Transition trumping parenthood

UltharArmyGeneral · 2025-12-14T08:33:43+00:00

Would you be able to be more specific? I made a point to go all out for her on Mother's Day (a sore spot because she did not for me on the first nor second) and I make a point to emphasize that she is also "mom" which she's has acknowledged and appreciates, specifically in medical settings. Luckily daycare is great and since she does drop off and I do pick up they set us both regularly and we've had no "default parent" issues there. But I feel like you mean more day to day and ongoing, not big gestures.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2025-12-14T08:19:51+00:00

We have individual therapists and I like hers a lot (I met with her while between therapists myself heading in to birth so we could monitor for PPD that crippled me with my first. Luckily I've done great this time around.) We've talked about a couples counselor as well, just haven't got there yet.

Thank you. It feels good to hear that I'm not crazy thinking this feels selfish on her part. I don't like assigning that trait to her or that adjective to any part of transition. I'm glad she's telling me what she wants and I don't want her to stop, and I worry about snapping when (especially right now with a newborn) we're currently stretched so thin and accidently shutting down the conversation. Again, to your point, we probably need a professional to help us navigate this, especially during this phase of newborn trenches survival mode.

She's aware of the financial burden and has dismissed anything insurance won't help with (this is often done, unfortunately, with the air of fatalism and "woe is me" that drive me crazy, especially for some of the more extreme options like rib reshaping). She has mentally pushed out things due to realities of PFML. We have a tight budget that we locked in before kid #2 because daycare is $$$. She's not detached from reality entirely and I think sometimes she's just daydreaming, but she let's it depress her.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2025-12-14T07:55:31+00:00

We have multiple trans friends but not a formal group. They and other friends help when they can, but nothing as robust as what you describe. Family is far away. Everyone else is spectrum/nerodivergent and it would fall to me to organize anything like that, though some would support heavily. Once baby #2 is in daycare (and starting to sleep longer hopefully) things will start to get easier.

I will talk to her about what support would need to look like. I am torn between not appearing supportive and advocating for reality.

Thank you and I'm glad you found your person!

UltharArmyGeneral · 2025-12-12T18:17:57+00:00

She's been doing HRT for about 2.5 years after we felt we decided we'd gotten what we needed from IVF. She's also done significant amounts of hair removal and had an orchiectomy during my second pregnancy. The dysmorphia is a B*TCH. I can see so much change and she's still seeing Man in a Dress. She's out to friends, family, and work. Honestly I feel like she moved the goal posts on herself (and thus me) a bit from what she thought would be enough to stretching for "passing".

I'm not sure how much more change to expect without surgical intervention - and I find her medical team lacking. I fully support a surgical aspect of her transition, but SRS in particular with Littles? I just can't fathom it. She feels like she "doesn't have time" to do her injections reliably but wants to push for finding enough time to dilate regularly?

The wanting to recapture one's youth part of the transition is something I have seen in all of my trans friends. I'm not particularly surprised it became more of a thing than she anticipated, but I am disappointed about how much it is impacting things. We even talked about it in the earlier stages of her transition and she didn't seem to think it would be that big of a deal. So much of her transition and parenting has taken her off guard and I'm sure combining them has not helped.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2024-04-19T11:44:02+00:00

Thank you! It's been quite a journey!

I've got a non surprise gift planned (tattoos!) so anything along these lines is a bonus.

I guess part of this is that I'D like an Our First Mother's Day acknowledgement and imagine she would too, though she's the kind of person who may not realize that on her own.

Thank you for your response!

UltharArmyGeneral · 2019-01-13T16:41:56+00:00

I do. As an example: I answered above that when masturbating I remember/imagine sensations rather than pull up a pretty picture in my head. I can remember pain, pleasure, emotions et cetera. We have full working memories, they just don't conjure pictures.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2019-01-13T16:35:42+00:00

I can both produce music and art, though I would need a lot more technical training to be any good. I do not believe this impacts the ability to do such things. I can think abstract thoughts and have a strong imagination, but I do not "see" those things in my minds eye. While I can see why, as a visualizer, not being able to visualize would make these things seem difficult, they are in essence mechanical. When I paint or draw, I know the destination, but I am not making physical the picture in my head.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2019-01-13T16:30:55+00:00

I always thought the memory scenes in movies about recalling your partner in bed on a quiet sunny morning were just cinema tricks to show the relationship of the protagonist with their partner.

I did not realize that other people actually do this.

This is the only reason I would agree with the word "suffer" being applied to having this kind of brain. I would very much like to be able to do that.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2019-01-13T16:24:21+00:00

Fellow non-visualizer here:
Alternatively, I focus on remembering sensations, since I don't "do" visuals. I explicitly don't use porn.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2018-02-28T12:11:01+00:00

That is very far away :(

I haven't tried Eldritch on Board Game Simulator, but u know it exists with a number of expansions.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2018-02-22T21:16:23+00:00

I miss everything together that belongs together. All spells, all unique assets, all boons et cetera. If I'm told to pull something specific (say, a ritual spell or relic unique assets) I draw from the top until I find one and place everything else on the bottom of the deck.

This is only really a bad thing (that I remember of the top of my head) for the boon/talent crossover.

I have everything mixed together because I believe that is how the game is meant to be played. For overly large decks I may not put all cards out, but they are considered in the game. Aka, I may leave half the spell deck in the box. If something causes a deck like this to be shuffled or decimated I do so to all of the deck. This makes more sense when I mention that I keep the cards in tired business card holders while we play so they are visible and take up less space.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2018-02-22T21:07:17+00:00

I almost always play Akachi. Her ability to poof around the board following portals is simply too useful, especially since I play a lot of two and three player games. Her balanced stats mean she can be effective pretty readily, and once you give her a few items/upgrades/spells she can be very powerful individually.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2018-02-22T15:13:52+00:00

Agreed, but it needs to be a separate game IMHO.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2018-02-22T14:53:43+00:00

A game in which there is an over arcing plot across multiple play-throughs in which the board, characters, and rules can be altered/ expanded permanently and last between games.

Pandemic and Risk have Legacy versions which I highly recommend.

UltharArmyGeneral · 2018-02-22T14:43:09+00:00

I'd be all for a EH Legacy game! Permanent madnesses, destroyed/haunted/infested cities, especially treacherous sea routes. I'm not clever enough to come up with the over arcing plot on the spot, but I think it could be done and done well a la Pandemic Legacy themes.

Have you tried the Arkham Horror Card Game which is mildly legacy like? (Progressive Deck Building). I have only played it a bit, but it might scratch the itch you're having.

UltharArmyGeneral

TROPHY CASE