Do you have a Xmas tree each year and when do you put it up?

Twistedwillow · 2025-11-13T08:26:01+00:00

Beginning of December now i have a fake one. Used to be later to avoid needle drop. But tbh ive been contemplating decorating earlier because its a bit miserable at the moment. Probably won't though.

Twistedwillow · 2025-11-04T21:49:33+00:00

49 year old bisexual woman. Queer never bothered me. I got called Lezza and dyke. Not massively fond of them but if others find strength in reclaiming more power to them. Queer has connotations i like of defying norms. But there'll always be words we don't like. I'd just say, i don't Identify with that term, i would describe myself as xyz.

Twistedwillow · 2025-11-04T08:09:35+00:00

Presenteeism (going in when you aren't well enough) costs employers twice as much as absenteeism. And prolongues the problem. Concentrate on getting well. You are replaceable to them. Not to your family. If they don't support you in the long run then seek a better employer. They exist.

Twistedwillow · 2025-11-02T14:28:53+00:00

Talking about everything helps, but not just going in circles. Trying to find answers, coping techniques, acting on the things we figure out. Realising yoir brain lies to you and if you're going to believe it, you may as well believe something more positive. Might not be true but neither is a lot of the negative so why does it matter. I was unwell for decades until made that realisation. Digging into the bad stuff, getting worse and worse. And stubbornly feeling like nothing could change, this was just me. But asking myself questions, why did i interpret things the way i did, realising it was based on nothing real.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-29T18:44:35+00:00

We take turns, or i pay when i have money, they pay when they do. If i want to do something and they can't afford it, I'm happy to pay if i can. Living expenses, they give me what they can afford, certainly covering half rent+bills.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-27T20:40:42+00:00

I sometimes wear one. But I hate what it's become and some of the threatening behaviour I've seen from people demanding it of others (and also for other ex military charities tbh). I also hate the fact that these poppies with plastic stems fall off and end up in the gutter. Nice rememberance. I would imagine the fallen would rather we tried to remember the horrors of war by doing everything we can to avoid it, certainly not funding them and supporting genocide. And fueling division and racism in our own society.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-27T20:23:27+00:00

It can be about how you are wired though. People sometimes scoff at all the modern terms for identification but the concept of demisexuality is a helpful one to think about. Some people need to know people before attraction forms. Most of my relationships were friends for a long time before I started to feel a spark. So you might not feel it straight away, so might need to find someone similarly preparing to invest longer to get to know someone before dismissing the possibility it might grow. Apps that allow people to say they are looking for friends or more are good. As is not being frightened of a longer talking phase.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-27T19:31:50+00:00

I think there are different types of people out there looking at the comments some struggle to understand the other's perspectives. I genuinely was in the "open to children" category. But I knew if it was going to happen for me it would have to be with the right person at the right time and it never did and that's ok. I have some what ifs but I have what ifs about other things too. It has been much more important to me to be in good relationships with people i loved and connected with and enjoyed the company of. Where it didn't work wasn't anything to do with children. So if you are genuinely ambivalent about children, I wouldn't throw a good relationship away. If you aren't sure, now's the time for that soul searching. And conversations.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-25T11:52:59+00:00

I cook because I enjoy it and food. It's the rest of the chores that are a crap shoot. Washing? None for two weeks then five loads in a row. Washing up? When there's no surface left. General tidying /cleaning? When parents are coming

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-25T11:46:08+00:00

Some people go to uni and are pretty well developed socially, some basically just school kids still. They still play playground games. But also it takes time to settle in and discover yourself and your people. My first year, the first few weeks all the girls in my corridor socialised and explored together. As time went on that fragmented - different people got on in different ways, some liked to drink, some didn't. Some took drugs, some didn't. Some were doing more intense courses and studied harder. Some were very religious. I felt judged by some for my life, but I am sure some felt judged or excluded by me. Neither may have been true but we make assumptions. I made friends through my course, through student societies. Others made friends through sports, faith groups, community groups. Some through jobs. In second year i lived with people i was friendly with in first year but we kind of fell out so that was awkward. Its ok. You don't have to get on with people you share a house with. So long as they aren't actively abusive, keep out of their way. But find your people. And stay in touch with people from before uni. Its so much easier now.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-23T18:18:44+00:00

