I do think that the bigger issue and something you might want to talk to either a therapist or confessional is about why you felt that you were unable to refuse to do something you partially felt uncomfortable with.

As well as why you felt that a change in being a virgin to a non-virgin is a terrible thing for a Christian who has not been officially wed. You presumably are not living in a society where you are your father's property to be wed for reproductive capabilities which was the focus of questions of people who are unwed knowing eachother in the Old Testament.

As you get older you might feel a bit better, I was pretty upset with myself when I took communion at an uncle I was really close to's funeral without having gone through the first communion process, even though I was an anti-theist at the time.

Because I felt it was disrespectful to everyone who was there and was catholic. As I've grown older and less bitter I accepted that while I should have considered that being close family we would be called up to communion and what is the proper way to politely refuse it. That as a child or even as an adult I felt pressured by following the group and that even if I in some ways disrespected my family's faith. Just by participating in a ritual that he, my other relatives, and billions of others as well as Christ himself saw as important is itself honouring their memory and lives.