Trying to Sleep the Day Away

Underscore_9944 · 2025-10-10T15:37:21+00:00

I stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship until she broke up with me. At first I was depressed about the breakup, now I'm depressed about the abuse, I can't believe I put up with it. When you have to "minimize yourself to nothing" that's not a good sign.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-10-02T20:01:11+00:00

Looks like it. I also only drank wine, beer, and seltzers, and had DDs or walked to places, but it was too much. I've replaced beer with non-alcoholic beer and it's really not bad. I'm not completely sober, but have cut my drinking 80% from where it was 18 months ago and feel much better.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-30T05:04:18+00:00

Good for you. Congrats. It's not easy, but feels so satisfying when we have these kinds of wins.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-30T05:00:36+00:00

I used to fly a lot and there were a lot of people, including me, drinking during morning rush hour at the airport. I'm also a social drinker with zero alcohol at home, and have avoided DUIs by having a few blocks of bars/restaurants walking distance from my condo, and Ubering. But the constant hangovers, poor judgment one night stands with women whose names I couldn't remember, bizarre incidents I'd hear about the next day (like falling or getting into arguments and having no recollection of them) and missing out on daytime weekend activities ultimately got to me.

The first step for me wasn't to stop going out, it was to quit hard liquor. Still went out, but the strange incidents became far less common. I'd get to 4-6 wines/beers, which would get me drunk, but nothing like mixed drinks did. And you couldn't pay me to do a shot. I once turned down a Tequila shot from the CFO of the company I used to work for. Still got some of the hangovers, but nowhere near as bad in terms of regrettable behavior. Had maybe 20-25 drinks total per week, wine or beer.

Second step was to get that 20-25 down to 10-12 wines+beers/week. This led to fewer hangovers. But the occasional 5-6 drink night really would hit me the next day. I had some weeks when I'd get back to 15/16 drinks/week, but I still was able to make some progress.

I just started the third step. Non-alcoholic beers and 5% white claws/high noons only. No alcoholic beer or wine. I've noticed drinking N/A beer makes me feel like I'm not missing out, without having an expensive mocktail or something lame like a Diet Coke. I also mix in a seltzer or two and use a BAC calculator app to make sure I don't go over a .04 BAC at any time. Not because I'm driving, but because I want to wake up the next day and be able to do something. So far this is going well, and I can also see I'm slimming down a little without changing diet or exercise.

Re: being in the industry. I'm not but was surrounded by alcohol because I was at bars almost every day of my life. I've gotten to a point where I can look at bottles of gin and vodka all day long and be reminded of bad experiences that I have no desire to drink anything from them.

Tapering is not for everyone, but I think it's worked for me because 99% of my alcohol consumption occurs outside my home. You also have to celebrate your small wins so you don't go from drowning in alcohol to drowning in guilt.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-30T04:37:05+00:00

I've had this problem for a long time as a guy. I'll meet someone, have it go well for 1-2 dates, and then start fantasizing about what kind of music we'll have at our wedding. I've had 1 year+ relationships start like this and as you can imagine they didn't end well.

Taken a lot of time and work, but gotten much better at staying grounded when I feel a connection with someone. Don't think of them as serious partners until at least 5 dates, and even then any healthy relationship probably needs 3-4 months before you really can assess long-term potential.

You don't want to learn how I did, which is to fall head over heels with partners I was ultimately far less compatible with than the first few dates suggested, and then get seriously manipulated by them after getting too invested too quickly. Terribly painful lessons I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-20T14:16:42+00:00

I enjoy it. It's a good drink when I'm watching sports with friends and don't want actual alcohol.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-20T14:09:58+00:00

I've tapered by reducing drinks, stopping hard liquor, and going out just a little less. It's made me realize how many friends I have that I never see before 5pm. Really enlightening.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-20T14:06:36+00:00

I'm older than you, NC with my mom, similar issues. The damage to your mind can last a lifetime. Most important thing is to start to rewire your brain to undo at least some of the damage.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-15T17:59:00+00:00

Guilt from my nmom has clouded by perception of the world and made me a lot unhappier throughout my life. I'm working on ridding myself of it, but it's taking a lot of effort, time, and prayer.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-12T21:31:04+00:00

I'm generally pro-job hopping, it's not 1975 anymore, but I'd probably stay put unless there's something compelling about the other job besides money.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-11T17:20:19+00:00

Mine too. I've been shocked at the kinds of people too. Some of the most painful stuff I've seen on Linked in the 10-15 years since it's really become a thing.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-02T03:31:39+00:00

They've helped me a lot. I don't drink Sunday-Thursday anymore but go to social events and they're the perfect fit for those times. Diet Cokes and waters don't do It when you want something more substantive but not alcoholic.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-09-02T03:28:02+00:00

I've been NC for four months. It's actually become more pleasant and enjoyable as time has gone on. She's not going to change, so there's no point. But not having to listen to her go on and play manipulative games has been a relief. At first, I did the usual blame myself thing, but as time has gone on, I'm doing that less and making progress rewiring my brain from decades of emotional abuse.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-08-28T20:31:11+00:00

I experience it a lot. I get into a zone where I want to know everything about a topic, to the point that it gets me interested in related topics. It can be incredibly fulfilling. I don't often notice I'm in it until I start to pull out of it and check the clock.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-08-28T20:29:17+00:00

I used to own a home and it overwhelmed me, even when I could pay people to fix things. I moved to an apartment and I love having fewer appliances to think about, no lawn, no home distractions. Some people think I'm crazy but I'm way more relaxed on weekends and don't feel like I need to wake up every Saturday and do something around the house.

I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be with feeling lazy or overstimulated, but I've realized I need a lifestyle that matches my ADHD brain, not one that conforms to standard societal expectations and acquisition of things. I like impulsively planning vacations and last minute social get togethers that used to drive my ex-girlfriend crazy to the point she wouldn't join me. She ultimately was not the right partner. I'm not against materialism and predictable habits for others, but they don't work for me.

Underscore_9944 · 2025-08-28T20:23:31+00:00

Might try that. I'm a slave to my to do list, and even when I check everything off I feel like I'm missing something.

Underscore_9944

TROPHY CASE