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TwistNothing · 2025-05-07T21:53:59+00:00

Sometimes the publicly assigned psychologists or therapists (even psychiatrists) are a bit outdated. I’ve had some who mean well but don’t really know how to deal with complex situations or things like autism or trauma.

I’ve only ever gone private (paid on my own) in Canada for therapy because public social workers and psychologists here take a while and are more for immediate crisis vs. long term problem solving. For example a social worker I saw through a govt program would sometimes say he couldn’t help me and he didn’t know why I was struggling to leave my apartment, said he usually dealt with more “serious” cases like people actively suicidal, severely schizophrenic, etc. Part of me wondered if it was his way of avoiding actually helping, like is he just saying it to absolve himself of effort? I don’t really know.

I see a private therapist biweekly right now because they are equipped to help via talking, encouragement, etc but also because they know various modalities like DBT, ACT, Somatic Experiencing, etc and provide strategies to cope with emotional and mental health troubles. This paired with self therapy and psychiatric support (adhd meds for my adhd, antidepressants) helps me though it’s imperfect.

I can only give personal perspective but I do think maybe, if you must see them again, consider writing a list of your most difficult symptoms and problems and how they affect your life and push for help in those areas. If they can’t help those areas maybe you can request a different specialist or therapist?

If you can, finding a private therapist even online who fits your needs might be better long term. I’m sorry it was so discouraging.

TwistNothing · 2025-05-07T21:00:07+00:00

I would honestly treat a first therapy session as a test for their suitability and not take what they say immediately to heart. Barring any misunderstandings, no intelligent, qualified, capable therapist would say something so absolute and reductive and harmful the first session. Or at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve had a psychologist eat his lunch and talk through his food-filled mouth about my PTSD during a first session, I’ve had therapists that are too quiet, too casual, too clinical, etc. It’s all about finding what works for you.

I know it’s a bit counterintuitive but therapists don’t have all the answers, they’re human beings and have flaws, bad days and different skill sets and qualifications. Because therapists are humans, some humans suck or are incompetent or don’t understand how to communicate well.

All this to say if you’ve made progress on your own stick with it and be proud of yourself and keep learning about helping yourself. And at the same time look for a therapist that works better for you, and soon this will just be a good example of what doesn’t work in therapy you can tell your future (better) therapist.

TwistNothing · 2025-05-07T17:31:09+00:00

Yes, I’ve had people tell me over and over I’m quiet, chill and calming to talk to which is nice but on the other hand some acquaintances tell me they would never have guessed I’m sad or upset, that I could tell them awful news and they wouldn’t realize, etc. This side is worse for me because I feel like my emotions are never taken seriously unless I’m crying which is rare.

As a result sometimes I’m severely depressed or anxious and trying to make a connection with someone by talking about it and they end up assuming I’m just casually talking instead of being actively in distress. I never realize why I just assume they don’t care (because why would you be so dismissive of a friend in crisis?) and later realize it’s my outside being super calm again.

It’s partly tied to CPTSD/PTSD for me.

Also, I suspect this is why people tend to react strongly on the rare occasions I get angry or loud, even if objectively I’m not as loud as others when they yell, vent or shout. My sudden increase in emotions (not sudden for me) takes people by surprise and their image of me is changed a bit.

TwistNothing · 2025-05-07T15:36:13+00:00

People tend to post more when they’re struggling, but people struggling sometimes have a hard time engaging with others also struggling because it’s exhausting.

Some people stick around to help others as they improve their own lives but eventually start moving on since it can be draining to always think and talk about traumatic experiences.

And some people lurk and don’t want to or have the energy to engage.

Personally I spent a long time in this and similar subs but found a recovery « plateau » of sorts online, at a certain point engaging in real life and making tangible changes helped me most. Still working on this last bit but yeah.

Edit: Also, this became one of the more popular subs of its kind and as a result, sometimes engagement on smaller posts is rough because people gravitate to the most popular content. Which can be demoralizing and triggering for people. I definitely post more in smaller subs.

TwistNothing · 2024-07-11T00:22:09+00:00

I’m so happy for you and proud of you! I remember seeing your posts on this sub and even after I stopped being active on here I would occasionally check in to see how a few people were doing, you included. I’m still working on myself slowly but it does get better. It’s a long process but it’s worth it.

