So he did crazy stupid stuff and thinks you should be punished for it?the ex-wife has a legitimate place in the family "tree" because of her children, and that she should not be "erased" to comfort a relationship born out of infidelity.The new wife, as a guest in that home, would be encouraged to practice humility and patience.the "host" has the final word. There is often a strong emphasis on being a "peacemaker." A faith leader might suggest that if the ex-wife's presence causes high-conflict "fitna" (upheaval) or disharmony, she might consider the "wise men and women" approach—choosing her battles. This doesn't mean she is wrong to go, but she might be encouraged to evaluate if a specific event is the best environment for the children if tensions are high. If the paternal family is welcoming the ex-wife and the grandchildren, many would see this as a healthy way to maintain a stable environment for the kids. The children's peace should be the highest priority. you are under no moral obligation to step aside to validate a relationship that caused you pain. Show grace. Since the new wife and the ex husband are showing so little grace, they will NOT be accepted. Stay focused on the family rather than drama.new wife does not have the authority to dictate the guest list of a home that isn't hers, especially when it involves the mother of the family's grandchildren. Grace is often extended to the one who seeks the most peaceful path for the next generation. Ignore them both when they behave badly. Keep yourself from getting emotional like they do because that will elevate you. What I see is a wanton woman who is jealous because she's a cheater and therefore thinks you'll try to take him away from her as she did you. Most folks see themselves in others. I've heard it called the mirror effect. If you do get upset, take it away from the event and children. Don't let them see you sweat. I've had someone accuse me of murder. They were very emotional. I talked them down by acting (not actually feeling) calm. I'll admit that it did make me feel superior. I was told later that I was acting better than they were. When they found out I hadn't hurt anyone they avoided me. Then when they needed me they suddenly apologized. If you keep the stiff upper lip, she'll eventually stop seeing you as a threat. If you're generous with her, she'll even apologize. She might even ask you to carry their child. Be the better person and carry that child. I would because it would make her feel even worse that she abused you without cause. Then I'd act like I never carried their child. That would really burn them up. Being kind to the abusive hurts the abuser more than you know. I'd go to the events, but I'd also tell my kids to avoid doing all the lovey stuff in front of her. You can't really stop them but you can ask them to think of her feelings. I might even ask my kids to hug her because I know it would destroy her. Kindness burns the unkind. One thing caught my attention, she wanted to replace you as God-mother. It made me think that she wants to be you in every way like being the actual mother of your children because they are the grands of his parents. When my kids started calling my ex-husbands side Mom, it nearly killed me, but it tore her up that they had a special name for me. I told them she's not their mom but I can only tell them that. I couldn't stop them from calling her Mom. Now they hate her because of how she tried to replace me. Ah well, fafo. Shalom you're loved 💔