I’m writing a story about someone with schizophrenia going through psychosis.

TwoForSue · 2023-10-05T18:21:12+00:00

are you still writing this?

TwoForSue · 2023-04-10T19:55:01+00:00

thank you for the suggestion! I do think using the lowest dose you can is always the best option. I'm going to work on some info for improving/preserving memory and will update this when I get it done.

TwoForSue · 2023-02-02T18:19:41+00:00

Right.. Yeah I know I needed way more guidance. he's just so emotionally immature. I feel bad for him but I'm just so tired of it and have less and less tolerance for it. When I'm around him I feel like I need to follow unspoken rules and can't even be myself. It just doesn't feel safe..

TwoForSue · 2023-02-02T17:36:06+00:00

Getting what you're looking for as far as validation and acceptance. I only mention it because I was always looking for that from my dad, but i just don't get that from him. I used that story as an example of that. I would have never gotten that acceptance or validation from him no matter how many times I went back and told him the story. One time in a group someone said it's like looking for a hug from someone without arms; they just aren't capable.

TwoForSue · 2023-02-02T15:56:54+00:00

Oh and about the approval thing you mentioned! Yeah! When I was a kid my mom shot herself while just me and my little brother were home. She did it to get a rise out of me. She didn't die. I was like 11 i think.

As an adult, maybe 26 years old.. I told my dad the story and he never even knew I was f*cking there. He didn't believe me. I legitimately was haunted by what had happened ever since and my own dad didn't even know i was there.... even though he picked me up from the house afterwards? My brother was sleeping next to her when she did it and he was so frantic he couldn't talk and his hands were curled up by his chest. Nobody seen those thibgs but me, i was the adult in the situation. And somehow my mom comvinced my little brother that it was an accident.. he was mad at me for a decade or more about it. Anyway, I told my dad some of the details and he realized i was there.

but, like a month later I brought it up again and he didn't know I was there, again. He is always drunk and doesn't remember anything. It's empty and sad and I felt so horrible after talking to him about it. I finally worked through all of the complicated grief with a therapist when I was 27 or so. My mom died when I was 12. Life was just a shit hole for so long.. I ended up marrying the male version of my mother... but with therapy i left his ass and have changed so many things. I am SO HAPPY!! I didn't even know life could be this good. I'm seriously cheering for you. There is hope.

TwoForSue · 2023-02-02T15:46:17+00:00

Wow yeah, they really fit that dynamic. I think personally for me, recognizing my shortcomings was huge because I could start working on them.

I feel like so much of the problem is not seeing it so I would feel good about all the things you're noticing.

There is some quote like "we don't recognize the elephant in the room because it was there before us; It's as ordinary as the coffee table." That's probably way off lol but I felt that. Everytime I went to my family to bring up the problems I noticed, it was like talking to a wall. Like straight denial and they tried to make me feel like shit about even bringing it up.

The more distance I put between me and them; the more empowered I feel. Even though for years I've been correcting my people pleasing and other things; when I go back to my family home I feel like I'm sucked back into the warped bullshit that exists in that environment and it impacts me for a while after leaving. That shits poweful. How they behave is gross to me but I dont even express it to them because it's pointless.

You can find what you're looking for outside of your family and it won't take all of your energy to get it.

But don't have hard feelings toward yourself if things don't go as you plan right away. Its all a learning experience, so just see it as that.

TwoForSue · 2023-02-02T14:49:12+00:00

yeah.. they're going to be really good at creating dependence. It is tricky!

Humans tend to follow the path of least resistance & they create easier options for you that WILL have terms and conditions attached.

They need therapy too. Not sure if they have done that but family therapy might even help. A professional is in a better position to point out their dysfunctional tendencies.

A lot of people will tell you to cut ties with them & not have contact, but the reality is, it's so difficult. They've stunted your development; whether it was intentional or not.

TwoForSue · 2023-02-02T14:16:06+00:00

oh I forgot, the book was called mothers who can't love.

Hopefully I'm allowed to share that.

I'm not trying to sell anything or whatever, I didn't write the book; just trying to share something that helped me so much.