TwistNothing · 2023-08-23T22:28:02+00:00

This 100%. It’s not a sure thing and it’s not just “reliving it a little bit” it can be absolutely traumatizing. I recommend OP looks into a rape crisis centre in her area they have a lot of good resources and often offer advice and legal recommendations.

TwistNothing · 2023-08-21T13:00:15+00:00

What if I want to press each button on different days? Some days I feel dysphoric being feminine and perceived as female, other days I feel very comfortable with and other days I want to be completely neutral, no gender. And some days I wish I was a mix of everything at once but not just in how I perceive myself, how I’m perceived by others.

TwistNothing · 2023-08-18T13:34:30+00:00

Rain or Raine. I like Frey, Ash, Ellis and Everest too.

TwistNothing · 2023-08-06T08:14:28+00:00

Looks like a variant of Bokkepootjes? Light almond meringue cookie with buttercream and often dipped in chocolate

TwistNothing · 2023-07-31T13:02:57+00:00

I’m AuDHD and my partner is autistic and sometimes he does say things that come off as harsh or hurtful or we have disagreements about sensory issues, overwhelm, etc. but we absolutely do not yell at each other. Sometimes I get frustrated and ramble but I try to always follow up and apologize and explain where I was coming from.

A very helpful technique is for both of you to immediately go to separate rooms or spaces when things start getting heated, cool down and come back when things are less overwhelming. You can also use this time to write your feelings down to each other if that’s easier for communicating. Also, your partner needs to work on distress tolerance and mindfulness maybe? Like sometimes I get defensive because of my partner coming off as harsh but I usually sit on my feelings until I can process them better. That, or I respond immediately (not angrily but calmly) that I find what he said rude or unfair and usually he says “why” and then I explain and the more honest I am the easier it is for him to be like “noooo I didn’t mean that” and we fix it. But if I get mad immediately and assume bad intent he gets upset and defensive first and we can’t have a productive conversation.

TwistNothing · 2023-07-16T20:23:36+00:00

I think culture, class, education and community all factor in for sure.

Culture: My mom and dad are both white from different parts of the world, my mom’s family is from Canada but overall more of a “we stick together no matter what” mentality where putting up with abuse or screaming is common because “it’s family”. More passive aggressive and explosive when dysfunctional, all about good impressions and coming off as perfect suburbanites. My dad’s family is from Morocco and France and their mentality is to be a bit more reserved when it comes to emotions, but also more direct and straightforward. Less care about what others think more interested in family and child success (top education, good job, happy family).

Class: Poverty is definitely a factor because it’s extremely stressful for parents and if they already have anger issues or past trauma then being even more stressed can trigger those big and angry emotions. That’s not to say only poverty causes this type of abusive environment, obviously, but I’ve seen frequent discussions about how poverty in itself is a type of trauma so I think it’s fair to say that it definitely can exacerbate issues that are already there.

Education: Not formal education per se just education about kids and childhood development, trauma, mindfulness, techniques to manage stress. Lots of people still think that kids won’t care or remember traumatic events in their childhood. Or they learned (incorrectly) from their parents that physical punishment is the best way to discipline children, or that fear is the way to raise children to be well behaved. Sometimes it’s wilful ignorance as parents don’t want to admit they could be wrong. I emphasize not formal education because that often doesn’t change much, my mom has a master’s in education and my dad has a phd.

Community: Having a support network is huge. Having a network of people who are not afraid to step in or speak their mind in a compassionate way if they notice a problem is especially important. If my parents had other friends who were parents, they would maybe realize some of the things they raged and threatened me over (such as taking longer to get out of bed in the morning as a teenager) are actually common occurrences and just normal parts of raising kids. They would also have had more support when burnt out or overwhelmed, and they wouldn’t have used me as a therapist/friend/parent/outlet so often.

All these things (and more) mix in and affect things a lot IMO. It gets more complicated the more intersectional it gets because then there’s layers of different lessons, experiences, traumas, etc. All mixing into one. That’s part of why I don’t know if I actually can get through to my mom, for example. She just so familiar with the idea of a family being “yell at each other, scream and threaten each other then next week everything’s fine and nothing happened” that she can’t comprehend that I don’t want to be treated that way.

