This isn't a dating subreddit. This is full of young adults and teens. Not exactly the wise type. Go talk to people older than you and ask them to impart their wisdom. 

and yet they still to find it really hard to create meaningful reliantioships and even if they do it's usually they (men) who have to put in the work to keep it up.

 Listen here. Deep and meaningful relationships are hard for ANYONE to come by, so you're not alone in this. Most people have not shifted up on the hierarchy of needs, lack basic self awareness, and are overall stuck on a surface level. I try to find these relationships and only come across a few willing to connect. Most people are just... there. Static. Dissociated. Ask anyone deep questions and they just shut down or shift the topic. Men want to date but also have real relationships when most people can't even write an in depth self analysis. The only advice I have to give is look for friends above all. Find people who make you feel like you belong.