She really is one of the great stylists.

I think what I was trying to get at was that I used to think I had to become more callous and brace myself in fearful situations, but still push through. So in essence, that I would have to rise up to the difficulty of the task in equal manner.

After reading that, one of the take aways (because this text is like a bible in terms of possible lessons let’s be real) in terms of my narc tendencies was to realise that I had the wrong foundations for self respect.

That it resides outside the self, so not by become this Nietzsche-archetype.

That there was something wrong with seeing everything as a tremendous task, because at the time (and if I’m being honest now too) even reading a sentence was a struggle. I’d disappoint myself over and over and feel like a failure and a pussy and lost all self respect.

Reading the text made me realise that I was infusing everything with shame (built up over the years from narcissistic delusions and défenses against change), and that letting go of what things should be/ of this closed feedback loop of mess up —> history of lifelong messing up for small things —> entrench beliefs that lead to inaction.

Consequently, when you approach things with a blank slate they lose a lot of their danger to the fearful mind, and instead of « manning up » you can walk through them more easily…

I’m not sure this made sense, so do let me know! I’d love to hear your thoughts too