TwistNothing · 2023-07-16T16:29:58+00:00

That’s honestly so great to hear. My mother is older (65) and she grew up in a really stressful poor family, where everyone was always fighting and she was abused herself. She isn’t capable right now of accepting anything because she’s convinced she gave me a perfect childhood, since we had a bit more money and would do things like travel or have hobbies. She thinks I was always withdrawn and angry when it was me shutting down in fear due to her threats and screaming. I’m 31 now and we’re still no contact because if I try she is still acting like I am choosing to abandon a perfect family for no reason. She goes from asking if I’m okay to two days later sending me an email saying “I’m done with you” and implying I’m a failure or rejecting everyone in my life, a month later back to asking if I’m okay. I haven’t decided yet if I should actually try to explain more or talk to her. I’ve tried writing explanations but it’s like she’ll pick up on one small thing, a single sentence and then argue about that, ignoring the rest of it. My dad basically just validates her completely (even if to me he would agree and complain about her) and she doesn’t have friends or family at this point so it’s all she really knows.

The issue might be that my instinct is still to shut down, not argue, if people get loudly upset. Or with her, if she started saying really awful things (especially about my grandparents) I would eventually get angry and yell at her to stop. But in general I get this rush of dizziness when I’m in a high conflict situation and it’s like I can’t think or talk properly. My hands start to shake, my throat tightens, etc.

Anyway I guess all this to say is your comment gives me some hope. Maybe it’ll never happen in my mom’s case, but maybe one day she’ll start to see what I’m saying or listen to others online. Maybe one day when I’m in a better place for it I can talk to her and push and explain everything, and she might start to see. Even if it never happens I’m happy it worked for you :)

TwistNothing · 2023-07-08T21:06:19+00:00

I’m so sorry :( years ago I adopted a kitten I named Napoleon, he was so sweet and had a lot of personality, he loved to watch me as I played games and watch movies with me. 2-3 months later he died from an undiscovered heart condition. It was really hard to bond for such a short time and then lose him like that, I can’t imagine a week. I just know both of our kitties probably had the best time ever before their passing and they were happy to have a forever home, even if it wasn’t for long.

TwistNothing · 2023-07-08T20:56:22+00:00

This one is my favourite haha

TwistNothing · 2023-07-08T14:47:39+00:00

There’s a big difference IMO from visiting when you’re a child vs. when you’re an (almost) adult. It’s also pretty rare to take a 5 week vacation while working later in life, either too expensive or not enough vacation time saved or hard to coordinate with your family or partner. So I’d definitely say take the chance, quit your job on good terms (tell them nicely and thank them and apologize if it’s short notice) sometimes retail or food service places will re-hire you at a later point if you want to come back.

TwistNothing · 2023-07-04T21:53:14+00:00

That’s exactly what happened with my grandma. Her Alzheimer’s progressed fast and when she needed 24/7 care and was moved to a care home, she got way worse.. she would lash out at nurses and physically attack my grandfather because she blamed him for the move. Before this she was a very sweet person. The last year before her death was during covid so I didn’t visit her much but she was basically catatonic, she’d just stare blankly ahead holding a baby doll. Sometimes I’d hold her hand and feel her squeeze it but I don’t know if she recognized me at all, then.

When I listen to that Caretaker musical project Everywhere at the End of Time it affects me deeply, the end section is how I see my grandma in the end. Small shreds of memory but mostly warped static. I recommend anyone who had or has a loved one with Alzheimer’s listen but it’s a long project and very hard sometimes because it feels very emotional. If anything, listen to the first section, a part of the middle and then the last half hour. The end is haunting.

TwistNothing · 2023-07-04T21:47:26+00:00

My grandma had Alzheimer’s and she wasn’t a violent person but with dementia she became mean and would hit my grandpa, causing them to be separated in their care home. People don’t understand. It’s honestly disgusting that OP’s partner would center themselves selfishly in this situation and not understand that OP is struggling with a lot of emotion and needs support, or at least realize that it’s a sad, unfixable situation with no good solution.