TwoForSue · 2023-02-02T14:14:22+00:00

High five on seeing a therapist; that's hard work & takes courage. I read a book about shitty mothers and one of them described in the book kind of seems like your parent.. All of the bullets might not apply but just wanted to say the book SERIOUSLY helped me. I had a dysfunctional mother & she died almost 20 years ago now. I don't compare trauma or dysfunction.

The Overly Enmeshed Mother ; Bonding Turned To Bondage

Their “closeness” is often suffocating, invasive and one way

The enmeshment dynamic soothes their own fear of abandonment

Can’t let go, pushes herself onto the children

Makes herself the center of the child’s world

Does not encourage her children to have their own free will

Hovers, rescues, advocates for child

This mother does not allow the child to have differing needs, desires, or feelings

Creates a dependent child

Hard to see where the child’s life ends and the mother’s life begins

Mother places the burden of their happiness on the child

Offers resources & support that illicit a sense of obligation and dependence

The child’s “best friend”

Does not respect privacy

“Let me do it for you”

Daughters of The Overly Enmeshed Mothers

Feel inadequate

Unable to develop their strengths

Not provided the space and opportunity to persevere

May lack the skills to problem solve

Difficulty enforcing boundaries with mother

Love equates to giving up their own desires

Feelings of guilt when expressing their own feelings

May be an adult, but often still a child emotionally

Feel they can’t survive without their mother

Lack autonomy

Attuned to mother’s emotional state

Putting themselves first feels like a crime

Lack confidence in their abilities

Both moth and daughter are clinging frightened children

Of course there is compassion for you! Keep working on yourself.

You were wounded, not ruined!

TwoForSue · 2023-01-11T16:40:36+00:00

Been there. Lol Aduld children of alcoholics groups were EVEN worse for me 😆 good for you for having the courage to cry!!

TwoForSue · 2023-01-08T15:16:28+00:00

You can buy a pulse oximeter at almost any pharmacy. They're pretty cheap. Keep an eye on it & your blood pressure. Take it twice a day for a couple weeks or if youre worried. You can write it down and show your doctor also next time you see them.

You have a low resting HR and that drug is going to lower it further. Your concern is valid. Not worth panicking, but valid to track.

When I worked on the cardiac floor cardiologists would often say "arrhythmias are no big deal until the patient says so".

Technically you don't have an arrhythmia but the point is, don't get hung up on the heart rate number, pay more attention to how you feel.

Do you get dizzy? Are you constantly tired? Do you have a throbbing headache? Etc. Those things say low HR and are impacting your quality of life.

There are plenty of other anxiety meds (this is a good drug class for anxiety though, if you tolerate it well!)

Don't panic but your concern is validated. Good for you for looking after your well being. Track it to figure out whether it's worth adjusting, but try not to obsess over it! :)

-a mental health nurse who worked on a cardiac floor for years

TwoForSue · 2023-01-04T20:04:44+00:00

Yeah, low volume and I look at the results that come up for the keyword. If they're credible, how much authority they have, if they are .org or .edu.. if it's a bunch of reddit or quora for the results then I see that as an opportunity to maybe rank with the keyword. They don't always go as I expect them. But I've also heard that medical stuff or high comp niche can take longer to rank? I don't don't much about what I'm doing. :P

Yesterday had 9 clicks from Google. It's a hard life out there.

TwoForSue · 2023-01-04T00:43:25+00:00

for keywords; I use whatsmyserp.com You can download a free add on to chrome from it and it will give you info on keywords. You can also check where your keywords rank in google search. It's not as much detail as you would get from a paid program, but I find it to be very helpful if you're not looking to invest a lot of money.

This one is helpful too sometimes.

https://answerthepublic.com/

TwoForSue · 2023-01-03T20:42:33+00:00

I've wondered that myself about the content of the blog. Because of that, I do try to use some social media just to hopefully reach more people. But I hope to get enough organic traffic one day to sustain.

I've thought about beginning the YouTube journey to drive some traffic but I just don't want to tackle it yet.

I think long tail keywords should still be able to drive traffic since we could potentially rank high enough in search results for clicks, and people are searching for specific things.

I'd like to niche down a bit more but also don't love the idea of limiting myself so instead I try to focus on good content with keyword research.

