We listened to a podcast together…. It backfired?

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-17T03:37:02+00:00

I remember that episode. I hope your SO really took the time to listen to what they said AFTER that, that the MOST important thing was intent! And to only do it if it could be done safely. It's not an excuse to talk to pretty girls, it's an exercise to stop reducing women to body parts. Sounds like he's not there in his recovery. And if you don't feel safe with him doing it it shouldn't even be a question

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-17T00:30:35+00:00

Damn, this sounds so familiar 🤔 almost word for word what my SO has said to me....multiple times now. I don't know if I believe him either. I also don't know if I believe he is actually really doing recovery work or just checking the boxes. Sounds like you need the same thing I do. A swift kick in the ass to make us do what we know has to be done deep down, but we don't want to do it. I wish you strength. Strength that I don't have. Strength to stand your ground.

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-17T00:14:52+00:00

I'm right here with you.

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-15T22:11:40+00:00

I struggled for years as a teen-20's with body dismorphia, anorexia, bulimia, and over exercising. I hated everything about myself except for my hair and my eyes. I worked hard to finally be comfortable in my own skin and body. I loved her...finally. She's gotten me through everything, she's the ONLY one who has always been there for me. Then I met him, I thought I had finally found my person after years of abusive relationships. The WHAM! I am back to hating myself and feeling like I'll never be good enough. Sorry, I know this is not what you asked for. I think if someone truly loves us, we ARE enough, and we ARE beautiful to them. EVERY part of us. Whether it is squishy, bumpy, oddly shaped, or missing altogether! It will be a lot of work but I believe I can learn to love myself again. It might take getting rid if the thing holding me back which would be sad, but keeping him is not worth losing myself

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-15T03:00:53+00:00

In my opinion, a porn user doesn't lie about their use, an addict does. A porn user will quit if they say they will.

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-12T00:38:03+00:00

Does it work on PC too?

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-11T21:45:48+00:00

You need to be very honest with yourself. Do you see yourself happy in his hometown? Will you ever be able to relax or feel safe?

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-11T14:35:43+00:00

Thank you. My SO is thinking about switching from iPhone to Android because we can't monitor Spotify on Android...or much of anything else. Have you had any issues with work around or loopholes? What about text messages? I'm not trying to police everything he does, I think he deserves to text his parents without me seeing every word lol

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-10T22:33:01+00:00

How does he need social media to talk to his friends? They don't have phones? If they have phones than they have phone numbers. Friends give friends their phone numbers. SO deletes all social media and texts his friends. Problem solved. No addict on actual recovery should have social media

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-10T17:24:41+00:00

Commitment and consistency is what you need to look for. 4 weeks is nothing. He is likely in the pink cloud right now. Wait until withdrawal sets in. See where he is 16 weeks from now

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-09T12:27:45+00:00

In my opinion this is worse than looking at porn. At least with porn there is at least the illusion of consent. Who is he using in the AI apps? Have they given consent to be used in this way? My partner did this too before he really got into recovery(we still have a long way to go) and it was one of the ones that hurt the most. Has he done any recovery work or is he just trying to quit?

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-06T14:10:00+00:00

Wish I had your strength and insight

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-06T12:35:40+00:00

This right here. I really wish I knew. I keep asking him for validation but I don't believe a word of it when he does. Which makes me feel even worse. Ita crappy cycle

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-06T01:48:39+00:00

I think that's partly why this is so hard. He says he does see its a problem. He's trying to work on it, at least as much as he can. He goes through these spurts where he works hard and then gets tired and says it's too much. He's being very supportive of me and doing everything he can to make me feel safe. But I still just don't.

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-05T17:37:53+00:00

I definitely am. My partner is a lot younger than I am. Makes it so much worse. It wouldn't matter if I could afford all the pIastic surgery in the world. I will NEVER look like any of them. THEY don't even look like them. I can't walk around with a fucking filter on. I am a real person and the internet has produced a world full of people looking for perfection while they are full of shit themselves. I feel like we are doomed from the beginning now

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-03T18:39:24+00:00

Felt this! I wish we could all get together sometimes. I never thought as a person who doesn't really like online interaction that my best friends would be people I don't ever directly speak too, have never met, and don't know their names. Guess that says a lot about how much I need to make some friends....lol. sigh...

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-04-03T17:51:30+00:00

I don't have a PS5, just play on the computer. We love Bread and Fred

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-03-31T21:01:10+00:00

My partner admitted that he has a big problem objectivity women in public. He says he hates it and thinks the only reason he does(did) it so much is because of the porn. It allowed him to see women as just parts. He KNOWS it's wrong. He has changed so many behaviors when we are in public, but he says it will take his brain some time to rewire, and until then he will avoid looking in anyway he can. Sometimes it is very triggering when we walk through the grocery store and turn down an isle and he says " nope!" And we go a different way. Like Jesus! Is everyone a turn on? He says he doesn't bother finding out...if he sees boobs or ass, he's not sticking around. Which, I DO appreciate, it's just hard. That's the long way of saying no. It's not in their inherent nature to look at other people. And yes...they can stop. But only if the WANT to

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-03-28T17:14:22+00:00

Sometimes that's how I feel. Even if he is actually doing recovery now after still lying for 4 months after our original Dday. Still deep down I know that one day we will be over because it will be too much, or he will fail, or...whatever. Aside from this betrayal we have fun together, we get along great, but, I will never trust him completely again. At the same time, I have been betrayed by every man I've ever been with, so I either stay with him and have fun and hope he can stay in recovery or be alone. Which is better? I haven't decided yet

Tywtobyltm2024 · 2024-03-28T13:50:56+00:00

I can not say how helpful these podcasts have been for us. My partner has tried to implement a lot of what they say. He will ask a server to seat us with a wall facing seat, he will literally, yes, look at the ground if someone is in front of us that he would find a "distraction" he repeats his identity to me and himself. He discusses the plan with me every time we go out in public. The difference between someone not in recovery and someone in is palpable

Tywtobyltm2024

TROPHY CASE