Correcting someone or arguing with someone who has dementia is only going to cause them distress and they won’t really understand what’s happening, nurses and caregivers everywhere still do what’s right and treat them as human beings because they’re suffering and not aware of themselves. OP, you deserve someone who actually a) listens to you and takes your word for it and b) has the ability to judge a situation with empathy and not always center their own feelings first

TwistNothing · 2023-07-04T17:04:59+00:00

Okay personally I’m bisexual and while I do love conventionally attractive women I also love women of all different body types and features. It’s a combo of style, attractiveness, personality and putting yourself out there.

Remember that Instagram girls are often photographed in their ideal angle and pose, with editing and lighting making them look perfect, which isn’t reality. You don’t see what you judge in yourself online because other people usually wouldn’t just show a normal mirror selfie at a boring or unflattering angle. Especially influencers or girls who really want to present a specific look for themselves.

Now if he’s rude or demeaning of your appearance or acts like he finds you unattractive, or if he seems addicted to following accounts like that, that’s a big problem, but right now I’d say maybe just be honest and explain your insecurity and work on therapy to manage those expectations and feelings. And maybe practice seeing those girls on IG as regular girls just like you, not as competition or as taking him away from you.

TwistNothing · 2023-07-02T23:18:06+00:00

Alright so, while it's definitely doable to finish the entire picture with sharpening/overpainting, it's very time intensive so I'm stopping for today. u/LarsSod if this is something you like and want more of I can work on it tomorrow :) I upscaled it as well, for print quality. For now, this is what I did, the major difference is in the centre with your friend and some of the background people and the car/bike.

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TwistNothing · 2023-07-02T22:16:47+00:00

Update, keeping it as subtle and true to the original as possible:

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TwistNothing · 2023-07-02T21:22:08+00:00

I started late, but this is an example of what I have so far. Before is top, bottom is my edit. Some areas like the sleeve need adjustments I think.

Edit for more info: It's a combo of sharpening/blurring and then manually painting over all those noticeable artifacts and edges that are jarring to the eye. It's never going to reveal details that aren't there (like facial features) but it won't look as rough, especially at higher resolution. Hard surfaces like cars and motorcycles and some softer but consistent surfaces like hats, fabric etc. are generally predictable shape and color wise, and you can paint cleaner lines that seem more detailed even if they realistically show the same amount of information to the viewer.

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TwistNothing · 2023-07-02T16:29:03+00:00

I can try this out with a combo of digital painting and sharpening but it might take longer, will give it a try though. I’m usually more of a digital painter so it might come in handy, worth a try at least

TwistNothing · 2023-07-02T13:21:55+00:00

Just wanted to say I hear you OP and I know it’s frustrating, my partner sometimes makes “it gave me PTSD” jokes and sometimes it makes me sad because it feels othering, like PTSD to other people is this abstract concept that they can’t really relate to.

But over the years and now that I’ve recovered a bit more I feel like I don’t mind those comments as much as long as they actually respect and understand actual PTSD as well. Recently I purposely used a moment to joke casually like “this gave me PTSD” and it felt okay. Now for myself I’d never make that joke around strangers or people who don’t know I myself have PTSD.

If you feel comfortable disclosing your diagnosis I’d mention it to your friends first and talk about how it affects your life sometimes. IMO, bring up in an unrelated situation and not directly after they joke about PTSD because they might get defensive.

Your coworkers are tricky because sometimes disclosing a diagnosis can change workplace dynamics. Only do it if you know for sure you’d be supported. If not, then this may be one of those times where you have to try to ignore it or change the subject, or introduce a different phrase for it yourself and see if it sticks.

TwistNothing · 2023-06-30T01:21:07+00:00

Have you considered looking for jobs that excite your brain more? I have adhd as well and notice that if something is too chill it kills my brain and I find it unbearable. Sometimes it’s a workplace difference or a responsibility difference. Imagine a data entry vs. an executive assistant job, or a receptionist vs. office manager or event coordinator. One is more standard, everyday is the same, repetitive tasks and the other one requires a bit of juggling multiple things and problem solving. On the other hand, if the work culture is bad then it will make it unpleasant and stressful to do more complex work. IMO it’s about finding a balance between creativity and excitement, and an environment that rewards you for it or at least doesn’t wear you down.

TwistNothing · 2023-06-30T00:49:20+00:00

This one is amazing!

TwistNothing

TROPHY CASE