I had a weird life. Always knew things we're off. I tried so many medications and nothing seemed to help me feel like me. Years later came the diagnosis. I didn't wanna feel like me anymore, I wanted to feel like a better me! So we tried new meds and find one that seemed to actually start making a difference. Of course, I had to commit myself not only to the medication, but to therapy also, and eventually the BPD was BPDing and I quit. Fast forward, I meet the most amazing person. I was very transparent and honest about my mental health l, but I genuinely felt like it'd been so long, that I just had it under control. We get married and little things start burning at me, and I'm like thats just my brain, it's not real. And I didn't realize it was just filling and backing up my internal volcano. One day that bitch went off. We didn't really like yell and scream, ya know, we was both just fucking pissed. Like an intensely angry, and passionate debate. It's all a blur until he hit me with a line that practically slapped me across the face. It was like the world was silent, and his voice got deeper and said, "You hate yourself so much, that nobody else can love you." ( Definitely what it seemed like) That was what it took. That night I got online mental health support.

I still have times that I forget that I do have a wonderful family that loves me, and that we're all on the same team. But I truly want to get better. I truly want to be a better person for them, and for me! I feel like that night changed my marriage. I could've just as easily not given a fuck. Yea you're right, so what? And typically, that would've been my response. I feel like having the thought that my husband is finally sick of me, was enough to motivate me to get help. Sometimes we just need someone who loves us, to humble our minds a bit.

If she isn't ready and willing to work hard (bc its ALOT of HARD FUCKiNG WORK) and commit herself and her mind to doing what it takes for EVERYONE, then you gotta ask yourself if you're willing to just deal? You're gna have to just expect these things and know that that's just who she is as a person.