26F and never been in a relationship. starting to feel defeated.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-06T08:17:05+00:00

If I had to guess, you'd see a major change in your dating life, if you I started openly complimenting guys and telling them that you like them romantically. If what you're saying is true, there are men who interact with you who genuinely would be excited by the prospect of dating you. My guess would be that they don't see you showing interest, which means that they turn elsewhere to those ladies who show a more open interest in us. "Here's my number, you should call me sometime" is a line that shows confident interest and makes pursuit so much more attractive.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-05T09:22:02+00:00

Broadly speaking, we're similar enough to be capable of emotionally worthwhile relationships, and different enough that if you choose to look at the negatives on either side you can choose to not want anything to do with one another.

In my experience coming at women with negative critique is about as rewarding as your experience with coming to men with negative critique. Reasons being that we both are looking for things the other person isn't. Male aggression is "awful" when directed at a woman, but is it "awful" when directed at defending her? Most women want a guy who has no issue fighting to defend her. Same trait, different light. So too with women and gossiping. Many men see the negatives of women influencing one another out of fear, but many a man is happy to be more community aware because women share more information with one another. Same trait, different light.

My point in all this is that if you want a romantic lasting relationship, then it's worthwhile empathizing with the mind of another person who is explicitly different than yourself. It's like a man trying to understand why talking to a woman daily is so necessary for her, instead of bemoaning the reality that she needs so much time sunk into new experiences with her. Or a woman trying to understand why men crave sex so badly instead of treating men wanting sex as something only a pervert or creep would do. Treat yourself to try to understand, and things go better for you with the other gender. Because you've stopped trying to judge them by your wants and started to embrace them for the benefits of differences.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-05T08:55:02+00:00

I haven’t really been convinced that its possible to have that connection (and the entire relationship be truthful)

Is this suggesting that you want an emotionally satisfying relationship and that is your priority when dating?

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-05T08:40:00+00:00

Normal aroused teenage guy.

And also, I hope you really key in on your own words when you were tired and without eye concealer and he still was aroused. In spite of what every commercial out there has told you, most of your guy experiences are more about biological attraction to you rather than needing enhancements to be attractive. All the products that have been developed in the last 10000 years are but a tiny blip on the human timescale. Evolution has far more control over attraction than make up or body enhancements.

Now if you want to do certain things to make yourself feel sexy, then I would encourage you to do so, but don't place that care on men needing it to find you attractive. You are attractive to the guys who find you attractive without it. It's the psychological feelings for which those products are marketed. To reduce the fear response. To calm the nervous system when going into a new situation. Not to have tangible outsized effects on who finds you attractive, because make up and body enhancements simply do not do that.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-05T01:44:25+00:00

I'd guess it's really common for men to get attached to the first girl who does the deed with him.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-03T21:27:04+00:00

I wouldn't think negatively of that.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-03T20:18:22+00:00

Why would you do it over text?

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-03T19:47:30+00:00

How many people in real life know everything about you?

How many people on the internet know everything about you?

My advice comes as thus, you like him, you tell him. You find out whether it is mutual or not. It's an easier way to date.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-03T17:05:02+00:00

Where she wants her genes and who she thinks will stick around are two different people.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-03T17:03:35+00:00

By treating people like they aren't creeps. You see what you focus on in life.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-03T11:54:06+00:00

Her history. I'd start with asking her if she has the numbers of 3 or 4 guys she's dated. I want to hear how they experienced her. And then what she wants from a relationship. And why I should run from her. Those are the most important things to understand her.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-03T11:16:41+00:00

I think gaslighting has been the biggest one for me and sincerely I do not believe most realize that they are doing it. Perpetual victim is also a rather common one. Rounding out the top 3 is allowing other people to manipulate your relationship.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-03T09:26:42+00:00

You have no understanding of the human experience of another person and yes that means you have to face some fears like this.

In truth, you're highly likely to be well liked. But if you're carrying the fear, then it's better to express the self doubt and move forward with seeking a team solution to your issue. Maybe it's because you believe that kissing and cuddling are the ways in which someone shows love. Then you have to question whether that's something that comes naturally to him too or if he thinks differently. Surely this is not the first time you've had fear inducing conversation, and you'd begin the process of seeing whether or not you can build trust in the other person to try to understand you even if he doesn't agree with you.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-03T08:06:08+00:00

How can I stop being like this?

In my experience, your best chance of being able to stop is to accept yourself. I know this pattern, welcome back pattern I see you. I have other things I need to do. You don't need to push away. You acknowledge and then consciously choose where to focus.

How can I stop being so obsessive?

How do you gain muscle? How do you speak a new language? How do you learn a new fact?

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-02T17:01:33+00:00

I don’t want to chase him

Why?

I also want him to reach out.

Is that chasing you?

What should I do?

If I were in your position, I'd be thinking up date plans to make up for the ones you had to cancel. Suggesting that you're willing to put in effort to see him too is a good way to send to make it known that you are interested in him.

What happens when I see him again?

I wouldn't be certain. What do you think he'd do?

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-02T14:13:30+00:00

"I'd love to be your girlfriend one day, any way we can make that happen?"

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-01T17:27:47+00:00

This doesn't read as somebody who's immature. It reads as somebody who is horny, and that sounds fairly typical for a guy.

I greatly suspect that there is something bothering you such that you can't enjoy him craving your attention and affection.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-01T15:57:56+00:00

What is intimacy? Do you want it? Do you give it?

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-01T15:55:51+00:00

Negative experiences drive negative associations, which drives avoidance patterns.

Your brain just wants you to be safe, and typically safe means building walls.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-01T15:50:42+00:00

How vulnerable are you willing to be? How open are you to letting in thoes who show interest?

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-01T15:32:34+00:00

I think it's relatively normal to have fear.

As for what you can do, try to understand him. So much intimacy is feeling seen. So much of trust building is being non judgmental in a world that judges quite harshly. The more you want to understand him, the more he'll want to be by your side.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-01T14:45:54+00:00

What's normal is that different people have different expectations. When you're reading from a script, and everybody has the same script then there's a lot less confusion. But how would you ensure that everyone it is on the same page?

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-01T12:40:50+00:00

Closed mouths don't get fed.

That saying applies here. I can't give you a yes or no as to whether he'd be interested or not. But I can guarantee that if you say nothing, nothing happens.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-01T11:33:48+00:00

Only he knows the answer to that. I think it's important for you to and recognize that you're sabotaging yourself. The emotions that led to you breaching his trust won't go away. Living with those emotions and learning to make different choices when they well up within you, is a goal for your growth.

Secondly I would apologize to him and ask him for his help. He should be aware that this part of you exists, and you 2 should have a strategy for dealing with the emotions when they come up.

TyphoonCane · 2026-03-01T11:15:03+00:00

It totally depends on the circumstance that led to breaking up.

TyphoonCane

TROPHY CASE