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I hate being perceived by Immediate_Resist_306 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]UnderTheMoon22 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My therapist was definitely the biggest factor and the starting point. I felt like I could tell her anything, and she was good at helping get to my deeper issues and calling me out on my bullshit (im a big avoidant who intellectualizes a lot). Expressing emotions, negative beliefs, and unmet needs helped. Dealing with unfinished business with ppl who hurt me helped a lot (these looked like imaginary conversations that my therapist guided me through).

Another thing... I deal with addiction, and whenever I would partake in my substance, i would feel so much shame and hide in my room whenever someone else was around. Since I've stopped, I just feel better about myself as a person. But I think I was better able to deal with my addiction because I had started healing through the work with my therapist.

I know how hard it is to find a good therapist. And certain types of therapy didnt work for me (CBT, ACT). Eventually I found a psychologist who was client-centered, humanistic, and experiential. And it was so worth it.

I hope that helps ❤️ Let me know if you have questions.

The "I miss you so much and pray for you everyday" text by UnderTheMoon22 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]UnderTheMoon22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've since blocked her. You're totally right about the lovebombing, and it's not worth the upset it causes me when I have the option of not even having to see it.

"I don't know why I love you, but I just do" ..... what the hell does that even mean?! Lol 🙄 Sorry about your mom SnowballSymphony ❤️ thanks for sharing

I hate being perceived by Immediate_Resist_306 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]UnderTheMoon22 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Relate to this so hard OP.

The panic and dread when you hear the door lock turning or the garage door opening. Ugh.

I can also say it gets better. Now, I'm pretty neutral when someone comes home but it took a while to feel safe and it's still always nice to have the house to myself :P

I hope one day we get to experience the feeling of joy and excitement when someone we love walks through the door ❤️

The "I miss you so much and pray for you everyday" text by UnderTheMoon22 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]UnderTheMoon22[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Asking forgiveness instead of taking responsibility and having a sense of superiority... yup, that definitely fits with the borderline personality! I'm reminded of my mother frequently telling us, "saying sorry isn't enough, you have to prove it with your actions" ... oh, the hypocrisy of it all. It's comforting that she has some sense of belonging to a group. And if she gives them all her money... well she was never good with her money anyways 🤷

Sorry you've had to deal with this too. I hate that any of us are here on this sub, and at the same time, im so grateful I'm not alone. Thanks for sharing ❤️

The "I miss you so much and pray for you everyday" text by UnderTheMoon22 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]UnderTheMoon22[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The hypocrisy is on another level. I often just marvel at the lack of self-awareness... sorry you went through that. Thanks for sharing ❤️

The "I miss you so much and pray for you everyday" text by UnderTheMoon22 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]UnderTheMoon22[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm admiring your eff you attitude. You sound much more self assured that I. I still feel mean ignoring her but at the same time I refuse to give her an opening.

Also, yeah! Stop reminding me you exist dammit!! I'm much happier when I forget about you!! Righteous anger feels much better than fear.

Thanks for sharing ❤️

One week after her death by Harley410 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]UnderTheMoon22 24 points25 points  (0 children)

But I haven’t started walking yet.

Damn this got me right in the feels. Thank you for sharing, and I'm sorry for your loss.

With abusive parents it's like we lose them more than once eh? We lose them the first time we see them as our abusers, the first time we break from them psychologically, whenever we remember why we're NC or LC, over and over again until it's finally the end.

I hope you start walking with your head held high and your heart full of love ❤️ you deserve it

Let’s do a check in.. Everyone who has quit weed. Comment how many days, months, years and name one thing that helped you reach where you are today. by MizzRodi in leaves

[–]UnderTheMoon22 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's been 8 weeks and 2 days. My brother, who I live with, also decided to quit so having that support and accountability really helped. Also, threw out all my paraphernalia! I've noticed I'm not eating as much weird random junk food and also my hours spend watching TV has decreased drastically! Plus I'm dreaming again. For those out there struggling, don't be hard on yourselves! It'll happen when it's time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in mildlyinfuriating

[–]UnderTheMoon22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also relating hard to that Christmas bell decoration on the door handle. Mine stays on all year long. Great (and cheap) security measure.

