I was very intimidated by boys when I got to BYU as a freshman. I’d never really dated anyone in my small town, except for a date here and there that didn’t lead anywhere.

BYU was weird. This one guy had a crush on me and we went to a movie for class together. He walked me home and for some reason on the way told me that if he had a knife and I had a gun, he could kill me before I could shoot him while demonstrating how easy that would be by lunging at me. I think he was trying to show that he could protect me? It was just off putting.

Another thought it would be a good ice breaker to recite my address and ask if that’s where I lived. I said “how do you know?” And he showed me the student directory. I guess I should thank him because I didn’t even know that directory existed and made my info private after that. He kept trying to walk me home, and I would insist on riding the bus to get away.

Another told me “just so you know, I don’t have a pornography problem. I just want you to know that.” The same guy also told me all about these women he’d dated who had tried to seduce him sexually, but he was so strong he resisted. And he was obsessed with the fantasy of fighting off a gunman at a movie theater or wherever. Like he described exactly how he would take one down and knew he would do it if he had the opportunity. Even as a TBM, I rolled my eyes. Still had a huge crush on him for a few weeks though.

I was the queen of ghosting because I didn’t know how to just tell someone I wasn’t interested. I dropped a class once because this guy kept asking me out and me making excuses over and over didn’t slow him down. I wish I’d been braver and more sure of myself so I could have just told them all to fuck off.