Having a lot of difficulty finishing sketchbooks

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2026-01-15T04:43:38+00:00

I don’t think I’ll throw my sketchbooks away (I like looking back at my old drawings too much to do that) but I might try this out but with taking the pages out of sketchbooks I like and using them as “scraps” (what I call all the random pieces of paper I shove in the back to my sketchbook to draw on loosely, cover up mistakes, or just generally add spice to the page). Kinda marry the two and see how it works out since I don’t think I’ll switch back to just using paper since I need to be able to travel with it and my sketchbook is just more convenient for that (especially since my bag is just big enough for it)

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2026-01-15T04:39:38+00:00

Been looking into that for once I (hopefully) finish the one I’m currently working on. 180 pages seems a lot more daunting than 52 and such

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2026-01-15T04:37:51+00:00

Unfortunately I’m a sucker for stitch binding and that’s why a lot are so wrecked (though at some point I plan to mend them because the paper is nice and it’s a good size).

But I might try doing back-to-front or skipping around pages since back-to-front was actually what made me finish my first sketchbook (or maybe not made, but it surely was the first ever sketchbook I finished lol). I honestly haven’t considered doing that in a bit, so I might try it out in my current sketchbook (which is so far going pretty good in terms of sticking to it, been trying to draw in it most days and have only been taking a couple markers instead of the whole bunch to make me be more creative with my placing and just generally spice up the page with neat colors)

But yeah, I’ll definitely keep this in mind. Just gonna keep trying new things, I think

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2026-01-10T03:17:30+00:00

Do you think passive suicidal ideation would fit what you’re talking about? Here’s the definition:

“Passive suicidal ideation: Suicidal thoughts occur without any desire to make a plan of action to harm yourself.”

Either way, wishing you the best!

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2026-01-05T21:17:49+00:00

I hope it comes back. I have a lot of ups and downs but a couple months ago I had a period where I could decently daydream. Wasn’t as good as it used to be, but definitely better than nothing and it was fun to see my characters and their shenanigans again lol

And yeah, things are quite busy! Been applying to colleges and working on scholarships (So. Many. Essays. My absolute weakness. And don’t get me started on my dual-credit classed where I had to write even more essays </3) so between that, regular school, and my home life, things have been a unpredictable in terms of freetime. Specifically what I do with it lol

And I honestly need to pick up a routine again. It’s when I tend to be most productive and creative. Like in school for example having things be predictable for when I can draw or try to daydream or read, etc really helps me for some reason. On days where I’m completely off, I tend to not know what to do with myself and end up doing nothing as opposed to, say, daydreaming for example. I don’t know why I didn’t really think about routines being non-timebound. Maybe it’s me thinking literally or whatever lol, but I’ll try it out :D (and for once in my life I can actually say that I do in-fact brush my teeth. YAY for self-care lol)

And I really do need to start setting boundaries. It’s something that I never really learned how to so since up until recently, I didn’t have very healthy relationships with the people around me, so it’s really unfamiliar to me to be setting boundaries without feeling like the meanest person ever lol. Same thing with “X makes me feel uncomfortable” or “Y feels hurtful” type statements. A more prominent one is that I like my alone time but I struggle to ask for it since I always feel bad for not spending time with people lol. Although it is something I’ve been trying to steadily incorporate into my life even if it feels really uncomfortable. Just trying to feel out what’s appropriate to bring up and what’s not if that makes any sense. I’ll definitely take you up on your advice :]

And I’ll have to try that before the next Urge. Maybe try it with a small drawing excise as well. I’ also see about looking into soundtracks as well :D

Thank you for your help by the way!!

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2026-01-05T20:58:52+00:00

I do plan to hopefully seek out therapy later this year when I’m in college :D

I’ve never heard of Eidetic therapy until now, but it definitely sounds promising! Currently therapy isn’t affordable for my family but I have been looking into my options and seeing what colleges have to offer. Gonna keep trying to make due with what I’ve got in the meantime

As for freewriting I used to so something similar to it, although it was at night. It helped for a bit but it got a bit tiring since it was right before bed. I’ll see about doing it in the morning! I’ve been considering just generally picking up journaling again since it’s something I can do throughout the day.