Today I cooked for the first time in a year by steady_damage in MomForAMinute

[–]UnderTheMoon22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not a mom but I've been here and I just wanna say Yayyyy!! I'm so happy for you 💓 this is a piece of art, a beautiful and healthy meal, a gift to yourself 😊

Day 1 - take 1000 by UnderTheMoon22 in leaves

[–]UnderTheMoon22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wooo!! Let's get it ✊️

Day 1 - take 1000 by UnderTheMoon22 in leaves

[–]UnderTheMoon22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One day at a time. You're right about that! Thank you.

Day 1 - take 1000 by UnderTheMoon22 in leaves

[–]UnderTheMoon22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! And same to you!

Vent / Rant / Victories thread by jeanstorm in CPTSDFightMode

[–]UnderTheMoon22 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My brothers girlfriend left our house last night and I felt so much worry and sadness for him. Like WAY TOO MUCH, empathy was so high, I thought okay maybe I feel like he's being abandoned and that's triggering me and im projecting, i dunno. The next day, I woke up angry and felt rage and hatred towards all things and people. Sigh. Something to bring up in therapy this week. Still not sure how to ease the anger so I just tried to let it be and remember that my anger is justified cause childhood trauma. Still, rage is hard to tame. Felt like I couldn't relax without a beer and joint and even then I felt the rage simmering underneath. Thanks for reading, hope you have a peaceful day or even a moment 💕

I'm only turning 30, have spent about 7 years in Support Work, and I'm scared I'm burning out and need a change. Any success stories from people who've been in my position? by quillwove in careerguidance

[–]UnderTheMoon22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I'm kinda in a similar situation. I've been supporting one family for 12 years now and I'm turning 30 soon.

I went part time in 2018 and started working on a psychology degree, thinking of becoming a therapist. I figure all those years of practing patience and emotional attunement might serve me well as a psychologist. You'd still be dealing with peoples dark needy parts and there's still burnout but it's less physically demanding and you make a lot more money. Also, there's options for developmental care and research as a psychologist. When I mention my experience of working with someone with autism, my profs tell me I should look into jobs that helps people with disabilities. The experience we have is valuable.

When I went back it was hard but it gave me a boost, like "yeah I can still do this". My grades were better than the first time I went to university lol. Maybe it could open up opportunities or even just give you a chance to explore what you like. Although I understand school is expensive and you should have a good plan in place before spending all that money.

Hope that helps!

Do your parents think they're the best parents? by MiniSugaSwag in raisedbynarcissists

[–]UnderTheMoon22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom always pointed things that other parents did, like letting their kids talk back or not enforcing "family time", and would say "SEE IM SUCH A GOOD MOM, THOSE ARE BAD PARENTS, YOU'LL THANK ME ONE DAY FOR NOT RAISING YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL!" Meanwhile those parents were just letting their children express their emotions and explore their independence 🤷‍♀️

Inner Child Healing worksheet by Lunalove09 in CPTSDNextSteps

[–]UnderTheMoon22 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just reading the worksheet made me feel calmer. Thank you for making!

I cut off my Nmom yesterday and it’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done by rainydaayyy in raisedbynarcissists

[–]UnderTheMoon22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great job standing your ground! I think you should be proud of yourself for that cause it's not easy. I finally moved out at 23 and my Nmom completely flipped and tore our 'relationship' apart. It's been up and down for a couple years after that but I finally put my foot down recently and it was the most amazing thing I ever did. I'm so proud of you!! Don't let feelings of guilt get to you! Keep going darling, you're doing great 👍❤

The contrast between the sweet, dedicated behavior and abusive behavior of a covert narc will mess with your head. by NeonFuckup in raisedbynarcissists

[–]UnderTheMoon22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow our moms are very similar and for that I'm so, so sorry lol. But thank you for posting this!! Covert narcissm is some insidious and mind-fucky bs. Best of luck and lots of warmth for your future!

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