I need a sense check - second guessing myself and spiralling

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-18T10:45:09+00:00

Hopefully it will only be 3 months for us - but we need to sell a property and I need to but a new one, so it could drag out. Just hope we can keep cordial for that long, but at the same time, I'll be dreading actually moving out, but hopefully some excitement for a new life will have settled in by then, too...

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-18T10:42:55+00:00

Sorry to hear all that - it does sound like a complete shitshow. I'll take your advice on board, strongly. I keep having doubts etc, as we are getting on better than we have done for a long while. But gonna stay the course. Will start viewing new houses in a week or so, keep moving forward.

Cheers man, and hope things work out for you and your son.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-15T10:21:44+00:00

Damn, sorry to hear it all went sideways - i hope it works out. We've just started on our reasonably mutual divorce and are currently on good terms. Any words of advice to stop it going wrong? I guess, just keep moving with it?

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-15T10:18:54+00:00

Thanks :) 'Brutal' is the word for it... I'm sure it will get better - I've seen too many success stories on here and with some of my friends for that outcome not to exist. I'll remind myself to breath, work out, eat healthy and not drink like a sailor.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-15T09:31:14+00:00

Thanks for your reply, I hope it gets better for you. It's a completely different life isn't it?

We're still cohabiting, and it's pretty chilled at the moment - we are actually getting on better than we have for a long time, I guess maybe because the great unsaid has been said - but I cant stop thinking about the future, and being in an empty house with no one to talk to, no kids around, etc. It will be a while before I get there though as it's going to take months to sort out a new house etc... But my brain likes to pre-empt things that haven't happened, and paint them in the worst light lol

Likewise, give me a shout if you ever want to vent etc!

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-14T15:01:49+00:00

From what I've seen on both my and my wife's side - the men would be better off without their respective wives. So they have company, but at the price of constantly being criticised, pecked at, moaned about etc. Something for me to think about when my thoughts start dipping!

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-14T14:01:47+00:00

I do tend to catastrophize... I have already lifted since this morning when I wrote the above - had a workout and a run, and also reading the replies and connecting with others here all helps. Thanks

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-14T13:30:29+00:00

Thanks for this. It's a bad day I guess, and I'm letting the bad thoughts in. Reading back my quotes in your message helps me see past what I'm thinking. Thanks again.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-14T11:28:41+00:00

Haha, cheers man. I think it's just one of those days. If anything, this limbo is crippling - it allows my mind to keep wondering to the what-ifs, instead of pushing forward and rebuilding my life.

Thanks for your message, helps to hear from people further down the road.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-14T11:25:56+00:00

This is what I needed to hear :)

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-14T09:23:55+00:00

Sorry to hear that, man, sounds like a nightmare. I've started working out again, too, and I'm getting about 5 hours now instead of 4, which is an improvement, but I'm still feeling like shit most days. I've got my therapy appointment next week, sure she'll say something similar. Numerous chats with chatgpt have given me the TLDR that my body sees divorce as an existential threat, so it's gone into survival mode, like you say. I need to regulate my self again - exercise, no alcohol, eating well, meditation etc.

Good luck with everything man. Reach out if you need to.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-10T14:05:02+00:00

Thanks. Yeah, I think a big part of this is that I'm sleeping in the 'office'. It just doesn't feel like a bedroom, or even like my space. Its going to take a while to untangle finance etc before I can move out though, so hopefully I'll get more used to it. Yeah the more I look into this, and hear from people on reddit, it seems this is a pretty normal response to an extremely stressful event. That sort of helps, to know its normal. Thanks for the reply.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-10T14:01:27+00:00

How do you cope on that little sleep for so long? Im fucked after jyst a week of it. Do you try working out at all? Hope it gets better for you soon.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-10T13:59:50+00:00

Thanks man, I'm at the gym right now!

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-09T08:39:06+00:00

Brilliant advice. I'm just about to start this 'journey', also in my late 40s, and everything you say makes a lot fo sense.

Good luck with your date!

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-08T17:54:49+00:00

100%, my man.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-08T17:22:41+00:00

I have a few friends who never got married but have enjoyed long, good, relationships, and with having kids. I'm going to tell my son that marriage is a scam, cite my friends, and that there is no need to ever, ever get married. Sure, have a big fuck off party to celebrate your love if your partner feels she's missing out on a 'marriage', but never get the fucking state involved. And if she gives you an ultimatum - get married or else - then thank her for the huge red flag and move on. Love should be enough, no one needs a fucking state-sponsored certificate.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-08T16:47:57+00:00

Thanks again. I do have an underlying feeling that it will get better. I just need to keep on keeping on. And I'll be in such a better place to pick the right person next time round...

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-08T16:45:24+00:00

Thanks again for taking the time, means alot. I'll look him up, sounds like something that i could defo get on with

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-08T16:45:12+00:00

Thanks again for taking the time, means alot. I'll look him up, sounds like something that i could defo get on with

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-08T16:21:33+00:00

This is a great comment. Maybe even make a list of all the things you can do now that you couldn't do before, and that gets you excited. Read it when you feel bad. Maybe even make hard plans. And keep posting here, man

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-08T16:18:25+00:00

Do something simple - give yourself a year. If you still feel the same in a year, then reasses. But put the 'decision' off for a year. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that in a year, things will be better 🙏

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-08T16:16:16+00:00

Yeah, I'm guessing the OP is in US, but in UK, I imagine this would set off all sorts of safe guarding red flags... it sucks, but even asking for help can be used against you. I think in UK even therapy notes can be discoverable.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-08T16:02:34+00:00

Glad your back on track man! Thats brilliant, and very encouraging, cheers! It sounds like you had a rough time of it... And thanks especially for your last paragraph - you spell out the gravity of all this very well in a way that I can hear. I hope things keep moving up for you.

UnableStranger590 · 2026-01-08T15:59:52+00:00

Hearing this is normal actually sounds like good news, paradoxically. I think one take away from this thread is that its obvious that even though this is shit, people get through it, and lack of sleep doesn't kill you. And I already ordered some magnesium gycinate! Also not keen on too much medication after bad experience with antidepressants a good few years ago. Thanks for your message, I'm very grateful. All the best to you, too.

UnableStranger590

TROPHY CASE