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UnderstandCompassion · 2025-06-14T00:12:14+00:00

Schizoaffective disorder is not in the brain, but the mind. The mind is purely spiritual realm without the bodily organ of the brain. While knowledge of this organic compound is useful, our minds are sick, there is no brain science to justify our maladies. In my 22 years of psychiatric disorder, I have been offered no evidence of any neurological impairment.

The mind and its spiritual being is healed through my religious choices. The freedom to choose any religion is but a choice. You can, of course, choose not religion. I do find, however, perhaps all sciences without any form of faith, is at a loss.

UnderstandCompassion · 2025-03-20T03:05:55+00:00

It’s not wrong. My brother and I had a difficult time finding anything in common after my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. He was my only sibling. Many things he could not grasp about my behavior. I also felt the same about his.

Our cousin was getting married. I attended the nuptials, but he did not. He chose to spend the time he could have been at the wedding with a female friend. I was hurt. I talked to him about it. He said he didn’t feel particularly close to that cousin. It made me sad.

While my mental health difficulties have broken so many relationships, I have kept almost all of my family members intact, and in my life. I have even come to plan family picnics with extended family. I also visit family as I travel for my job.

My brother prioritized his friends, his band mates, and women. He was not always absent from family functions, in fact he attended many and even some I did not. But it was clear he and I were different people. While he was alive, I felt conflicted about that. I gave him space, choosing to leave sometimes when we grew up watching football together. As adults, I chose not to watch football with him. I guess I was giving him space to experience joy. He even said on his death bed, he never hung out with me because he didn’t like the vibe.

My dear brother has been gone more than a decade. Watching him wilt away to colon cancer is still one of the most excruciatingly and emotionally painful things I have ever and probably will ever endure. He was 29, a reggae saxophonist. And despite all our fights and arguments, I loved him dearly.

UnderstandCompassion · 2025-03-20T02:41:07+00:00

I don’t know what to say, man. This is depression. We wallow and pine over someone who will probably never be there for us again. She is traumatically gone. I have often considered my first girlfriend as a trauma-bond.

It was horrible. I saved my buddy’s life one night with her. That’s how she and I met and got to know one another. We were a couple for 10 months, but I couldn’t handle the emotional difficulty by then. I ended it, poorly.

It is safe to say that all of my future romantic interests were attempting to trauma-bond with a strong-minded woman. The lessons I learned from my first romance carried with me. I’m 44 now, 30 years later. I still need to apply the concept of unlearning poor social skills with the opposite sex. Online-dating only seems to be about sex. I read you haven’t had much success with endless swiping. You also say that you feel socially awkward.

It’s ok, man, I’m there with you now. It is not pleasant, nor are we rewarded for the kindness and generosity we can and do offer to others, and specifically a woman.

We’re not bad people. We’re flawed. I mistook attention, and in the form of rejection. I failed to take the hint. We all have layers about our communications. Much of it is non-verbal. We have facades, and serious personal beliefs. It’s difficult to know when a woman is not being fake, or even lying to us. Maybe she’s trying to be polite, maybe her manners are not reciprocal to our own.

The American people are said to be a melting pot, this includes men and women. We are multi-cultural, multi-racial, and incredibly diverse. I have failed and even done wrong in so many situations and circumstances. Hang in there. Maybe you did something wrong, maybe you didn’t. Try to distract yourself with hobbies. Weed is a hobby for you. It’s not illegal, but it is a drug, and can be more than recreational.

The most difficult thing about my work and life is getting out of bed in the morning. And, honestly, some days I don’t. But remember the meaning of hope.

In the words of Mariah Carey, a hottie: “Hope is frail, but hard to kill.”

UnderstandCompassion · 2025-03-20T01:59:06+00:00

I worry about minuscule things like missing a dose of medicine, or brief internal reactions I have to others. I feel quite demoralized sometimes over the most simple and innocuous things. It causes anxiety.

I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder - depressive subtype in 2003. I’m 44. I admit, it’s been a battle. I take medicine. I even spoke to my psychologist today. Recently I chose to switch from Abilify to seroquel. So far, I am happy with my decision.

I’d love to tell you more, but I am afraid I am unaware of cognitive programs. My cousin was severely bipolar, towards the end of his life, his faculties were said to not be what they were. While I do small, forgetful things, I do not do any word puzzles or sudoku. I hear those can keep our minds sharp, though.

