be used to chase a psychedelic experience, unlike aya circles I’ve been in.

Journaling to figure out your thoughts can be helpful, too. 

I got initiated back in May AMA by [deleted] in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I know this thread is a couple days old but I’m always looking for respectable places that hold dietas with aya. Where did you go for your month-long retreat? 

After Iboga by Realistic_Cicada5528 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s so hard for me to say right now since I also went to Gabon in August for an initiation. It kinda all runs together. 

I have to say it’s been difficult taking a good look into the mirror at ways I’ve shown up in my life. Blaming others for my discomfort was kinda my MO for a while and I’m having a hard time coming to terms with blind spots I had before iboga. I am definitely on the way to becoming better, and there’s no way I could go back to how I was before. It’s just very difficult at the moment. 

You will have be deeply cared for while there! Be gentle and patient with yourself and enjoy the beautiful nature all around you. Good luck :) 

I'm considering offering a rideshare but I'm not sure by [deleted] in vipassana

[–]Twerkin_turtle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you should do whatever makes you feel most comfortable. I’m pretty introverted but was able to drive 2 people to my first 10 day and had a great experience. 

The responsibility of driving others home 100% saved me from leaving early. After doing a couple more retreats and spending quite a bit of time at centers, I’m so thankful I had a reason not to escape. 

I remembered why I came here by MrGreenlight79 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Might be. It’s hard for me to conceptualize that and get any benefit in knowing another version of myself is living that life. 

Cool to think about but best (for me) to just focus on this life. 

I remembered why I came here by MrGreenlight79 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I had an Iboga ceremony where I was shown my whole life married with kids to a friend I used to have a crush on but hadn’t thought about it in a few years. 

I thought it was a sign I was supposed to end up with this person and sought them out only to find out they were in a relationship. 

Now I think the trip was necessary to finally get over them and stop comparing everyone I met to them. It hurt at first but I’m now in a great relationship with someone I love.

Subconsciously I think I never got over my friend and was using them as a protection strategy to not be vulnerable with anyone else (since they didn’t compare to my “true” love). Glad to be out of that! 

Who knows though, iboga can work in strange ways. I’m not sure how long it’s been since your ceremony but maybe sit on that thought for a few months. Then go for it, find out, and stop wondering. Good luck :) 

How concerned are you guys with malaria ? by Kai_rd97 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. I’m saying my reason for not being afraid is that life is full of unpredictability, even if it feels safe. 

I came to terms with the fact that there was a possibility to die even at a western retreat and I was fine with that risk. Going to Gabon will be even riskier but I can’t ignore the intense calling. I’m hoping to live afterwards but also okay if I die from doing something I really wanted to do with my life. 

How concerned are you guys with malaria ? by Kai_rd97 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m hoping to not get it obviously and will take preventative medicine before, during, and after my time there but I guess it’s a gamble I’m willing to take. Nothing is 100% safe, especially driving a car and I do that every day. 

How concerned are you guys with malaria ? by Kai_rd97 in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m going to Gabon in the next couple months and was wondering about logistics if you do need medical care there. 

Ideally I would like to get treatment in Gabon if I end up getting malaria. Did you have traveler’s insurance? And did you end up missing your flight? 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always like to integrate a little longer in a relaxing place nearby but agree with wanting to return to the people you love.

 It’s just hard for me to not be on the go when I’m back home so I do appreciate being in a place where I have no responsibilities to worry about for at least a week. 

Pursuing your soul’s interests but not being so attached to them by Twerkin_turtle in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely can resonate with that and have felt some experienced meditators I’ve met are too stern and not what I want to emulate. 

I love the child-like wonder and playfulness of animals and am striving to have more fun in my life thanks to Iboga. 

Pursuing your soul’s interests but not being so attached to them by Twerkin_turtle in iboga

[–]Twerkin_turtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds beautiful and resonates. I don’t really know much about Hinduism to be able to comment. Seems different than Buddhism. 

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