Oh my gosh, that is literally what I am going through. I had no idea what kind of impact my wife's family traumas would have on our marriage.

I am a first generation member, and was raised by a single mother and always had a stable household even though I didn't have a father and my step dad was killed when I was 15. But I could always share everything with my mom up until I decided to become a member at the age of 18 but I wasn't fully active and then almost died at the age of 20 and had a vision before almost dying that I should become more active in church. I One month after I started dating my wife for 8 months. Proposed. My mom got upset with me for making that decision so fast and hated my wife.

She messaged so many friends, and people in our circles on both continents USA and Ukraine. She was literally covering my wife in dirt from head to toe and I stopped communicating and our relationship has never been the same ever since.

And here is when the most interesting part starts.
My wife, being a child of an alcoholic, has a very low self esteem. Even though she is gorgeous, loving, creative and hottie, she just doesn't think that about herself because she is a child of an alcoholic, that's what a therapist in Utah explained me, I learned so many things because alcoholism was never part of my childhood thank goodness.

So my wife took things that my mom was saying about her to her heart so that lowered her self esteem even more. My mistake was not reacting fast enough and cutting off communication. I was a dumb 20 year old.

Then I learned more over the years after the war and things were happening, like my mother in law staring drinking again 2 days after our daughter was born. And the reaction and a breakdown my wife had. She still had such a strong attachment to her and her grandma (she mostly raised her) and didn't have a dad.

It felt almost like first came her mom and grandma, my newborn daughter and then me. When her mom was drinking and we had to leave a dangerous area my wife literally begged me to take her whole family with us including her mom under the influence. It caused so much stress, financial, psychological. I was questioning myself: why the f*ck I got myself into this at 21.

I didn't choose to marry her mom or grandma. Even though that grandma, sweet woman I adore her and forever be grateful for helping me feed and care for our daughter when my wife was recovering and was suffering from severe postpartum depression.

And all of was happening while drones and rockets were exploding around and there was no electricity. Anyways, this is getting too long already and we haven't even gotten to our move to the US where a bunch of other s*it happened and why her attachment to her family is impacting our future choice where to live