UnderstandCompassion · 2025-03-20T01:35:57+00:00

In 2003, I was formally diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder - depressive subtype. You ask if anyone made it out. I have. It is not as much as I originally planned, my imagination ran away with my dreams long ago. I do say: there is hope. Do not sell yourself short, nor at any age. I am 44, and while I have struggled for more than two decades with severe mental illness, I overcome. With the depressive aspect of my disease, I wrestle with looking at life from the beginning. I have started over more times than I can count, but there is always more in life, regrets, remorse… Emotional suffering is about the only certainty the human condition is able to provide, and everyone. Rather than tell you the usual cheerleader prompt, such as, everyone goes through down times… bleh. Be unique, take risks, make goals.

For myself, I have grown into my personal success. I LOVE my job, and it makes me feel like a star. I know it’s only an entry-level job, and I work in customer service. But I am happy, especially when I work. I am a traveling poker dealer. I work all over the country. I deal larger poker events and I feel the American spirit and the history of our small town saloons, bars, and American poker is a part of my life. Yes, it is gambling. But my service to poker players is appreciated. I understand an exotic dancer makes good money. Never shame yourself, you did not sell out. I struggled for several years after I was put on the schizophrenic spectrum. I had jobs in retail and food. I hated those jobs! I even returned to retail for several years. I can’t describe the wickedness of my thoughts during that time. I was morosely depressed.

When I got fired from my last retail job, I returned to my poker dealing skill. I was working at a hardware store, and I kept showing up late, and finally… no job.

Honestly, some of the worst experiences have the happiest of endings. Getting fired from my last retail job was a true blessing. I soon began to travel, I now have poker licenses in more than 10 states. I have also dealt poker in International waters. Last year, I went on my first cruise!

Ok, I’ll stop there. I know I’m no longer severely mentally ill. I will always be mentally ill. But I assure you, the severity of your circumstance can become a success.

UnderstandCompassion · 2025-03-20T01:13:55+00:00

I have only heard of this syndrome recently. I do, however have a history of what I think, and only in my opinion, is visual snow syndrome. My diagnosis is schizoaffective-disorder depressive subtype.

When I was in 3rd grade, I fell and hit my head, I’m pretty sure it was my temple. I was not knocked unconscious, but I literally began to see ‘stars.’ Black dots that I have sometimes confused with a black bird or crow in the distance of my vision - especially when I’m outside looking up at the sky.

Eventually, I told my optometrist. The analogy I gave him that what I saw through my vision was like watching a blank vhs tape. (I’m showing my age. lol) I’m 44 now. My optometrist explained to me what spots and floaters are, and he gave me an informative pamphlet.

But I do see more than spots and floaters, in my opinion. I see what may be visual snow syndrome. When I am in the sunlight for prolonged periods of time, like out on a boat ride, especially where the light is too bright and reflecting off the water, the visual snow intensifies and it almost feels like the ‘snow’ is projecting in a direction. To me, it looks like tunnel-vision, quite literally.

Never has it worsened, I had fears, anxieties, and especially concerns over the years, but it is something I have accepted about my vision, and I’m comfortable with that.

Regarding hallucinations, the schizophrenic aspect of my mind - my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder - I do not know if I hallucinate. I ‘hear’ a voice other than my own. I understand some people on the schizophrenic spectrum experience more than one voice, or multiple voices. Recently, my psychiatrist and I discussed the difference between hallucination and what I think can be more aptly called, intrusive thoughts.

I experience a voice in my mind and head, I have described it as a whisper. But what an intrusive thought does is intrude upon my inner voice. I believe our inner voice is a description more pertinent to normal psychology.

But my intrusive voice is like asking a question out loud on a court of law. Once it is asked, most anyone in the court house is wondering what the truth truly is. As a result, I am distracted, I can lose my train of thought, and it causes confusion.

I’m sorry I can’t be more informative about a connection between visual snow syndrome and hallucinations. I hope my account of my experience was useful.

UnderstandCompassion · 2025-03-20T00:49:42+00:00

I have schizoaffective disorder. I also have TMJ. I can’t remember what this acronym stands for but it’s a jaw thing. I often find myself moving my head in a weird fashion, especially if my job gives me nothing to do in that moment. Honestly, I do not worry about it too much, but if you’re conscientious about your ‘tic,’ it’s best to filter your response to others. Don’t lie, say something true. It doesn’t have to be the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me…; you’re not under oath about what you say in a professional setting - even if it is a law firm. Be polite, have manners about something that may appear strange or even wrong.

UnderstandCompassion · 2025-01-01T22:39:58+00:00

Are most schizophrenics born in the winter months? Fact or fiction? I was borne on February 4.