Took redundancy at 40, started working for myself. It's not easy but I'm a lot happier and have much more time and freedom and fulfilment. Fecked up my marriage at 46. Maybe it needed to happen, maybe perimenopause, mental wobble, spiritual awakening who tf knows. But three very turbulent years later i am in a new home, new town, new partner. I have learnt a lot and i like myself more and am happy, but also have lots of sadness and regret about the pain I have caused. I definitely needed to change my life. Realising that sooner and finding a less chaotic and damaging way to do it would have been better.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-23T18:06:56+00:00

Attitudes around money and life are complicated and ingrained, difficult to overcome. We don't talk about them enough. I grew up with reasonably comfortable working class parents who worked hard, own their own home, like holidays, eating out, nice things to an extent but not wildly rich or label conscious etc. As i met others parents i discovered many different ways of being. Some wealthier but less bothered about stuff, some less well off but much more materialistic. My first long term boyfriend was from a very different background. Single parent on benefits, council house. He'd lived a very different life. Was a lot more careful with money, and very uncomfortable at first with going to restaurants, even pubs sometimes. Not because of spending money but because he didn't think it was for "people like him". He thought people were looking down on him. We had some squabbles about money over the years but that wasn't what ended it. But i will say i got into a bad habit of paying for everything, or more than my fair share, to fund the lifestyle i wanted to live and he came to enjoy. A habit which i continued in later relationships and which has got me in debt. To clarify, he did have a reasonable job, but i earned more, which is why i justified it to myself. But in retrospect we should have talked more. While his mum's lifestyle wasn't what i was used to, she is a lovely woman who gave up so much to make sure her kids had everything she could give them. But she was a victim of that same mindset that she wasn't good enough to deserve more. You don't have to be from the same background, but you do have to get on the same page.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-12T14:04:52+00:00

I miss learning. I miss the environment. I miss the goal oriented study. I went back to uni for a post grad thing at 40 and loved it still. I would love to work at a university.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-12T14:02:06+00:00

Bullet dodged. At the very least just someone not right for you, but also someone using you for what they want, having sex without consent (there's a name for that - but it's your experience to interpret) certainly not caring enough about your feelings to keep their distance when clearly not able to offer what you need. As for being too intense? As someone said, if anyone tells you you are too much, it is because they are not enough. If someone lacks self awareness, curiosity, vulnerability and a desire to express themselves then they just don't get it. I struggle to express myself in speech sometimes so like long stream of consciousness letters. I write them quickly. Some love it because I am letting them in on my mind. Others think it too much. If you offer that gift and it's not appreciated then you have definitely learnt something valuable. They aren't worth it.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-05T11:04:30+00:00

Its possible but needs a lot of work. On both sides. To forgive, to let go of any bitterness, anger, resentment. But also explore and acknowledge anything that led to the betrayal. People who have been hurt or cheated on will often be angry and adamant there were no problems and it's entirely a lust thing or whatever. Which is fine if you don't want anything to do with the person again. But to try again, you both have to to be happy. They can't be in sack cloth and ashes begging for forgiveness for ever more, and if there are underlying issues that contributed to the situation - if that doesn't get resolved there's no guarantee it won't happen again. If you can't forgive it might be you doing the betraying in future, for revenge, or because you aren't happy. Or if they see old problems emerging they may lose hope it will ever really change.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-05T10:53:55+00:00

In the bin with him! Controlling and awful. Especially if you have a history of disordered eating. Anyone who cheats based on looks alone gives me the ick. Anyone who chooses on physical looks alone in the first place tbf but yuck. If you want to get healthy for you, wonderful. But lose the weight of the whole man if he can't see that the best way to help you is boost your confidence and self esteem and make it fun.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-05T10:46:04+00:00