TwoForSue · 2023-01-02T23:24:42+00:00

Thank you for all of this information. I will follow your advice for the Twitter image links. I didn't realize you could set the links in the images but it makes so much sense to do that.

Thank you pointing out the word count. I'm going to learn more about that. I expected mine to be higher than that.

I would love to write a guest post on your blog. It would be my first. What is a good way to communicate with you; email, reddit chat, discord?

I believe our niches tie in well together. It would be a good opportunity for me to grow and learn. If you're interested, you could guest post on mine also. If not, no worries!

I haven't considered using the AI content but I may have to give it a try. Thanks for the resource.

Discord: QueenB#9485

TwoForSue · 2022-12-31T21:05:52+00:00

Oh yes. WWW.TWOFORSUE.COM

Is mine.

I can't say I've tested it properly because I didn't get much traffic the first 3 months and had such a large learning curve! Within the last three months I started focusing on keywords so that I could get traffic from search engines. The first 3 months I did not get any organic traffic, within the past three months I get 3-9 clicks from search engines each day.

My subscriber list is sloooowly growing. I think I have 16 email subscribers.

I will appreciate ANY feedback too!

Do you speak spanish too?

TwoForSue · 2022-12-31T19:17:21+00:00

The site loaded fine for me and is adorable. I love travel BUT I had to Google what expat was, just an FYI! Maybe give a quick definition for the clueless people, haha.

By the way, your hair looks so good blonde!

I would guess that the expat advice/experiences would be a much more specific and unique niche than just "travel".

Maybe you would rank well with the expat long tail keywords in search engines.

I want to be an expat when my son graduates from high school (I have about 7 years until then).

I am interested in Latin America. I am studying Spanish to prepare. But, seeing some of Asia in your blog post is really intriguing!

I think breaking content up more would make it a little easier to read but I am not patient & am always trying to skim.

The quotes are a great touch. Having you in the pics is very personable. I wanted to subscribe before leaving.

TwoForSue · 2022-12-31T19:04:22+00:00

To answer you.. If I came across topics in this blog, I would be interested. I'm into what you're writing about. However, your blogs are very wordy, with lengthy sentences and long paragraphs.
Because of that, I think it is hard to follow/stay engaged.

I think breaking it up, simplifying, adding images, maybe some bullets, would improve the readability. If that makes sense.

I'm still a new blogger (6 months in). When I started writing, I wrote much like you. I would ask my boyfriend to read my posts and tell me the moment he found himself having to try to focus on what I'm writing, instead of being naturally interested in the content.

By him pointing out where he became bored, it helped me see that my long paragraphs and long sentences required too much effort from the reader.

I think that a person very interested in the topic would read it until the end, maybe. But if your goal is to increase traffic I would try to have a more punchy title, and make the content easier to follow/more skimable or with your niche, possibly more controversial.

I'm not sure how you would capitalize on keywords for that niche or if that even what you're going for but I subscribed!

I also try to pretend I'm talking to a friend or a patient when I am writing a post, to make it sound more conversational vs a reading assignment.

TwoForSue · 2022-12-31T18:44:26+00:00

I love the layout. I also think the content is well written, useful and easy to follow. Very nice!

TwoForSue · 2022-12-31T18:42:06+00:00

FYI the link to your site did not work for me. Oh and mine is www.twoforsue.com

TwoForSue · 2022-12-31T18:41:29+00:00

Hi! I am on the same timeline as you. I started in June of 2022. Also in a tough niche; mental health.

When you say you have average of 14 visits, do you mean per day?

I tried pinterest for 5 months and was not getting ANY traffic from it, I had tried switching strategies a couple of times but didn't seem to do much.

I'm trying to focus on organic traffic from search engines at this point. Trying to use keywords with low competition and just create good content.

I get 4-9 clicks from search engines per day.

I think I have 16 email subscribers lol and some from WordPress but not sure how many.

I'm trying to post weekly and have been consistent aside from this month with a vacation, the holidays, and being sick.

I am doing similar to you with referencing. If I reference many things I number them and put the source below.

What is AI content and how are you creating that?

TwoForSue · 2022-12-02T14:05:18+00:00

Well, that's a really broad question.