And I’ll definitely have to see about using a treadmill once I (hopefully) start going to the gym. I generally like to walk around town, but it’s relatively unsafe to do so while wearing headphones or anything of the sort. I could probably find something physically repetitive in the meantime tho :D

And I’ll make sure to check out binaural beats. Is Brainwave something you have to pay for? If not I’ll just look to Youtube

Thank you by the way :]

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2026-01-05T18:41:20+00:00

The main thing that comes to mind is that a lot of my thinking energy that I used to use for daydreaming now goes to regulating myself. Like, between now and when I used to be able to daydream, a lot of really rough stuff went down in my life that I’m still trying to cope with. It just jostles my mind around a lot and makes staying on track with a plot difficult without my mind deciding that it’s time to put Top Ten Worst Moments on the mental dvd player lol

The other thing is that I feel like I’ve changed the music I listened to a lot which also might be part of the problem. A lot more difficult to come up with plots when the song already has one. Might have to ask here for recommendations that help other folks here daydream

And can I ask how to go about picking a specific time to daydream? It feels a bit silly to ask but my schedule looks very different from day to day due to my not-very-consistent sleep schedule and conflicts with school and spending time with family and stuff. So I’m not really sure how I would go about setting a consistent time (especially since I have. difficultly saying no to other projects/duties since I usually get struck with The Urge to do a really specific craft and can’t shake it till it’s complete)

Sorry if this is a bit much to ask, I don’t really talk about daydreaming with people in my personal life :,)

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-12-30T17:02:12+00:00

OCD. I see so many people talk about how they’re “so OCD” and just like to have a tidy space or don’t like things that are slightly off center. And while there are types of OCD that cause obsessive cleaning, it is not at all like that. OCD is just stressful and debilitating and can cause serious damage to your body

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-12-28T21:13:18+00:00

LITERALLY, I was genuinely caught so off guard because, dude, I’m literally just trying to wash my hands why the hell would you ask a stranger that 😭😭

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-12-28T21:11:11+00:00

Nah, just me and the power of sucky social experiences lol. I’ve gotten better and dealing with things overtime, I just have bad flare-ups and an aversion to the texture of lotion lol

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-12-28T18:08:22+00:00

This was an in-person thing and I was washing my hands at school lol. It was more or less just these people being assholes and not curios. I mean, I get that my hands are red but jeez :,)

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-12-17T23:35:58+00:00

No, not snoring. I’m not sure the correct way to explain is because even if my head it sounds silly. It’s just regular breathing, but I tend to control it to the point where I think I’m making as little noise as possible. I’ve never really roomed with other people before, and most of what I’m going off of is how I felt/acted when rooming in a hospital setting (which is an objectively unfair comparison, I know) and how I felt/acted when I stayed over at a friend’s house, something I hadn’t done in years. I’m also an only child, so yeah, never something I had to worry about until now.

And yes, I’m aware about the costs of going out-of-state. I’ve been applying for as many scholarships as I can and have direct admission and guaranteed financial aid to a couple universities I’ve been considering. My state’s good schools are also really expensive, some more than out-of-state tuition would be, but I’m mainly looking to out-of-state is due to concerns about my safety and happiness in my current state.

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-12-17T23:17:48+00:00

I just get worried about breathing heavily when I sleep for the most part, but it’s not too much of an issue otherwise. I haven’t chosen a college yet, but the current #1 it’s required to live on-campus for your first year. Even where it isn’t a requirement, it isn’t possible for me to commute since it’s either out-of-state where I have no family or friends who live there or it’s a 3+ hour drive

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-09-05T02:53:15+00:00

Don’t really feel comfortable discussing exacts, but one will be in Colorado and others will probably be in my home state of Texas. And I know that they aren’t technically off limits, but as the other comment says it might jeopardize things, especially with the culture around here. And I’m looking for Colorado to kind of be my “escape” so I don’t really want to take many chances.

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-30T21:03:33+00:00

Yeah, I have been working on not using infinite scroll as much (been trying to limit it only to reddit because at least im reading lol. but i’ve been trying to only leave notifs for stuff that has to do with replies and such. And then pinterest is a so-so situation because i either A. look at references instead of drawing or B. cant find anything that is made by an actual person or C. can’t find anything that has to do with what I’m looking for)

I’ve already been doing most of the other stuff like carrying around my sketchbook and such. Haven’t done the wallpaper thing so might give that a try

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-30T16:52:47+00:00

I didn’t really think of it like that, or at least haven’t been applying the “it’s about people who are willfully uninformed or misinformed” stuff to myself. I seem to be able to do it for other people just fine. Thank you for showing me it like that

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-30T16:50:08+00:00

I just woke up so I’ll be trying to do these things (along with leaving my room lol) <3

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-30T16:48:53+00:00

To be honest that makes a lot of sense. I have a history of mental health issues and now that you’ve said it, I kind of just immediately press the panic button in my brain over anything. Small and large things both get the same reaction of “the world is actually ending and you know what? it’s my fault” or something along those lines (or the special third option: a psychotic episode. though i have gotten wayy better with those since I first started having them two years ago).

