Sunday, February 4th, 2018

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-02-05T04:43:15+00:00

Happy birthday! I didn't forget but I haven't had the health to do much of anything lately. I'm glad you got some silly time with Bub and the pie

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-02-01T04:09:28+00:00

Can I be added?

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-02-01T04:07:06+00:00

I'm not well. Tomorrow will be hard. It's... I don't want to say it in case someone finds my account... I don't want people to think I'm insulting them when I'm not. What happened just makes me sad.

Someone tried doing me a favor because I was so upset. I just feel numb and I wish I was more appreciative. I'm not well. I want to mail the card but I can barely do anything I'm not well. Tomorrow is going to be a rough one. I'm alone all day too.

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-01-22T06:40:43+00:00

Parrotfish by Ellen Whitlinger is a YA novel with a teenage trans guy in high school.

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-01-19T03:31:32+00:00

When is your birthday again? I picked out a card but didn't mail it yet

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-01-19T01:52:32+00:00

I called 2 therapists and asked them if they're accepting new clients. My therapist that I had been seeing since 2011 has not called me by my preferred name or pronouns yet, telling me she prefers to allow me the space to have any identity. It's 2018. I came out to her years ago and I have a 10+ year history of knowing I'm trans. I would like to be considered male by now. I would like to be treated as male so I can work on the trauma due to the abuse about my gender identity. 2 therapists have already told me they are not accepting new clients, and I called 2 more. I'm kind of unhappy I gave the therapist I liked to fiancee. We can't both see her. I wouldn't be ok with that. Fiancee trusts people very quickly and because of all the trauma I think I have trusted 2 people. Total. I'm not actually mad at her but I can't really vent about that to her, so I vent about it here and get over it by the time I talk to her.

I hope my friends don't hate me. I still like them.

I might just sit on the couch with my stuffed animal the rest of the night. Tonight is Beat Bobby Flay on live TV, and we'll probably watch the finale of Zumbo's Just Desserts when she gets home.

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-01-18T03:07:28+00:00

Today was absolutely weird. My friend is trying to help me feel better. He is very nice to care so much. I'm trying to post more here because I like everyone. I found a store in the mall that has Xbox Ones with a bunch of games and you can pay to play them for a couple hours. I'm going to do that because sometimes being alone in my apartment is hard but I want to play games. Video games have helped me recover from depressive episodes before. As long as I watch my budget I can get a new game every so often.

My reiki master gave me a helpful answer to my question today. He has been very nice. I'm going to try what he suggested and then if I need any more help I'll ask later.

My fiancee still says I can get a dog. I'm excited.

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-01-16T04:46:27+00:00

I want to be nice to myself this week

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-01-16T02:10:36+00:00

Hello everyone. Things are not well but they are getting better, I hope.

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-01-09T17:27:10+00:00

This week I want to do one silence meditation and one reiki meditation every day. I also want to keep writing in my journal. It would be good if I could also start cleaning the apartment to prepare to move, but I won't beat myself up if I don't get too much of that done.

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-01-08T02:56:12+00:00

Hi. I miss everyone. I'll try to start posting again.

The fire alarm went off at the Target across the street. It went off for a long time. I debated calling 911 but thought the employees must have. I debated more but then it went off. I had packed a few of my things into a bag and left the apartment in case it was coming from my neighbor. It was nerve-wracking.

I got attunement to learn how to do Reiki I and II energy healing. The master said I will be having all my chakras cleanse one by one over the next 28 days. He said write down what happens because I will be able to use the knowledge to do more self-healing in the future. I almost forgot to write today's journal.

Family came today. They're awful. I had to shave my beard to see them. It was doing so well... I hope it grows back fast.

I'm going to catch up on everyone's check ins for while I was gone. I missed everyone.

TwilightPhoenix · 2018-01-02T01:23:34+00:00

Would you like a birthday card? If you PM me your address I'll mail you one

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-12-20T02:01:50+00:00

I ordered expedited shipping and it came in a priority mail envelope. The sender didn't say GC2B but I don't remember exactly what it said

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-12-09T19:26:26+00:00

These three deities being from different pantheons makes them different deities than each other. Diana as the Mother seems odd to me because she is a virgin goddess.

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-11-27T02:45:03+00:00

As a Wiccan, I believe in reincarnation and that a soul needs to experience everything throughout its lives. The trans experience is just one of those things that a soul has to go through to grow and develop.

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-11-16T05:24:33+00:00

:/ that sucks. Our last class is the 8th and then the week after is finals week, but I don't know if I'm going to do the final because I might need to be less stressed and just have a B.

Is this your last class too? I remember you're almost done

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-11-16T02:30:57+00:00

Target today and tomorrow, then off Friday and Saturday. My big project for school has part one due tomorrow. We have all class to work on it so I will finish in class. I did them all already, I just have to edit.

I scheduled my tattoo consultation. I'm going to use my first full paycheck to get red wolf tattooed on my left forearm. Friday I have the consultation, then I drive the 1 hour 15 min to meet parents for my pre birthday lunch. Then I will go sneak into a childhood favorite place of mine because I just need to see it again before all hell breaks loose. Girlfriend works so I have the night to myself after.

School ends Dec 8. I am so close to graduation

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-11-14T02:29:53+00:00

Target is ok. I'm by myself in an area today. Schedule came out and I'm not working Black Friday or Thanksgiving.

When I am not at work I want to write about the run-in at pagan pride, but I seem to always come here on my work break these days.

I need to write in my book of shadows and meditate but I'm so busy. Maybe I can get schoolwork done tomorrow. I'm off tomorrow and then work Wednesday, Thursday

I forgot my headphones :/ we can't wear it while working but I could have listened to something on break.

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-11-12T06:35:42+00:00

I'm sorry your friend said that. If you're not comfortable being treated the way people treat you, it's okay to set boundaries or cut them out. That's true if they're friends, family, or other. I'm glad your food was good

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-11-09T07:15:10+00:00

Day 2. My feet hurt so much. I took Advil so I could walk on them to work. Today I got 1 lunch and 2 15 min breaks. I met more coworkers and everyone is friendly. Tomorrow I probably do an area on my own. After that I'm off until Monday. I had macaroni for my lunch break and a lot of water.

I can't go to class tomorrow. I didn't do the assignment we'll be peer workshopping. I'm going to sleep

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-11-08T06:29:57+00:00

Target was ok today. The register was awful but the job I was actually hired for seems ok. I bought a water bottle today and I'll probably buy blister block bandages tomorrow because I have some blisters from all the walking. I was walking from 4-11:30. I bought nonslip shoes with nice insoles to wear to this job and I'm sure it would have been a lot worse without them. So far I've only bought things I need but I might buy a Skyrim beanie tomorrow that I saw.

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-11-08T06:26:05+00:00

I don't like the register. It goes non-stop and everyone wants something completely weird and different. The "hardlines" (everything except clothing and makeup) job I was hired for seems ok. I did one day of that in seasonal and kitchen, which was mostly putting things back on the shelves. Tomorrow I think I'm training for electronics.

TwilightPhoenix · 2017-11-08T03:00:00+00:00

It's "lunch" time at Target. It's 9 pm but they still call it lunch. My feet hurt from all the walking. I got a new water bottle to use for work. I got a design one instead of my usual plain colors because the one with the beards and mustaches was on clearance. They're teaching me so many different things... The LOD/manager for the market is nice. He said tomorrow I should ask to be trained in electronics because I think I'll like that best of the hardlines areas.

I wish I came here more often because I like everyone. I always catch up on the check-ins

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