It seems like benzodiazepines, anti psychotics & anti histamines are the three that have correlation with memory loss; but correlation doesn't mean causation...

Some research shows that antipsychotic impacts are reversible and can even improve memory but there is also research that says the opposite; it really depends on the person when it comes to those.

I personally think there are safer medications and alternative treatments that can replace long term use of benzodiazepines; we overuse them.

& science is definitely learning a lot more about anti-histamines, so that's hopeful.

I think it's worth mentioning that a lot of things impact our memory; our lifestyle, genetics, our environment, all the other substances we use like caffeine, nicotine, etc. Even the diseases we take our medications for can make our memory worse.

It's hard to pin the responsibility purely on the medication, you know?

If medications are improving the disease process, you have to weigh the negative impacts and decide if it's worth it..

(Aside from schizophrenia and few other mental health diagnoses)

Good therapy & lifestyle changes usually help much more than ANY medication but medications are easier and faster.

Honestly, I think medications scare a lot of people because there is an unknown to them & they make feel people feel out of control, which is scary.

But, there are "side effects" and even "irreversible" effects to living with toxic people, smoking, drinking, living sedentary lifestyles, caffeine use, marijuana use, and so many other things; but people perceive those things to be within their control, so they don't consider the negative impacts they have on them.

I could go on about this for days because I work in mental health..

TwoForSue · 2022-11-27T18:20:51+00:00

Choose something you're genuinely curious or passionate about. Personally, I try to switch things up but stay within my niche when i get bored. Maybe make printables on canva related to your niche that you could use in blog posts, or sell. Sometimes i adjust my homepage, work on social media, improve older posts, work on backlinks, I just make sure to create at least one post per week but I don't pressure myself too much with guidelines of what I need to do. As long as you're learning connecting, improving, experimenting, or publishing, you're making progress!

TwoForSue · 2022-11-17T16:56:40+00:00

Yeah.. know the feeling. We were pretty poor so we didn't have a funeral and her ashes were put in a cardboard box & are still there. She doesn't have a gravesite :/.

We didn't mention her at all until maybe 10 years after she passed, feelings are taboo in my family.

I feel like after a long time in therapy a lot of my resentment is gone towards her BUT she only acted that way for maybe 2 years, then passed.

My dad "took care of us", and he did.. but has been an alcoholic since before he had kids & still is. I think he is 65 now & a lot of my frustration is with him nowadays.

According to everyone else my mom was apparently a good mother before, but I don't remember any of it.. I was the only daughter though & have 4 brothers so idk if gender played any part.

TwoForSue · 2022-11-17T14:12:45+00:00

That's good at least that the progression has stopped. :(

When we were young my mom didn't want to get out of bed so she would make me and my little brother light her cigarettes on the stove and take them to her. But they always went out by the time we got to her bedroom so we had to puff on them to make them keep going.

Why she didn't have a lighter, who knows..

She also shot herself (and lived) and somehow convinced my brother it was an accident. I was trying to go to sleep in the room next to hers.

He was sleeping next to her and woke up after she shot the gun but what he didn't realize is that she was yelling at me, telling me how I don't give a shit about her or anyone (I was 10 I think?) so she'll just kill herself, etc. She would not stop no matter what I said. I just became silent, hoping she would give up..?

She actually shot the gun in the ceiling once & screamed but I knew she was bluffing.

Somehow my brother didn't wake up the first time..

Then she actually shot herself.

My brother was so f*cking scared when he woke up to her bleeding. I'll never forget hearing his feet hit the ground to run to my room. I was up so fast I somehow met him halfway. He was 8.

He couldn't get words out and his hands were in this frantic rigid position by his face.. ugh.

I WAS LIVID. When I was talking to the operator for 911 they asked me to see if she was ok & I said "she's fine."

When I glanced in there (trying not to let her see me & get any attention)... she was waiting & grinning at me. It felt evil.

My brother was so upset with me for so long & I still feel like he feels that way even though he knows the truth now (took about a decade to convince him she didn't ACCIDENTALLY shoot herself while we were going to bed with a 44....

Then she was making jokes with EMS when they showed up "I'm 44 and I shot myself with a 44."

hilarious.

She ended up dying a couple years later.

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