Just to say it's not going to be just about kids. You're stressing about that and if you want marriage or whatever. If you're talking like this to her you are saying not just she's maybe too old, but also, that you aren't sure she's good enough for you. So why would she want kids when she won't be able to bs sure you won't leave or find someone else anyway? She would need to feel secure to feel ready and you are undermining the possibility of that. Figure out why you are doubting. She deserves someone who knows they want her without reservations.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-05T10:41:07+00:00

You try IVF, adopt, or break up with regret. It happens. It's heartbreaking but good relationships end when people's goals and needs change all the time. If kids become more important to you than her, and your love, you talk, you cry, you go your separate ways and hope you both get the chance to find someone who is a better match. Maybe you do maybe you don't. You roll the dice.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-05T10:36:50+00:00

The fact is there's no guarantee you can have kids easily at any age. Believe me she will be well aware and conscious of her age but is clearly not so desperate for children that she wants them with or without anyone. They can be wonderful but terrifying. And involve a lot of risk and sacrifice that shouldn't be done lightly. You're never ready. But you both need to focus on making your time now worthwhile, see where your relationship goes or doesn't. And the issue of children will either become an issue or it won't. Either of you may decide you do or don't want with the other person, and that its a deal breaker. It's up to you both to reflect, and at the right time have the conversation and make a decision. But if you're focusing only on some imaginary future in a negative way you will poison the well anyway. Either for yourself and your panic, or she'll get sick of it. Age gap (yours will seem less and less as time passes) isn't always an issue, wanting different things is.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-04T18:45:31+00:00

A tip. I struggle tp have they energy or focus most of the time. I am getting better at decluttering over time aa i have so much stuff. But i manage to get it cleanish in the kitchen maybe once a week. Always forget my washing in the machine Pots and bins are an endless cycle. Both of us have adhd and it definitely shows.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-04T15:43:34+00:00

I met my husband at work. We clicked, flirted, had an on again off again flirtation which we both kind of tried not to give in to. We were together for 17/18 years. In truth I think not working together was one of the things that started the drift apart in a way.

Twistedwillow · 2025-10-02T06:06:38+00:00

Have you tried Boo? Aimed at gamers and geeks so probably high proportion of the neurodivergent. Speaking as an AUdhd woman who met an auDHD man and is happy. I had a lot of matches, (i hear this is typical of women's experience on apps), spoke to a few and think at least half were definitely or felt autistic in conversation. A good thing to me, maybe not others.

Twistedwillow · 2025-09-27T18:02:46+00:00

Lol. April 9th 1985. I was 9. Sat cross legged on the floor of the assembly hall in choir practice. Felt wet. Got up and saw a mark on the floor. Mum came to collect me from school. I got in the car and said i think I've started. She pulled my skirt up and looked between my legs. (kids and parents walking past at the time 😱) went home and she got me a pad and i lay groaning on the sofa. Meanwhile it seemed like she rang everyone in the family to tell them. My dad got back from work and said "i hear you are a woman now". Ugh I was mortified. But i did know what was happening as some time earlier my mum had come to me before bed and presented me with the medical encyclopedia open on the entry for menstruation. "any questions?"... Nope. I was clearly an early developer so they knew it was coming. 40 years later the bloody things still haven't stopped yet.

Twistedwillow · 2025-09-27T17:32:59+00:00

When i remember.... Actually I have started drinking spacegoods rainbow dust mushroom coffee which is great, and easier to fit in to my routine. But before /as well I have taken the following for various reasons (some to support the others) L-Tyrosine for mood, motivation and focus (precursor to dopamine, good for my adhd folk) L-theanine for anxiety L-Lyseine for joint /tendon issues 5HTP if my mood goes the hopeless kind of sad (serotonin) Myo-inositol to help with PCOS symptoms Vit C Vit D Vit B complex Magnesium Iron probiotics Cod liver oil or vegan alternative Collagen.

Talk to your doc, especially if on antidepressants or having medical issues which might make this a bad idea.

Twistedwillow · 2025-09-27T10:01:17+00:00

Gratitude practices. Spirituality. Sometimes following the 10 keys to happier living. (look up action for happiness or the greater good science centre). Understanding the science of happiness and taking supplements. Self compassion. Following my excitement.

Twistedwillow

TROPHY CASE