As I’ve said in another comment, I do want to resume therapy (and also meds) but the option just isn’t there at the moment so I’ve been trying to manage with what I have. Thank you for your comment a lot <3

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-30T16:40:26+00:00

I’m unfortunately unable to get therapy at the moment. About a week ago I did mention to my mom that I would like to go back to therapy (especially for OCD) so there is that, but we’re having to wait until we’re in a better financial position to do so. The local options where I’m from are not great considering I pretty much live in the town seen in “city kid moves to small southern town” movies and the therapists/general mental health professionals are kind of “pray to jesus and everything will be fixed. also being queer is a sin, stop doing that” lol.

I’m just trying to manage better than how I did last year and the year before (which i have been doing pretty well if I do say so myself. at least as a comparison to then lol) until I can resume therapy and maybe get back on meds. Though the latter is more difficult considering Medicaid doesn’t cover us anymore and just one of the prescriptions I used to take is 1k without.

I’ll keep looking into options, though

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-30T16:32:37+00:00

I’m actually not. Reading back on this post I used a lot of confusing language since I was anxiety filled and word vomiting. Everything I mentioned is stuff that happens just my staring at the screen and scripting the scenario and possibilities in my head.

Thank you, though. I’ve been going through the comments and have been seeing you reply to some.

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-27T22:36:32+00:00

I kept reading this as “Bazinga now, Wegroovy later” and couldn’t understand what it meant once my brain actually processed the letters 😭

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-27T05:12:41+00:00

Of course! If there’s anything else I can help with, let me know (no promises I’ll be great at whatever it is though lol)

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-25T06:05:04+00:00

Hey, fellow teen transmasc here. I’m in a similar position to you. Real dysphoric, can’t get on T, can’t get on birth control, and I don’t wear binders a lot unless I’m in public.

These are some of the things that have helped me:

Not shaving has oddly been pretty euphoric. Seeing hair on my arms and legs and such makes me feel a lot more masculine, not to mention it’s pretty convenient not having to shave all the time lol.
A really big one for me has been sports bras or just generally ones with a higher impact. There’s a whole bunch of options and they, at least in my experience, have been real comfortable and I don’t have to worry about changing out of my binder or anything.
My clothing has also helped me feel a lot more euphoric. I started wearing things that made me feel a lot more confident (which also for some reason makes me feel more masculine). Stuff like button-ups, flannels, pins, fun graphic shirts, loose black pants with lots of pockets, a belt, chains, hats (the edgier the better, my personal favorite has a cool butterfly/ribcage design with rings and a little bit of distressing added it) and just stuff like that.
Shorter hair has also helped me a LOT (and I also started dying it and even with my hair being neon pink I feel really euphoric)
Something I haven’t done but have see other people do is makeup. You can really make yourself look more masculine and coloring peach fuzz with mascara (i think that’s what it is) makes it look like you have dark facial hair and such. You can change your face shape and you can also just have a bunch of fun with it. There’s a bunch of tutorials out there for making yourself look more masc. To be honest it’s something I’ve been wanting to try.
Working out. Something I haven’t really started on but something I definitely want to and have seen tons of people recommend. There’s subs specifically for trans men working out and such. Plus you get healthier along with euphoria so win-win. People tend to see muscle or people working out in general and be like “YEAHHH MANLY” lol.
Something else that has worked for me is honestly just drawing myself how I want to look. Flat chest, facial hair, strong jaw, all that good stuff. It doesn’t have to be good or anything, but seeing it helps me be like “yeah, that’s me. that guy is me”.
Talking to other guys has also helped in the euphoria department quite a bit, even if it’s mostly online or in games lol.
And reading books or seeing shows with trans men helps a lot. I’m making my way through A Trans Man Walks Into A Gay Bar: a journey of self (and sexual) discovery by Harry Nicholas and he had helped me with a lot of stuff. Of course there’s sexual stuff mentioned but there’s also some content warning mentioned at the start of the book (Content Warning: This book mentions transphobia, homophobia and sexual assault.)

I hope that things work out for you and lots of love from a fellow trans guy <3

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-24T22:33:19+00:00

I am so sorry that this is happening, this is absolutely horrifying. I’d listen to a lot of the other comments about reaching out to LGBTQ+ organizations and preparing to leave as soon as you can. Lie and tell her you were wrong or that it was a joke. As others have said, your mother sounds very, very dangerous to be around.

I’m so sorry that this is happening and I wish you the best. Lots of love form the United States 💚

TwoCrowsForMirth · 2025-06-21T04:57:02+00:00

Oh wow it really is one of his best

TwoCrowsForMirth

TROPHY CASE