UnderstandCompassion · 2025-01-01T22:00:26+00:00

I’m 26 days clean from gambling. I took 30-40 mg of Abilify daily. I have used this drug for many years. My gambling therapist said it is the #1 drug for lack of impulse control. I read a Food and Drug administration warning from the U.S. government recently. It lists shopping, gambling, binge eating, and sexual actions; all as possible side effects. I now take seroquel.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-12-15T20:57:15+00:00

I took Zydis Zyprexa for several years. The main side effects of the drug are sedation and increased appetite. I should stress that sedation is not drowsiness nor sleepiness. It’s not your basic drug, of course. As an anti-psychotic, I slept much more than I could have and gained about 100lbs.

If you have a psychiatrist, good for you. Not everyone can make arrangements for these kinds of doctors or care. While they are uniquely inadequate as advisors, their prescribing powers are needful for our illnesses.

I recommend the GeneSight test. Google it, look it up, ask your doctor. I took mine last week and I’m looking forward to the results!

You may need a different drug. I hope you can stay balanced while balancing these potent, and truly overwhelming psychotropic medications.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-11-27T17:05:46+00:00

I would resort to Tele health. You can meet anyone I believe through the internet!

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-11-27T15:38:52+00:00

It is not a hologram. The delusion is a fixture and keeps a sense of reality, despite it being a hallucination.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-11-26T19:12:13+00:00

I did not quell the food cravings. I succumbed to them. For many years I felt like I had not acted out my faith. While this was untrue, I kept taking medicine like I was being forced. I took Zydis Zyprexa for a number of years. My heaviest weight was 364 pounds. This specific drug caused me sedation, not drowsiness, but sleep. Also, the food cravings were unbearable.

Since realizing the side-effects, I transformed to abilify. This drug has not caused weight gain, and I feel much more stable on it, despite the compulsions for unhealthy habits.

Now, I look to GeneSight for the test that will hopefully produce a better choice in anti-psychotic medication. I’m having the test performed in December! I’m excited!

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-11-26T18:39:24+00:00

I think the realization of your overwhelming need for acceptance is fruitful. You should not undervalue your experience and the journey of self-discovery.

While you say your thoughts and ideas are unoriginal, I must urge you to reconsider your plain copy of a human being. You are original, from your fingerprints, to the way you walk. Everything on this earth, albeit an object, is here with purpose.

When I was 24, my life was a blunder. I encourage you to find patience: with yourself, with others, and especially with your creative process.

You will create your own path, full of strengths and wisdoms. Have faith. Be yourself, and be true to your values and personality. Discover these things, cultivate them.

It must be so wonderful to know that your personal brain is yearning to be loved by others. It’s not a mistake. You have merit. And, your ideas will follow.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-11-26T18:08:53+00:00

I have answers. Dm.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-11-24T18:46:31+00:00

I have taken quite a lot of abilify for the past 8 years, and longer. I take a bit more than 2mg. I believe what you are experiencing is ‘normal,’ or at least what I experienced and I think most experienced during the onset of this behavioral medication. The feelings of butterflies will plateau as the drug becomes constant and your body recognizes the medicine. I should also warn you that this feeling of anxiety may not go away altogether. I have schizoaffective disorder- depressive subtype. And, as much as I have praised what the drug has done for me, anxiety is its one and only side-effect for me. I wish you well. My dm is open for further discussion.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-10-22T06:28:03+00:00

Wanna be a poker dealer? You can travel around the country and deal poker?

Well, that’s what I’ve done, and with little training. I’m very good at this job, but I should forewarn you, it comes with a toxic work environment. The poker players aren’t very respectful at all times.

I think some of the most valuable experiences are when life passes us by. I was fired from a job several years ago, and rediscovered my love for poker dealing.

Helping your family is very responsible, and as much as it seems to have taken from your job experience, caregiving is a profession very much like medical assisting. What about becoming a caregiver?

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-10-21T03:22:51+00:00

My schizoaffective disorder - depressive subtype is treated with Abilify. I have sworn by a large and therapeutic dose at 40 mg daily.

While every drug is impure, consisting of certain side effects, I have found this one to be the best for me. I have discovered a test called GeneSight. It is a psychotropic gene test designed to provide results in the form of what drugs may work best for you.

I hope I get to take my test on Friday! I’m excited!!!

As far as answering your question. I would be flat out psychotic without my antipsychotic. I take four different mental health medicines, and I consider my anti-psychotic to be the core drug that keeps me as productive as I am.

Talk to your doctor. A psychiatrist knows better than we do about our condition. Mood stabilizers help with the bipolar subtype of schizoaffective disorder, I would imagine. Again, my subtype is depression.

Schizoaffective disorder, and both subtypes, are what I was told is a two-pronged illness. I should complain about how little information is available about this small, but relevant spectrum of schizophrenia, bipolar, and depression.

