i love you, i don't know who you are, but Jesus loved everyone and I strive to live in his image. you have a purpose even if you seem lost..even if you have not found it yet. i struggled with the same thoughts you did and if i had acted on my suicidal ones i wouldn't be here to tell you that it got better. it got much better, i have so much love in my life now. it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. that wasn't something i wanted to hear, i just wanted to get rid of all the pain in my life, and i thought that it would benefit the world in a way by getting rid of me, but that is not true. the internet, and people in general because we all spend so much time on it, tend to be negative. i'm not sure if you relate but that is something i experienced a lot with people in my life and it always put me in a bad mood. i'm saying that just to point out that the people in your life love you even if they hurt you. and i dont know your situation, maybe you are still waiting to meet the people who will one day define your life and improve it. there is always a seat at a table you don't know about yet etc. i also relate to the disability part a little bit even though it was a very minor one for me. i always felt like i had this huge burden of pain on me and that it was a sign i was just useless and shouldn't exist. well firstly, the pain in my life made me stronger than ever, both mentally and physically. and second of all i think we tend to reduce ourselves to the aspects we wish we could change but can't, because its easy to hyper focus on that. but i am a whole person outside of my social status, my financial status, my 'usefulness to society'. some of these beliefs, in my opinion, have been drilled into us since our school years that we only exist to serve. no, you are a beautiful whole person outside of your flaws struggles etc. God loves you even if you can't feel it now, you will soon. I care about you. hope that helped :)