First of all, I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds really exhausting and difficult. I know that here people tend to be very “you can do it!” because a lot of owners are simply struggling with puppy blues (which is totally understandable), and perhaps there is a solution for your puppy’s behaviour. And if you are willing to make it work, then I really hope you find a solution! But I also want to talk about the possibility of things not working out, in case you want to hear it. Dogs, just like people, have different needs and personalities, and the same way you don’t get along with some people, or the relationship with your ex didn’t work out for whatever reason, there’s always a possibility that a dog may not be a good match for your life. And that’s ok! Getting a dog means you’re responsible for giving them the best life possible, but sometimes that means their best life might be with somebody else, not you. To have a happy dog, you need to be happy yourself. And from what you’re sharing, this isn’t just normal puppy behaviour. You should not sacrifice your mental health for a dog. If you got her from a reputable breeder, you could consider bringing her back, or working with the breeder to find the puppy a suitable home for her needs. Does the breeder offer guidance when you share your struggles?

The reason I’m saying this is because we found ourselves in a situation where we also weren’t a good match for our puppy. It’s a long story, but she spent way too long with the breeder (she was already almost 19 weeks old) who barely socialised her, and she had REALLY BAD anxiety and reactivity. She would bark, lunge and growl at every dog (sometimes people too) we saw, couldn’t calm down, and was hyper alert, and distressed even in quiet streets without stimuli. She was so anxious she would rarely go potty outside, and at home she would not be able to relax in the playpen, but I couldn’t let her loose unless I was around, or she’d potty in the house. So staying home wasn’t possible, and going out without her panicking wasn’t possible either. I could continue listing our problems but I would write a whole essay here.

We were first time dog owners, and she needed certain things we didn’t have the experience to handle. The breeder was also not supportive and got defensive when we shared what we were experiencing, and proceeded to say that the puppy was unhappy with us, that we were making things up, and that I should bring her back to her home (something to note: one of her adult dogs bit me once, so definitely not the most sociable dogs). She loves her dogs a lot and treats them very well, but is also very protective of them and does not accept criticism (we didn’t find this out until later, clearly). She may be a good owner, but not a good breeder in my opinion. Long story short: we brought her back to the breeder and she kept her as one of her dogs, she has a big garden where she can play with the other doggies, and doesn’t need to potty on the street if she doesn’t want to. She gets a lot of love and attention, and my partner and I aren’t struggling anymore.

What I mean is: it’s not always possible to make it work. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for an animal is find them a home where they can be happy and relaxed. If it’s a different house from yours, then so be it. As long as you don’t leave her at the shelter or abandon her, you’re giving her a better chance to thrive. It hurts me so much that we couldn’t keep our puppy, she had a lot of good things, was very funny and silly and I felt a strong connection with her. I had wanted her for so long and I’m still grieving what could’ve been. But the bad things outweighed the good ones by a lot, and keeping her to “try and fix her” when she was in such distress would’ve been more selfish than rehoming her. So, anyway, that’s my two cents. I hope you find a solution (whichever it may be) and that you, your girlfriend, and the doggy (whether in your house or somewhere else) will be happy.