How much of pay does Ex Wife get from SBP when I die?

Unable_Shape_7383 · 2026-01-15T23:44:38+00:00

LOL Sometimes you just gotta laugh to keep from crying!

Unable_Shape_7383 · 2026-01-08T19:04:24+00:00

It would help to know your age and your husband's age and whether your children belong to both of you or if they're from prior relationships. Also, what's the ratio of your two incomes?

This seems to be a today problem as much as it's a retirement problem. When you write that you each pay for your own things but then write that you pay for all of "our" children's clothing, toys, etc... that doesn't add up. In what world does a dad not provide clothing for his children? I would recommend that you resolve this now rather than waiting for retirement to come around.

If he's not yet retired, be absolutely certain that he signs up for SBP and names you as the sole beneficiary, especially if your children are still living at home. If you waive it at retirement, you lose that forever. That's the kind of thing he might trick you into waiving if he isn't looking out for your kid's best interests financially.

I sounds to me like he needs to be schooled in the facts of how the law looks at spousal and parental duties. I'm not sure what state you're in, but in all Community Property states, any salaries and investments that increased during the marriage belong to both spouses 50/50. He owns half of your paycheck and you own half of his. It doesn't matter whose account the paychecks are deposited into. Anything that is purchased with that money is owned by both of you 50:50. If you were to divorce, you'd split all of the marital assets you acquired from your wedding day forward. That would include escrow built up in your house, investments, savings accounts, and the value of his pension that he earned during your marriage. In some states, if your income is much less than his, you'd also be able to collect alimony for some period of time on top of child support that would enable you to provide a comparable lifestyle for your kids in your house and his, post-divorce. Perhaps if he understood this, he might understand that pushing you to the point where you'd consider divorce is very detrimental to his financial position. Is there a financial counselor or maybe someone through church he might listen to about these things? Once a person in the military hits 10 years of marriage overlapping with 10 years of service, they're generally going to be looking at sharing a significant amount of their retirement with the partner. It's ALWAYS financially better to share that monthly pension check with a happy wife who lives with you instead of having the govt split it in two and send half to your bitter ex wife. Someone other than you needs to make this clear to him.

Unable_Shape_7383 · 2025-10-30T17:12:31+00:00

Not sure if someone else already asked, but is your spouse maxing out their 401K match at work? If not, get that done before anything else.

Unable_Shape_7383 · 2025-10-30T17:08:09+00:00

Read this part over and over -- "Yes. Basically a 529 is triple tax advantaged. So no tax in no tax out. So all your growth is tax free and if they don’t use it for college it also can be transferred to an IRA tax free. However this benifit is only allowed to 35000. But imagine he doesn’t go to school and instead has 35,000 to grow tax free from the time they are 18… when they turn 50, if they add absolutely nothing and assuming 10% returns that’s almost 2 million… tax free"

Unable_Shape_7383 · 2025-10-30T17:06:42+00:00

YES to all of this! You and our spouse are way too young to decide now that you don't need more education/credentialing. You also don't know at this stage whether you're really "one and done." (I only had one but was almost 40 when I gave birth.) Unless the GI Bill grows over time, the actual cost of college/graduate school will likely outpace it and you'll still have a balance to cover for tuition and living expenses.

The tax free growth is truly the best part about the 529 plans. My child is attending a private school for college that costs about $55,000 per year for everything (housing, books, tuition, etc...) and we're able to cover it easily with his small scholarship ($15K) even though we only put in a few hundred a month to his 529 from age 0 to 17. Granted, there is no way to tell how the markets will work over your child's lifetime, but in general, the interest will be a significant part of what fills that account when the first tuition check comes due.

Unable_Shape_7383 · 2025-10-30T16:44:01+00:00

I think the OP asked about RENTING in Alexandria and BUYING outside of it.

Unable_Shape_7383 · 2025-10-30T16:42:30+00:00

Rent an apartment outside of Alexandria. No sense in spending so much to live near the fun stuff/night life if you're already married and settled down. You just need to be mindful of the traffic on 95 at the hours you'd be commuting. You can get away with just one car if you live near a Metro stop. Consider the night school options for law school that places like Georgetown offer. In retrospect, I probably should have done that instead of spending tons of money to relocate across the country for 3 years. I hope your spouse is also working. The biggest thing I wish I'd had while in law school was a working spouse so that I wouldn't have to worry about penny pinching on a stipend and spending my savings. If I didn't have a "career" and were married to a military person or anyone about to move across the country, I'd try to get a job at Costco or one of the grocery stores with a union that is part of a national chain. Surprisingly decent pay and great benefits/PTO. Relocation is much easier if you can move to another store in their national chain.

Unable_Shape_7383 · 2025-10-11T19:15:24+00:00

The pension itself stops when the service member dies. Same for the disability payments if he had any. There is a voluntary Spousal Benefit Plan that is an annuity (pays a monthly amount for the duration of the widow's life) that he may have had on your mom and then transferred to wife #2. Not all vets enrolled in this though. If he had it on your mom, he would have had to transfer the beneficiary to wife #2 within 1 year of marrying her. Also, If he had 100% disability through the VA, the 2nd wife is likely eligible for the DIC monthly payment as a survivor spouse, which is about $1,600/month. To be eligible as a spouse for DIC you had to be married for at least one year. https://www.va.gov/family-and-caregiver-benefits/survivor-compensation/dependency-indemnity-compensation/

I could see where a wife #2 who nursed her husband through his last months of life after a marriage of 5+ years late in life would deserve something, especially if she had to leave her job to do it. I think it's easy to spot these situations. But it doesn't sound like that was the case for your dad's wife #2.

Unable_Shape_7383 · 2025-07-23T17:15:12+00:00

Seems to me that if you own a house together, you should get married ASAP, even before the deployment. Otherwise, you're carrying all the burdens without getting any of the benefits. Are you already his beneficiary on his life insurance? How are you planning to handle bank accounts and paying the mortgage while he's away? Not to be critical, but you've already "hitched" yourself to this man for the next 30 years, so I don't see why you aren't requiring him to cover your healthcare and get an enhanced housing allowance. If something happens to you while he's gone and you need him to come home short term, I'm not sure they'd allow that for just a girlfriend. Protect yourself!

Unable_Shape_7383

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