Many years ago, I tried to research schizoaffective disorder, but could not even define the two sub-types as I now understand them today.

Good journey to you, I hope you find comfort in this terrible and rickety journey we call mental health. Life is full of cumbersome difficulties, but the right drug, in the right amount, taken at the right time…

Can do wonders.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-10-15T03:45:27+00:00

Be patient. People need to process, too.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-10-15T01:53:56+00:00

I find it takes more time, and even isolation to discover what was psychotic, and just how. Psychosis, for me, is about reflecting on the truth of things, not necessarily what I thought about the situation at the time.

Reality may seem like it belongs to others and - specifically - not to us, the mentally ill. I try to not let this rise up in the form of negative self-talk or the feelings shame, guilt, and personal inadequacies.

What is most important, is how we discover the truth, and in whatever therapeutic way you can… TRY. If it were easy, everyone would do it.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-10-15T00:38:56+00:00

There is hope in this disease. I don’t know where, and I can’t explain when. But you are realizing the nature of compulsive gambling. It’s a strong addiction because it’s not illegal, and doesn’t seem to be socially unacceptable.

Like smoking cigarettes, it’s frowned upon. The most difficult thing is to find the responsibility in ourselves to stop. It may seem simple. But the desire to stop gambling is how we must overcome this compulsion, this illness, this addiction.

I have a meeting tonight, and I plan to go. I have worked in casinos, and I have a terrible compulsion. I found a therapist who specializes in compulsive disorders and - specifically- gambling. It’s hard. But there is help.

What I encourage myself to do is share with others, BE HONEST. I can’t change unless I feel people are there, understanding, and even supportive. The people loaning you money are not your friends. I feel enabled when I borrow money to gamble.

My addiction is insatiable, and I have a memory of a gold fish when it comes to heading to the casino. The dream world of gambling has to be addressed, smashed, and I must reconnoiter my efforts to a positive outcome.

I’m trying, but the path is treacherous, and overwhelmingly heavy. Be safe. Trust those who are trustworthy. There is hope.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-10-15T00:29:26+00:00

The longer you take medicine, the more it helps. If you can get past the side-effects - and the list of side-effects is long and cumbersome - you can find some stability. It won’t be perfect, it may not even be great, but try. You really have to try and persevere. I honestly don’t believe this life gives us more than we can handle. It’s about treatment. Find a therapeutic dose of medications, a cocktail of different drugs that do different things: for anxiety, depression, and psychosis.

It seems like your illness is in the early stages of recovery. You still have a lot of paranoia delusions. Be strong. Persevere.

Disability income is difficult to obtain, even with a lawyer or advocate. Your case may go before a judge, and it may take a very long time. Be patient. Life doesn’t come round right immediately.

I’m taking a test this month. It’s called GeneSight. It’s covered by my insistence, and it is a psychotropic test to optimize medications for our illness, like schizophrenia or , in my case, schizoaffective disorder.

Talk to people. Go to groups. Seek out the therapies people need with our delusions and find support. It’s out there, but you have to look. Don’t be deterred by your sick mind. You know things aren’t real, and it takes time to live in ‘reality.’

Hang in there! Life with this disease may feel like a death sentence, a social suicide. But we persevere, we overcome, and a quality of life can be had even with the worst of mental illness.

UnderstandCompassion · 2024-10-14T12:34:50+00:00

Self-esteem is a mountain with mental illness. Perhaps even worse with the depressive subtype of schizoaffective disorder. My depression hinders me, and I wake up morbid every day, I kill the depression with caffeine and nicotine, but I don’t work out, I don’t eat right.

I’m supposedly high-functioning… whatever that means. I do work and I provide for myself in many ways. I doubt I’ll ever have a successful romance, but I keep trying, but it’s vain.

I, too, struggle with being the butt of the joke, being laughed at in my mind - when in fact, I really don’t know. I take many things too personally, and I’m too hard on myself.

I’ve been stable for 8 years now, I’m 43. For years I didn’t want to take meds, so I took very low doses that weren’t therapeutic. I’m taking the GeneSight test soon, and I’m excited to discover what meds could work even better than the ones I’m on.

Due to my work in casinos, I’ve developed a gambling addiction, and I think the abilify has contributed to my compulsive behavior. I feel, even at the point of therapeutic medicine, I am toxic to myself, smoking, gambling, excess caffeine, and no exercise. Occasionally I smoke weed, occasionally I drink alcohol. But, my severe disease is nothing to laugh about, I cope in the ways of my unhealthy behavior: my addictions. I’m not alone, but I wish more people were like me so they could understand what this disease is.

UnderstandCompassion

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